Not every adult is an adult why. What makes a person an adult

They say that sooner or later all children grow up. Without a doubt, outwardly we all grow up, but what happens in the psyche?

The question of when a person grows up and what kind of person is called an adult can be considered in different ways.

When can a person be considered an adult?

If you ask different people about who an adult is, you will probably get answers like: “Growing up is when you already think about work, family...”, etc. This is partly the correct opinion, but not always. We are accustomed to identifying adulthood with certain life goals and objectives, such as, for example, the fact that an adult works, starts a family, and gives birth to children. But what, for example, should we do with children who are forced to earn extra money, including playing instruments on the street? Or, for example, a very young girl became pregnant through negligence and is now going to give birth and raise a child, although she is not yet ready for this? Of course, in many such situations, children grow up very quickly, but this does not always happen.

In fact, the issue of adulthood is much more multifaceted and complex. Outwardly, a person’s adulthood is manifested in a well-developed figure in terms of secondary sexual characteristics, which indicates that the person is fully formed physically and is ready for procreation. In this sense, adults can be considered, for example, older teenagers of about 17 years old.

Qualities of an adult

However, appearance alone is not enough to recognize a person as a full-fledged adult. It is important to pay attention to the character of a person, his qualities, habits, etc. Thus, we can highlight the most general list of these parameters for an adult:

In an adult, self-control and reason prevail. Yes, sometimes an adult also wants to give up on everything, cause a scandal to an unpleasant person, go have fun with his last money, without thinking about tomorrow, but an adult understands what this entails, and therefore behaves within the bounds of decency and reason.
Responsibility is a clearly expressed quality of an adult. He himself takes responsibility for his life, without dumping it on anyone. An adult is able to ensure financial stability and arrange his life in the most accessible and comfortable way possible on his own. He sets goals for himself, plans them and then achieves them. When an adult understands that he is ready and wants, he can take responsibility for the life of another person - this is how an adult has a family and children.
Separately, it is worth considering the issue of infantility - a certain “childishness,” lightness of character, capriciousness. There are many adults who can be called infantile. They live one day at a time, without thinking about the future, indulge their immediate desires, give in to emotions like children, behave in accordance with their desires and mood, without thinking about others. But if we talk about the classical understanding of adulthood, then such a person has infantilism behind him - in childhood and adolescence. An adult has certain principles, rules and priorities that he follows, since he already understands who he is now and who he wants to be later.

This is the basis. All other distinctive qualities and characteristics of an adult are either based on it, or are additional and individual.

Infantilism in modern society is not a new phenomenon. You have probably noticed that more and more people behave like children: they shift the blame for their actions onto circumstances and other people, do not know how to stand up for themselves, constantly complain about fate, do not develop, and so on. If you are often told that you behave like a child, then you urgently need to rebuild yourself. This may take a hell of a lot of work, but it's worth it. After all, you acquire special energy and self-confidence, and most importantly, you will win people over. In this article we will look at the most effective ways to grow up.

Why do many adults remain children?

If an adult behaves childishly, it means that he simply does not want to grow up or does not know how to do it. In the first case, it is so convenient and easier for a person to live. After all, he doesn’t need to think about anything, other people decide for him: where to go to study, who to work for, how much to earn. And why take the blame for your own mistakes and mistakes? After all, chance, an employee, a close friend are to blame for everything. An infantile person does not dare to make decisions and tries in every possible way to escape responsibility.

There is a psychological theory by E. Berne, according to which a child, an adult and a parent live in each of us.

Unfortunately, such childishness will not lead to good. Sooner or later, life will give a kick and then the choice remains with the adult “children” - either continue to whine and complain about fate, or take life into your own hands and take the path of growing up.

The world of adults: what it really is

Adult life is not the same as adolescence and childhood. Everything is much more serious here. After all, all responsibility for you lies not on the shoulders of your parents, relatives or friends, but on your own. If you are wondering: “How to grow up?” First you need to find out what adult life is like, how a fully formed person behaves.

A serious individual is not one who smokes, drinks alcohol and is sexually active, but one who lives separately from his parents and does not depend on them financially, that is, a person who completely provides for himself and does everything himself.

An adult can be easily recognized by what and how he says, what actions and deeds he performs. In his life there is no frequent giggling, like a teenager, and in the conversation there is no gossip and empty meaningless topics. He values his time, speaks to the point, and jokes only when it is appropriate.

