The arrival of a child in a home is a long-awaited event. There he is lying next to you, yawning sweetly, fingering his tiny fingers and squinting. This means it's time to go to bed. A cozy crib has already been prepared for the child in the children's room or in the parent's bedroom. All that remains is to put him in this little nest and be touched by the sight of the sniffling baby. True, after a few hours the baby will have to be taken out of there to feed it. Then you will need to do it again and again - and so on all night long... Maybe you should just put the baby next to you? What if later? We will help you find answers to these questions.

Is there a sleep compatibility problem?

The problem of co-sleeping has long been the subject of heated debate between parents, psychologists and pediatricians. Everyone gives many arguments to defend their position, but there is still no clear opinion. However, as with any issue that concerns raising a child. Still, there are facts and comments from experts that will help you weigh the pros and cons, and then make your own decision.

What are the benefits of co-sleeping with your baby?

The first and main argument in favor of co-sleeping with your baby is the establishment of long-term and successful breastfeeding. Every child is naturally programmed to sleep with his mother and actively suckle at the breast at night. And a woman is designed in such a way that it is at night, when the baby is suckling, that her body reaches the maximum level of prolactin, a hormone that promotes milk production. Tactile contact with the child stimulates all these processes. In addition, the mother will not have to periodically jump out of bed to run to the baby if they sleep together. As a result, the woman will feel better and become less irritable, and this will immediately affect the baby. Mothers who sleep with their children from the first days cannot even understand those who complain about lack of sleep, and often do not remember whether they woke up at all.

Sleeping together also helps regulate safety issues, although this may seem strange. Recent studies show that this reduces the risk of developing sudden infant death syndrome. When the baby lies next to his mother, his sleep becomes less deep and superficial. Opponents of co-sleeping see this as a disadvantage. However, for children under 6 months of age, shallow sleep is beneficial: it is easier to wake up and, accordingly, it is easier to “call for help”, to give a signal that something is wrong. The presence of mother nearby generates mutual sensitivity and facilitates awakening. This is a protective measure in case of respiratory arrest. In addition, sleeping together creates a stable sense of security in the baby. This is how the baby grows confidence in the world around him, and most importantly, in his own mother.

Often babies miss their mother's touch while they are awake. He can also receive the necessary affection while sleeping together. For an older child, this will provide favorable conditions for feeding, because during the day the baby can play too much and seem to “forget” to eat. In the future, it is night feedings that allow the mother, for example, to go to work, or to be away for a long time, without worrying that her baby will not eat enough.

If you do decide to sleep with your child, the following rules will help you overcome emerging fears and resolve doubts:

1. Never Do not place your baby near you if you have drunk alcohol or are under the influence of other stimulants. An altered state of consciousness will not allow you to help your child if he suddenly needs it.
2. If your baby is lying on an adult mattress, be sure to choose a firm model and place the baby on his back or side. According to the latest research, these are the safest positions for babies.
3. Pillows, bolsters, water mattresses, as well as the gap between the bed and the wall pose a potential threat to the baby in the parent's bed.
4. Your body heat provides extra warmth for your baby. To avoid overheating, use warm nightwear, bedspreads and blankets to a minimum.
5. Make sure that your baby can still sleep on his own, so that sleeping in a separate crib does not seem like a punishment to him.
6. Let your baby know that he can sleep with his mother and wait until he adjusts to this.
7. To do this, it’s worth talking to lactation consultants. You can also consult with other women who already have experience of co-sleeping and breastfeeding, preferably several babies.
8. Remember that sleeping with the baby should not create inconvenience for the mother.

The ideal situation is if the mother is resting while she sleeps with the baby. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll probably have to think about solving this issue.

Problems for children who sleep in their parents' bed

Co-sleeping with your baby solves many problems, but it also causes certain problems. According to some experts, this can cause sleep disturbances in the baby. According to research, such disorders develop in 50% of children aged six months to 4 years sleeping in their parents' bed. At the same time, only 15% of babies who sleep separately are bothered by sleep problems. There is a hypothesis that if a child sleeps with his parents, he cannot learn to fall asleep on his own, and this is an important skill for independent living.