Domestic and Western psychologists have also defined some criteria for psychological maturity:

responsibility for your actions and what is happening around you;
understanding of people, love and respect for them;
making rational, informed decisions;
the ability to properly contact the outside world;
ability to realize oneself in terms of profession;
the ability to withstand stress and various difficulties encountered along the path of life.

In addition to this, adults have rich life experience; their world is not chaotic, but more structured. They know where to go, what to do, what goals to set.

Effective ways to grow up

Growing up is hard work. After all, here you need to completely transform your personality, lifestyle and relationships with the outside world. Having done this, you will not recognize yourself - instead of a child in front of the mirror, you will see an adult.

One of the quotes from the popular Indian mystic Osho says that by taking life into your own hands, a person will be filled with energy and feel unprecedented changes.

There are many ways to grow up. But we will look at the five most effective of them.

1. Train yourself to set serious goals

If you want to enter adulthood, you simply need to learn how to set goals for yourself. They must be big. This could be mastering a new profession, improving your skills and talents, creating a happy family, achieving material well-being, and so on.

2. Be responsible for yourself and your actions

Adult life is not about toys. No one here will solve your problems for you. Only a child can hide from them and do nothing. You must understand that you must be responsible for yourself, your actions and what happens to him. Only by becoming responsible can you live a happy and successful life.

3. Be independent

It is very important to be independent. A developed personality can always take care of himself and others. Therefore, starting from the age of 18, you need to rely only on yourself, and not on other people. It is important to ensure that you can support yourself and do everything yourself, from choosing a university to making plans for the future.

4. Study your “I”

In adulthood, it is extremely important to accept yourself as you are and look inside yourself in order to carefully study your “I”. After all, only a child does not accept himself and does not understand what he really is. Studying your personality is a sober look at yourself, where all your strengths and weaknesses are visible. Seeing his weaknesses, an adult must destroy them or turn them into advantages.

Expanding your horizons (travelling, finding a new favorite activity, visiting exhibitions and various events), communicating and meeting new people will also help you thoroughly explore yourself.

5. Act like an adult

And another way to grow up is to act like an adult. How is this? Firstly, you need to learn to control your desires and those that are considered childish should be curbed and directed towards more mature goals.

It is also very important to say “No”. For example, if you are invited to a noisy party, and you plan to complete an urgent project that evening, then choose the second option. After all, it is he who will lead you to success, and not partying until the morning. And adults also take care of their appearance. They eat only healthy food, play sports, keep their skin and hair clean, and wear neat, more restrained clothes to work. In addition, you must always be open and honest, and only then will the doors to a successful future open for you.

Growing up may not happen right away; everything will happen with experience. Therefore, be patient and after a while you will achieve what you want.

As a child, it always seemed to me that adults are extremely wise, know everything in the world and never make mistakes. I firmly believed in this until I grew up. And then at one fine moment you realize that there are no adults around you, there are only... We grew up, put on different clothes, but inside we remained the same, small children demanding attention and approval.

Editorial today “So Simple!” invites you to talk about adulthood, about why people still can’t grow up at the age of 40, and how to do it anyway, and, in general, whether it’s necessary.

How to become an adult

Who is an adult? How is this determined? Now you graduated from school, you were given a certificate, and before that you were given a passport. You have a lot of papers that assign you a lot of responsibilities, but none of them give you a sense of adulthood. They do not trigger the necessary psychological processes in the head of a young citizen.

As a result, we remain the same boys and girls only with new papers, but old expectations and claims. As children, we seek approval from adults. “Mom, do you like my drawing? Dad, look how I can.” And parents regulate our behavior with their disapproval or praise. And here we are adults, and nothing has changed significantly.

And we see a man or woman over 40 who is looking for the approval of “adults”. They do everything just to get praise, which is much more important than objective achievements. They simply forgot to tell the person that he is an adult, he can do everything and that now he is responsible for everything himself. And there are a lot of people who simply haven’t matured; they just pretend to be adults.

Are they to blame? Of course not. The switch for adulthood didn’t switch, that’s all. But is everyone responsible for this? Yes, it does, everyone must gather their will into a fist and move this switch from a dead point.

How to recognize a human child? People who remain children in their 40s often complain that life is unfair to them, that it is not their fault. A person has a clear idea in his head that everyone owes him something, that he didn’t receive something. This gives rise to more and more disturbances.

I have a friend who hasn't had much success in life. And so she decided that all her problems were because her parents did not love her as a child. Although she grew up in a complete family with a very caring mother, it’s not for me to judge.

It seemed that the goal of the person's entire life was to prove to everyone that she was more disliked than everyone else. Her speeches read like this: “I'm a poor little bunny. I wasn’t loved as a child, so I’m unhappy and can’t achieve anything in life.”.

And such “disliked bunnies” are drawn to people, looking for praise and approval in order to get everything they were entitled to. And here’s the most interesting thing: there is bad news for such people: then there’s no way to get what they didn’t get. Perhaps it is bitter to realize, but childhood is over, adult, real life has begun.

And, oddly enough, you have a choice. Option one: you can accept reality, realize all the injustice and finally come to terms with it. Understanding that everyone received the set of goodies they received in childhood will not change anything else. And after all these discoveries, switch the switch and start living your own life.

Option two: you can say that the author is wrong, does not understand anything, and continue your search for all the lost love and care. You will be confident that you are right, you will depend on others, seek approval and change jobs, partners, cities, proving that you are the most disliked person in the world.

And it’s not so easy to just pick the first option. There is responsibility there, no one decides for you, everything is on your shoulders. But that’s the beauty of it, because you decide for yourself, you are the author of your life. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you are beautiful and feminine enough or moderately courageous and strong. You just do it and get results. That's when this awareness comes, growing up occurs.

Not everyone manages to achieve this on their own; then psychotherapy comes to the rescue. Yes, in our open spaces it is not fashionable, and in some places it is even reprehensible, but it is extremely effective. Thanks to therapy, it becomes possible to put everything in its place and start living your life. The psychotherapist helps you find the cause of the problem, the missed stages of growing up and makes you understand that you are no longer a “disliked little bunny”, but an independent adult.

This can be done on your own if you know how to analyze what is happening and yourself in particular. We give up illusions and accept the world as it is, that’s all. And I'm not saying that an inner child is something bad. Of course not, this is what makes us less callous and prevents us from becoming completely callous. You just need to understand when there is a playful child inside you that sometimes asks to come out, and when the child is you.

Many people believe that all our problems come from childhood, and even that. And this is not far from the truth, you just need to learn to realize, accept and cope with it. Good luck!

What do you think about this? Tell us in the comments!

Ekaterina Khodyuk’s main hobby is literature. She also likes to watch a good movie, enjoy autumn, pet cats and listen to the band “Spleen”. He is interested in Japanese culture, the thinking and way of life of the Japanese, and dreams of visiting this country. Katya strives to live a rich life, full of impressions and travel. The girl’s favorite book is “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” by Milan Kundera.

A person is considered grown up if he acts like an adult. At the same time, age does not guarantee that a person will be a mature person. But how exactly does a mature personality or an adult act in a given situation, what is his worldview, what are his actions, abilities, thoughts and emotions, what does he focus on and what goals to set for himself, what does he do and what are his values? and also relationships with the outside world?

How does an adult think and how does he act? It is in this article that we will reveal the main features of a mature personality that are characteristic of an adult.

The main features of an adult are considered to be: not being attached to his emotions. An adult's perspective is based on his own experience. He has personal responsibility for everything that happens in his life, and he does not blame the people around him for what happened. He has a clear capacity for introspection and reflection. He has critical thinking. Self-sufficient and independent of the opinions of people around him. Has adequate self-esteem and self-esteem. He is honest with the people around him and with himself. Has formed moral values. He sets goals and knows how to achieve them.

An adult can sincerely love and have compassion. Has a tolerant attitude towards his own and others’ mistakes, is ready to correct them himself and help others correct them. Has control over emotions even at the most critical moments of his life. He is tolerant and respects others. Does not have idealism, excludes cruelty and violence from his life. A mature person lives here and now, without getting stuck in the past and without rushing things.

Research by psychologists in the field of human development proves that the age of 35 is a turning point in the life of almost every person. During this period, he stops trying to please his parents in everything and begins to concentrate his attention on his own life goals. This change is often accompanied by a sudden change of workplace, leaving one’s own family, marrying a second time out of love and one’s own choice, as well as a change of place of residence. Many people believe that only at the age of 35 did they really begin to live and breathe to the fullest.

Adult worldview

The worldview of an adult is characterized by the following position: I and all of us are part of something larger. A person feels that he belongs to the world around him and tries to give more to it.

An adult recognizes that each person has the right to be who he really is. He finally realizes the desire to be himself, taking off the masks that may have appeared during his youth. The life position of a mature personality: “live yourself and let the other person live.”