If a baby sleeps with his mother, he develops the habit of breastfeeding throughout the night. Some authors of parenting manuals claim that this can cause caries: with almost continuous feeding, milk is constantly present in the baby’s mouth, which destroys tooth enamel. This risk increases if the baby continues to breastfeed into the second year of life. The natural question is: should the baby’s teeth be brushed after feeding during the day? So, before adopting this argument, consult your pediatric dentist.

The pressing issue is the intimate relationships of parents. Even the presence of a child in the room imposes restrictions, let alone sleeping with the baby. This problem is not easy to deal with, but there is still a solution. During sexual relations, you can put the child in a crib. Another option is to go to another room.

Sleeping with a baby or even a small child is one thing. But how can you explain to a grown-up child, accustomed to his parents’ bed, that from now on he must move to his own separate crib?

If a child has been accustomed to sleeping with his mother since birth, then he should be weaned off this gradually, starting at the age of 1.5-2 years. It’s good if the baby sleeps separately in the morning and afternoon. Therefore, it is worth getting a crib or cradle for your child. All people need personal space, including children, to develop individuality and independence skills. When it’s time for your baby to move completely into his crib, it can be turned into a beautiful and joyful celebration. In such an environment, the baby will appreciate the fact that he is acquiring his own “hearth of independence” as proof of the love and respect of those close to him.

There is room for compromise when it comes to sleeping together. For example, parents may well take their baby into their bed only occasionally: when the child is sick, has a nightmare, or in the morning or on a day off. A compromise option is to place the crib with the front panel removed close to the parents' bed. This way you won’t have to jump up when the baby cries - you can soothe and feed him without getting up. And the baby will not embarrass his parents while being on his own territory. Some people simply move the crib closer to their bed - this way they can touch the child at night, take him by the hand, and lull him to sleep.

To sleep together or not - how to make the right decision?

In Australia, scientists conducted a study on the behavior of babies and received interesting results. It turns out that babies themselves let their parents know how and where they want to sleep - you just need to take a closer look at their behavior and reactions. Australian scientists claim that all babies are divided into three types: some sleep better in a separate room, others need the presence of their parents, and others definitely need to be in their parents’ bed.

It is difficult to compare with anything the pleasure that parents receive from the fact that their baby is snoring sweetly next to them. Yet even those who sleep separately from their children can easily feel the spirit of family unity - all it takes is bringing the baby into your bed in the morning to feed him or play with him.

In any case, it is important for parents to decide on a place for their child to sleep during the first year of his life. The baby will be able to adapt to sleeping alone or with his parents. However, once this habit is formed, it will be much more difficult to change it.

Co-sleeping with your child. Benefit or harm

Co-sleeping: a pediatrician's opinion

Moms' opinion

Baby's sleep duration

Duration and nature infant sleep directly depend on age. A newborn (up to 1 month) sleeps most of the day, waking up only at the time of feeding. Due to physiological characteristics, a newborn’s sleep can be very sound: he is not disturbed by various sounds and even tactile sensations (shifting, turning over, etc.). However, already at the age of about 1 month, the baby becomes more sensitive to external stimuli. Periods of wakefulness become longer and longer. By 3 months, the baby spends up to an hour and a half in an active state between feedings, and the total duration of his sleep is 18-20 hours a day. At 6 months, the baby sleeps for 16-18 hours. In this case, a long period of night sleep (up to 5-6 hours) and two or three periods of daytime sleep during the day are clearly distinguished. A nine-month-old baby needs 14-16 hours to sleep; most children at this age take two naps a day. By the age of 1 year, the total duration of sleep is 14-15 hours; during the day, the baby can sleep both once and twice.

The child confused day and night

Physiological rhythm newborn sleep not much different from the fetal sleep rhythm. Accordingly, a newborn does not have a “sense of night” as we understand it. Only some babies have a period of continuous night sleep of 5-6 hours and is established from the first weeks of life, while most newborns wake up every 2-3 hours at night, which is the norm for them. Already by 2 months, the baby begins to distinguish daytime activity from nighttime: he has a period of wakefulness that is clearly associated with daytime. This becomes possible due to the gradual maturation of brain structures that respond to light levels and are responsible for the formation of circadian rhythms. Finally, the process of establishing a period of long baby's night sleep ends only by 2-3 years. Nevertheless, adults are able to help the baby quickly establish the correct circadian sleep rhythm using various techniques. First of all, it is necessary to distinguish between daytime and nighttime activity levels. So, the daytime hours should be quite rich in a variety of activities, including massage, gymnastics, walks, communication and games. The level of illumination in the nursery during the daytime should be higher; louder adult speech, music, etc. are acceptable. Towards the evening, the atmosphere surrounding the child should become increasingly calm, and at night complete silence and darkness are preferable.

When to put your baby to bed

Departure dates night sleep are individual and depend both on the characteristics of the child, who sets his own regime, and on the lifestyle of the whole family. Physiologically, most newborns have a period night sleep occurs after midnight, gradually moving to 21-22 hours by 4-6 months. Thus, the best time for an infant to go to sleep can be considered the period between 20 and 24 hours.

Sleep disturbance

As already said, up to 2-3 months, when daily allowance baby rhythms are still just being formed, periodic failures in sleep mode and wakefulness are quite acceptable if their causes lie in the physiological characteristics of the child’s body. It’s another matter when the regime is violated due to the actions of parents. For example, adults are nocturnal and it is more convenient for them for the child to stay awake at night and wake up as late as possible in the morning. Another option is that parents cannot or do not want to organize all the necessary activities to care for the baby with a clear attachment to a certain time, as a result of which the baby is not able to quickly develop his own routine. Parents of infants should remember that for normal harmonious development, the child’s body requires a decrease in activity and prolonged sleep during the dark (night) time of the day, since at this time the production of special hormones necessary for the growth and development of all body systems occurs.

Children's room: temperature and humidity

Relatively optimal temperature Disputes often arise between adults in the baby's room. Moreover, parents, as a rule, believe that the baby will freeze, while overheating is much more dangerous for him, which is explained by the still immature heat regulation system. The damage from high temperatures is aggravated by dry air, which is typical for houses with central heating and is aggravated when using electric heating devices. Dry air, like a sponge, absorbs moisture from the surface of the mucous membranes of the respiratory tract, disrupting the free flow of mucus and removing irritants, allergens, dust and germs from the body. Therefore, it is necessary to maintain optimal temperature and humidity, and to control these parameters, it is advisable to place a thermometer and hygrometer near the baby’s crib.

During sleep It is advisable to reduce the room temperature by 1-2 degrees. To do this, the room needs to be ventilated. Optimal temperature in the room for a newborn is 20-22°C, a baby 1-3 months old - 18-20°C, over 3 months - 18°C. A special temperature regime is maintained in the room of a child born prematurely or with low birth weight. In this case, the temperature should be 24-25°C until the baby gains body weight, which is an individual norm for him. A baby should not sleep with the air conditioner running, as it cools the air unevenly, causing air movement and drafts, which can lead to colds. Recommended indoor humidity for sleep is 50-70?%. To create the required level of humidity, you can use humidifiers, or you can hang wet towels the old fashioned way.

Bassinet or crib

Since during the period of intrauterine development the baby was located in rather cramped conditions, many believe that it is easier for him to calm down and fall asleep in a cozy, warm nest - cradle. However, all children are individual, and if some prefer a cradle, others sleep just as well in a crib. Thus, the choice of place to sleep remains with adults. You just need to take into account that using the cradle is possible only in the first few months of life. In the future, the danger of falling out of the “nest” increases as the baby becomes more and more active.

By the way, baby stroller should only be used for sleeping while walking. Sleeping in a stroller if it is indoors is not recommended due to its poor ventilation. In this case, such negative consequences as overheating and insufficient oxygen supply to the baby’s body are possible, since he breathes “waste” air.