The focus of an adult’s attention shifts from “activity” to “being.” If an individual was previously focused on quantity, then a mature personality bets on quality. A mature person is aware that life passes and is fleeting, rejoices in the good and tries not to get upset over trifles. He learns a lesson from every situation. An adult tries not to resist life, but to find an opportunity to adapt to it, discarding unnecessary experiences and suffering. An adult and mature person is able to adequately perceive the entire picture of the surrounding world and its interrelations.

Adult abilities

Adults are capable learners; they know how to apply life lessons learned in different situations without much difficulty. An adult is able to adequately perceive the lessons of life and quickly find a way out of problems. He has a wealth of experience and wisdom. Never gives in to difficulties. He relies only on his personal abilities. He reads a lot, and easily adapts the information he receives to difficult life situations. They believe the spirit of the law more than the letter. In life he relies on his personal experience.

Thoughts and emotions of an adult

An adult, as a mature person, achieves fairly high results in balancing personal emotions with actions and thoughts. This approach to life is effective in any current situation.

The behavior of an adult is characterized by complete stability. He is liberated and does not strive to follow the opinions of others. Always takes specific actions that can solve a particular problem that has arisen. He clearly has his own view of understanding the world. His approach to any matter is specific. He can always diplomatically reveal the essence of the problem. An adult is intellectually developed, but speaks in simple and accessible language so that others can easily understand him.

An adult is never afraid to seek the necessary help. He realizes that the basis of a successful life and many successes is cooperation with others, and not personal merit.

Focusing the attention and aspirations of an adult

The aspirations of an adult are aimed at developing his own personality. He tries to make his contribution to the world around him. Tries to be an example for others.

Adults can be of different levels of income, they can be famous or not, they can have a high social position and they may not have it. If a mature person owns something, he tries with great tact to use it for the benefit of the people around him who are less wealthy than him. And he also enjoys these things himself.

The internal motives of an adult are spiritual growth, mutual understanding with the outside world, improving the world through one’s own contribution and enjoying true, not fake, joys: family, children, friends and work.

Adults consider themselves to be quite authoritative and look more closely at themselves in search of answers to humanity’s questions. When something goes wrong, instead of blaming others, they tend to take responsibility for what is happening on their own shoulders and look for an opportunity to correct the situation.

Activities of an adult

The aspirations of an adult are always aimed at finding a satisfying job, if up to this point he has not found one. Moreover, he may not even be guided by the level of wages or its prestige. An adult tries to independently choose convenient hours for work, perform it efficiently, and perform a large volume in a short period of time. A mature person understands that the environment provides additional strength to the body, so he tries to spend more time in the fresh air and nature.

Adults know how to achieve results as quickly as possible with minimal effort and energy. A mature person always feels great when communicating with people from different walks of life; he does not classify himself or them into a certain social category that imposes certain stereotypes on them. An adult respects the culture and established customs of all peoples and finds them interesting, excluding the cult of violence.

Adults enjoy entertaining games when relaxing, avoiding the virtual world. They enjoy the sensual pleasures they get in life with real people.

An adult can afford a few hours of idleness, but only in order to restore strength and energy. Because if they work, they give it their all, sparing no effort and energy. There may be complete chaos and disorder around him, but he will know exactly where everything is, the so-called “creative disorder.”

Adult values

An adult always values the true essence of any person or business more than external gloss. So, when choosing clothes, he will give preference to comfortable things rather than fashionable and inconvenient ones.

An adult and accomplished person is absolutely indifferent to what the people around him think about him, as long as he is satisfied and feels comfortable. He adapts norms of behavior to unexpected situations in which he feels out of place. Knows how to fully and sincerely enjoy all the activities in which he is engaged: work, friendship, leisure, communication with nature, good food, fulfilling sexual relationships, intimacy with the opposite sex and pleasant communication with him.

An adult highly values freedom of expression. He has a sense of personal responsibility. He is independent from others. Has a contemplative attitude towards nature. Likes to dream and think.

A mature person is not afraid of death, thoughts about it do not cause him a feeling of horror and numbness, since he views it as a certain transition to a new quality. He believes that death is a transformation of the body, which helps to adapt to a new form of existence in another world.

A mature person tries to lead a rich spiritual life, but at the same time they may not be religious people. Because he believes that there is no need to seek consolation in church, and that spiritual communication with the great can be established directly through thoughts, heart, etc.