Where to put the crib

Ideally crib or cradle must be installed:

in conditions of sufficient illumination during the daytime. In this case, direct sunlight should be avoided, which can interfere with the baby's daytime sleep and contribute to overheating. For these purposes, you can use various screens, blinds, etc.;
away from heating elements (central heating radiators, radiators, etc.), since near them there is increased dryness of the air and a higher temperature;
away from places where mold forms (as a rule, these are dark and damp areas of the apartment), since inhalation of fungal spores can lead to the development of respiratory diseases and allergic reactions;
away from electrical appliances (TV, computer, fan, iron, etc.). Firstly, for safety reasons (the baby can pull the cord or knock over the device), and secondly, to eliminate the negative effects of electromagnetic radiation;
It is desirable that access to the crib be as free as possible. A significant obstacle can be excess furniture, large toys, etc. For convenience, the crib can be moved close to the parents’ “sleeping place.”

The decoration of the crib depends on the tastes of the parents. However, it should be noted that the use of a canopy and bumper may interfere with the observation of the child, impair air ventilation and contribute to the accumulation of dust, which the child ends up breathing. Over time, when the baby learns to actively roll over, and then sit down and stand up, the bumper will come in handy to protect the baby from impacts on the hard parts of the crib. You should remember the need to wash the bumper regularly, especially if the child has a predisposition to allergies. This should be done at least once a week.

Baby pillow

For an infant, sleeping on a flat, dense surface is optimal, which promotes the correct positioning of the vertebrae along the spinal column, free breathing and normal blood supply. To achieve this effect, you need to use a fairly dense and even mattress, and you do not need a pillow.

Blanket or envelope

Blanket or envelope can be used at room temperatures below 18-20°C. In this case, it is necessary to ensure that the baby does not wrap his head in a blanket, as a result of which he may suffocate. To prevent accidents, you can use a special envelope or mesh blanket. At temperatures above 20°C, it is permissible to simply cover the baby with a diaper or light blanket.

What to put your baby to bed in

It is preferable to use clothes made of soft, air- and moisture-permeable natural fabrics, without rough seams, elastic bands and large hard parts (buttons, appliqués, etc.). It is advisable that sleepwear provided the ability to quickly change a diaper without waking up the baby. In this regard, it is convenient to use slips or sliders with unfastening buttons along the crotch seam. When the air temperature is above 20°C, there is no need to dress the baby much warmer during sleep than during wakefulness, or put a cap on him, since children who constantly experience overheating are more susceptible to colds.

On the back, on the side, on the stomach

A feature of infants is a tendency to regurgitate, which is explained by the weakness of the orbicularis muscle, which “locks” the stomach. Therefore, it is not recommended to put children under 1 year of age sleep on your back to prevent food from entering the respiratory tract. In any case, when lying on the back, you must ensure that the baby’s head is turned to one side. Provides greater safety for the baby in cases of regurgitation sleeping on your side. Currently, special clamps are produced that hold the baby in the desired position and eliminate the possibility of rolling over onto the back or tummy. In this case, it is advisable to periodically turn the baby to the other side to avoid deterioration of local blood circulation, especially if the baby sleeps in diapers. The advisability of sleeping a baby on the stomach has long been a subject of debate.

On the one hand, it is known that this position improves the baby’s well-being with intestinal colic, and also stimulates the development of the muscles of the back and neck. On the other hand, it has been suggested that sleeping on your stomach increases the risk of developing sudden death syndrome. In this case, the aggravating factor is sleeping on a pillow or a soft, uneven mattress, when the child’s nasal passages may be closed to fresh air. If your baby likes to sleep on his stomach, you need to make sure his bed is level and flat. It is not recommended to sleep in this position for children with signs of nasal breathing problems (nasal congestion), for example, with a cold or viral infection.

Together with parents

It is preferable to put the baby in his own crib, since this allows adults to fully rest, eliminates the risk of crushing the baby, and better meets hygiene requirements. However, often for various reasons (the baby is sick and often wakes up at night, he is teething, etc.) parents put the child with them. In this case, to ensure the safety of the baby, it is necessary to control that he does not sleep on a pillow or bury his nose in it, is not covered with a blanket or pressed against one of the parents. The child is not swaddled so that he can move his arms. The baby should lie on its own sheet under its own diaper, blanket or blanket, or be in a special envelope. A reasonable solution is also to locate the crib with the side removed close to the adult bed, which ensures the safety of the child and the convenience of the parents.

In order for the baby to quickly fall asleep without outside help, it is necessary from birth to form in him the correct associations of falling asleep associated with certain environmental conditions under which the child feels comfortable, calms down and falls asleep. This is facilitated by compliance with the established bedtime ritual, for example: light massage, bathing, feeding, laying in the crib. It is important that the ritual is pleasant for the child, convenient for adults, and repeated every day at the same time. Falling asleep associations can also be developed with the help of a so-called object mediator. In this capacity there is a certain thing that is in the crib and serves as a kind of sedative. For a baby, it could be a mother’s scarf, which always retains a subtle “native” smell; for older children, it could be a toy. A good option would be to put the baby to bed with some calm music - a lullaby. However, it is worth considering that if the “assistant” is lost, broken, or replaced, difficulties may arise in falling asleep.

Motion sickness of a child

A child falling asleep while being rocked, in the arms of an adult, while fingering his hair, or with a bottle in his mouth are among the wrong associations of falling asleep. If such associations have already become entrenched in the psyche, with each awakening, which happens several times a night in infants, the baby will scream and demand the creation of the same conditions under which he was taught to fall asleep.

If the baby has established incorrect associations of falling asleep, parents will need a certain amount of restraint and consistency in order to replace the existing stereotypes with more acceptable ones. It is necessary to think over and begin a new ritual of falling asleep. At the same time, the calm and confidence of parents will contribute to the child’s faster adaptation to the new rules. It is necessary to teach him to distinguish night time from day time, to do this, minimizing communication with the baby in the dark, creating conditions of peace and quiet.

Night light for a child

Is it possible to watch TV or listen to music in the room where the baby sleeps?

In this case, the doctors’ recommendations are clear: for proper rest and normal development of the nervous system, the baby’s sleep should take place in conditions of relative silence. Although a newborn may not outwardly react to sounds, the background noise does not allow the brain to consistently go through all the necessary phases of sleep, and therefore to develop normally. An acceptable option for adults is to use headphones.

The child starts in his sleep

It has been established that shuddering when falling asleep, as well as when changing sleep phases, are a natural process. With age, as the nervous system matures and inhibitory mechanisms of nervous regulation form, shudders become less and less frequent and, in the end, may disappear completely.

The child snores

In newborns snoring often due to the peculiarity of the structure of the nasal cavity, when, due to the narrowness and tortuosity of the nasal passages, poor development of the nasal conchae, air turbulences are created during breathing, causing the appearance of characteristic sounds. Another reason may be mucus accumulated in the nasal cavity. In this case, after toileting the nose, snoring stops.

Handles up

Why do babies often sleep with their arms up? This is due to the phenomenon of the so-called physiological hypertonicity of the muscles of newborns, which determines this position of the arms. During the first year of life, muscle tone gradually decreases and the child begins to hold his hands more relaxed while sleeping.

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Today, all young parents are faced with the question of the duration of their children's sleep. And this is correct, because sleep for a child, especially a newborn, is the most important indicator of development and health. Some lucky ones are lucky: their babies sleep diligently, regain strength after birth and prepare to become inquisitive whys. All that remains is to be happy for them. And for those mothers and fathers for whom the problem of a newborn not sleeping well, we offer some useful tips.

How long should a newborn sleep?

First, let's define what the concept of “newborn” means. According to most classifications, a child is considered a newborn until 30 days of his life, then the baby begins to be called a baby. The second question that requires an answer is how much should a newborn sleep? Again, there are a huge number of theories on this subject, but if we summarize them, we get approximately the following sleep pattern:

• in the first days of life (up to two weeks), the newborn sleeps about 20 - 22 hours a day;
• starting from two weeks and until the end of the first month of life, sleep duration is reduced to 17 hours a day.

It is best if the duration of night sleep is 13–14 hours, and the reduction occurs due to daytime sleep. Believe me, it is better to play more with your child during the day than to “have fun” with him at night, especially if you have nervous neighbors and a working husband who is tired from the working day and has to go back to work tomorrow. The question of how a newborn should sleep is quite individual. All children are different: there are sleepyheads who can sleep 23 hours a day, and there are those who feel sorry for wasting their time sleeping when there is a lot of interesting things around them. Therefore, first of all, you should watch your child and adjust him to yourself. Children generally have very strong adaptive abilities. And you, one way or another, need to get enough sleep at night.