An adult turns to meditation and contemplation of the world around him in a completely natural way. Moreover, he can do this completely informally. An adult enjoys himself and his body; he attaches much less importance to his appearance.

Adult relationships

Adults try to behave in accordance with their emerging feelings towards people, plants, animals, and the planet. A mature person realizes that every grain in this world is an integral part of a single whole. This philosophy awakens in him a feeling of great respect for all living things. The main principle of a mature personality: “Live yourself and let others live fully.” This principle is the basis of his relationship with the outside world.

The relationship between an adult and someone is filled with mutual understanding and warmth; they can last indefinitely. Relationships during this period do not bring psychological dramas that could be suitable for TV series. If adults break off relationships with each other, they do not stoop to revenge on each other.

In the perception of people around, there is complete mutual understanding, as well as respect for someone else’s point of view, which does not coincide with personal opinion. Adults have a positive attitude towards the distinctive features in each person, enjoying them.

All adults have a philosophical view of the relationships that develop between people. A mature person is acutely aware of the impermanence of life, and therefore is ready for sudden changes. If in adolescence thoughts associated with death or a radical change of place of residence cause fear, then an adult treats this calmly, even finding some advantages. An adult, of course, will experience any loss very strongly, but will not fall into indifference to the world around him and try to take his own life. Most often, having experienced a loss, they immerse themselves in everyday responsibilities with even greater persistence, trying not to leave time for grief.

When interacting with others, they can maintain long and firm eye contact.

Growing up is inevitable. But in life there is often a paradox - children want to be adults, adults want to be children. And how do you understand who can be called an adult? What is the meaning of the term “adult”?

Who are the adults?

When they say: “Explain the meaning of the concept “adult,” many people fall into a stupor, which, incidentally, is obvious. After all, what is there to reveal here: do you have a passport? Eat. Is it coming of age? It has arrived. Do you have a job? Eat. Result: adult.

However, not everything is so simple. Discovering the meaning of the concept “adult” lies much deeper. An adult can be called a person who is ready to bear responsibility. If a child operates with phrases such as “I want - I don’t want,” then an adult should have long known the simple word “need.”

An adult is a person who has reached a certain age, has a mature body and mind, has knowledge and skills that help in making decisions, and is ready to take responsibility for his actions, his life and the life of his family.

Traits of an adult

They say, reveal the meaning of the concept “adult” and understand what it should be. But one term is not enough, the features of an adult are more important.

Independent. An adult is capable of taking care of himself.
Confident. A person is confident in himself not only externally, but also internally.
Caring. An adult is capable of caring about the lives of other people. He has an adult circle of concerns, and he not only knows how to do it, but wants to do it and does it freely. Taking care of someone is a voluntary choice of an adult, mentally balanced person.
Responsible and demanding. A person takes responsibility for his actions and demands similar behavior from others. Knows how to control his desires, refers more to the words “need” and “can”, rather than to “I want and urgently.”
Psychologically literate. Able to look constructively at an obstacle that has arisen and see the situation in its entirety.
Mentally healthy. An adult knows how to find positive moments in life, calmly accepts criticism, does not feel unreasonable fears and can keep his emotions under control.

How to become an adult?

Even when the answer to the request “explain the meaning of the concept of “adult” has already been given, this does not mean that there will be information about how to achieve and become an adult are two different things. And to be considered an adult, you must:

Know how to make money. Let them say that happiness does not come from money, but it is a person’s ability to earn money that identifies him as an accomplished, adult person.
Become independent. If a person cannot earn money on his own, then he will never become an independent person. The higher your financial independence, the more opportunities you have to make independent decisions.
Be able to take care of others. An adult has a large circle of concerns, he must be able to help other people, and it doesn’t matter how he can do this, experience, knowledge, skills or physical labor. An adult must invest, create and create not only for his own benefit.
Be responsible. An adult is always responsible for his actions with time, money, strength or emotions.
Be able to control emotions. Keeping emotions inside is bad, but acting on the first “I want” is not like an adult. An adult is always guided by reason. He strives to pass on his knowledge and experience, and not just teach everyone for free.

Growing up is not a problem, but not everyone can become an adult. And when a person is told “explain the meaning of the concept of “adult”,” and he shows his date of birth in his passport, we can safely say that he has grown up. But he hasn't become an adult yet. And it doesn’t matter how old he is, 30, 40 or 80, he is not an adult yet.