Why do newborns sleep poorly?

There are 3 main complaints of new parents related to their children's sleep:

1. a newborn does not sleep well during the day when his sleep pattern is as follows: I sleep for 30 minutes, stay awake for 30 minutes;
2. the newborn does not sleep well at night, namely, often wakes up and does not want to fall asleep;
3. The baby finds it difficult to settle down in the evening.

In order to understand why newborns sleep poorly, let's study the structure of children's sleep. Human sleep consists of phases of deep and shallow sleep, which replace each other. In the first days of life, the baby's deep sleep phase lasts from 20 to 40 minutes, after which a period of shallow sleep begins, and at this moment the child can be awakened by any sound, light or movement. It is easy to determine this phase if you are nearby: the baby is tossing and turning, his eyelashes are trembling, and it is noticeable how the pupils move under the eyelids.

Now we propose to talk about what young mothers and fathers should do to prevent sleep problems in their children. Relatively speaking, all aspects can be divided into 3 groups:

1. Baby's sleeping conditions

• temperature and oxygen saturation of the air in the room. Before going to bed, it is advisable to thoroughly ventilate the room to saturate the air with oxygen; with a sufficient amount of it, sleep will be stronger and more restful. Experts advise maintaining the temperature in the newborn’s room at 18–20 degrees. By the way, it’s very good if the baby sleeps outside, regardless of the weather.
• the level of illumination in the room in which the newborn sleeps. Experts recommend a little twilight, and the child should both fall asleep and wake up in the twilight; it creates conditions for falling asleep as quickly as possible. During the day, you need to close the windows with curtains or use blinds, and at night, use light-diffusing night lights so that the baby is not afraid of being in complete darkness;
• comfortable mattress. Make sure that the crib and stroller where your newborn sleeps have comfortable, hard mattresses. All experts unanimously say that a hard mattress and the absence of a pillow is the optimal solution for developing the correct posture of a child.
• There is one more thing that can ruin a baby’s sleep - this is his fear of being alone, not feeling the boundaries of his bed. A newborn does not perceive himself as a separate individual, and he is afraid to be without his mother in this huge world, therefore, in order for the baby to fall asleep as quickly as possible, it is recommended to put him next to you at least while he falls asleep, and then move him to the crib. If you decide for yourself that you want to teach your child to fall asleep right away in the crib, then just be next to the baby, stroke him, sing a song or quietly tell him a story. Then he will feel safe, and you will achieve your goal.

2. Physiological needs

• feeling of satiety. You need to make sure your child has eaten well. Breastfeed your baby if he is breast-fed, or bottle-feed, and then give him a pacifier if your baby is bottle-fed;
• Before putting the child to bed, be sure to change the baby’s diaper; if the baby is dry, it will be easier for him to fall asleep and his sleep will be more restful;
• Until 3–4 months of a baby’s life, colic will most likely be tormented, so preventing its occurrence should become an integral part of your life. Do massages and exercises that promote the passage of gas, place the baby on the tummy in the intervals before feedings. By the way, infants are luckier in this regard, since they have fewer problems with the stomach and constipation than artificial ones. In order to prevent intestinal problems, parents of such children need to choose the right mixture, preferably containing prebiotics.

3. Psychological factors

• the quality of the periods of wakefulness, namely, how fun and interesting the baby spends his time when he is not sleeping. Try to communicate with him more, talking like an adult, do exercises according to the child’s age, sing him songs, dance, read books. Having received a sufficient amount of impressions, emotions and information, the baby will fall asleep soundly. The only warning: do not overload your baby, he is still very small. After playing with him noisily at first, gradually reduce the level of activity so that he gradually calms down and gets ready to relax. Try not to allow late visits from relatives or friends, because for them this is entertainment, and you will start a “carousel” after they leave, because the child, having had a good time, will demand more, and it will be very difficult to put him to sleep. In this regard, introduce a moratorium on visits after 7 pm, then you will have the opportunity to calm your baby down over the next couple of hours and perform your bedtime ritual;
• create a ritual out of your bedtime routine, especially when it comes to going to bed in the evening. For example, after returning from a walk, you can eat and take a warm bath. Then dim the light and, in the twilight, do a light stroking massage, while simultaneously telling a story or singing a lullaby. Just make sure that the room is warm at this time and there are no drafts! We put on pajamas, say good night to all family members and go to bed. In this way, the child will get used to the daily routine, and this will give him a feeling of confidence and calm, which is very important for a good night’s sleep for the baby. Motion sickness is very good at putting children to sleep, but be careful with this because children get used to it very quickly and refuse to fall asleep any other way than in their arms! Good luck to you, dear parents, in the difficult task of creating a sleep schedule! We hope that our advice will make your life at least a little easier.

To begin with, let me clarify that I will mean a small child, from birth to about three years of age.

If parents knew what their newborn was experiencing and feeling, they would not be tormented by solving this problem of where to sleep for the child. Or if mothers could completely trust their instinct in resolving this issue, the problem would not exist, the child would sleep next to the mother. But it is difficult for instinctive behavior to break through layers of various information and prejudices, fears and conventions.

Many mothers think that it is simply wonderful that their babies will have a separate room, from birth, their own, wonderful beds. The expectant mother happily selects matching curtains and pillows, blankets, bedspreads, rugs and toys, creating a nice little cozy world for her child. She goes shopping, leafs through magazines, where everything is so wonderfully arranged and everything is so beautiful. She is looking for some special mattress with sea grass filling, and is terribly upset when she finds out that, for example, she cannot afford it. And so on...

What is her baby thinking at this time? Maybe he doesn’t think anything, but what he feels can be assumed... He feels warm and cramped, perhaps he feels like some kind of ovoid form (based on the shape of the inner surface of the uterus, which limits his world). He hears the sounds of the mother’s body - heartbeat, breathing, intestinal peristalsis, the noise of blood in the vessels. He feels the taste and smell of amniotic fluid (it fills the baby's mouth and nose). Through neurohumoral reactions, he senses changes in the mother's mood, he feels when she is happy or sad, when she is scared or angry. He is familiar with all the emotional experiences of his mother and it can be assumed that he perceives them as his own. He sucks the fist and sometimes the umbilical cord loops, learning to suck.

In the mid-20th century, English psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott suggested that the child feels one with the mother and the feeling of this unity persists for several months after the birth of the child. Further research in this direction confirms this assumption.

The child's world, his universe, is his mother. This statement remains true even after the birth of the child.

What happens to the baby’s feelings and desires after birth?
He finds himself in another world, where there are other sounds, light, other sensations of heat and cold, he is forced to perform actions that he was not capable of before (for example, he breathes, makes sounds). What remains the same? Periodically, he finds himself almost in the same state: he feels cramped, warm, he hears familiar sounds, albeit a little differently, and when he sucks, he feels a familiar taste and smell, similar to the taste and smell of amniotic fluid. Only then does he feel comfortable and safe. These feelings surround him when he is in his mother’s arms or lying next to her.

What does a newborn child feel when left to his own devices?
To quote Winnicott: “Left for a long time (we are talking not only about hours, but also about minutes) without the usual human surroundings, they experience an experience that can be expressed in these words:

disintegration into pieces

endless fall

dying... dying... dying...

loss of all hope of renewing contact"

(from the book by D.V. Winnicott “Little Children and Their Mothers”, p. 64, Library of Psychology and Psychotherapy, issue 52., M., “Class”, 1998).

This is, of course, not just about sleeping together. This quote will be especially interesting to those parents who believe that there is no need to “teach a child to hold hands” and “crying develops the lungs”...

Sleeping together with the mother is necessary for the child to develop a balanced psyche, to create confidence in the world around him and, above all, in his own mother, for a stable sense of security. A small child is characterized by predominantly superficial, shallow sleep. A large proportion of light sleep is a necessary condition for the development of a healthy brain. The brain continues to grow and develop only in the light sleep phase. During shallow sleep, the child controls where his mother is and whether she is nearby. If the mother is not around, he spends a scary long time in this phase alone, the baby falls asleep deeper or wakes up. Having sufficient duration of shallow sleep, children who sleep with their mothers have a richer potential for further development. Civilization, separating mother and child, does not use the capabilities of the brain, programmed for continuous development, and limits them.

If mother and baby sleep separately, the baby may experience prolonged deep sleep. Sometimes a two-month-old baby begins to sleep from 9 pm to 9 am, “like a log.” In such a situation, the child's long, deep sleep is a protective reaction to stress. Stress for a newborn is sleeping separately from the mother.

While sleeping together with the mother, the baby receives tactile stimulation necessary for the full development of the nervous system. The child receives little touch from his mother while he is awake. A child can only fully get what he needs while sleeping together.

Shallow sleep can also be called a baby’s defense mechanism. If something happened in a dream, the baby froze, or choked, or got wet, or it became difficult for him to breathe, it is easier to get out of shallow sleep and call for help.

Tactile stimulation coming from the mother also reminds the child that he is alive and needs to breathe. Tactile stimulation is necessary for the child to ensure the smooth functioning of the respiratory center. Sudden infant death syndrome is less common when the child sleeps with the parents. Newborn babies sometimes experience respiratory arrest, sleep apnea. In order for the child to start breathing, he must be touched (of course, if this happened a few seconds ago, and not three minutes). The importance of tactile stimulation is widely recognized. Leading companies producing medical equipment produce incubators for premature babies with a movable “bottom” that imitates the respiratory movements of the human chest (So that the baby feels like he is lying on his mother’s chest)…

Why does a mother need to sleep together with her child?

For long and successful breastfeeding. A woman is designed in such a way that the maximum concentrations of prolactin, the hormone that leads to the formation of milk, are formed in her body at night while the baby is sucking. Stimulation of the nerve endings of the skin of the areola sends a signal to the brain, which, acting on the pituitary gland, leads to an increase in the production of prolactin. Most prolactin is formed during the baby's night sucking. If a woman never feeds her baby at night, or only feeds her baby once (usually at 6 am), milk production gradually begins to decrease (due to insufficient stimulation of prolactin). It is not possible to feed a child under such conditions for a long time. In most cases, women notice that there is a catastrophic lack of milk by 1.5-3 months after childbirth.

The mother, as well as the child, receives regular stimulation of the skin, a necessary condition for normal lactation. A child who sleeps next to his mother cuddles with her much longer than a child who is constantly put off. A mother who constantly receives signals from the warm skin of her baby does not have to worry about the amount of milk - her hormonal system always has a powerful additional stimulus.

For a mother whose baby is still 1-2 months old, this is not so important, she already carries him in her arms a lot. This can be especially true for the mother of a growing child, 5-8 months, who begins to move a lot during the day, and the mother carries him in her arms less, because. he is already crawling on his own or trying to do so. Sleeping together makes up for the lack of physical contact and creates favorable conditions for proper feeding, because the child may “forget” to eat during the day. In the future, it is night feedings that allow the mother, for example, to go to work, or to be away for a long time, without worrying that her baby will not eat enough.

How does a child sleep with his mother behave at night?

The baby can fall asleep “at night” between about 10 pm and 1 am. From 2 to 5 am (depending on the time of falling asleep), the baby begins to fuss and latch on. When the baby begins to have “REM” sleep and begins to show restlessness, the mother “opens one eye,” puts it on and continues to sleep. Mom sleeps, of course, not soundly or deeply. You could say he's dozing. When the baby, having pumped, lets go of the breast and falls into a deep sleep, the mother also falls asleep. There are, however, situations when a mother, having put her baby to one breast at 2 am, opens her eyes and discovers that it is already 8 am, and they are still lying there and the baby is still with the same boobs “in his teeth”. It should be noted that night feedings look like this only if the mother knows how to feed while lying down in a comfortable position and can relax during feeding. Actually, “night” feedings are considered to be between 3 and 8 am. At this time, a month-old child has 2-3 or more attachments. And there are small children who latch on, for example, in this rhythm: at 22, at 24, and then at 2, at 4, at 6, at 8 in the morning. There are children who at one month of age had 6 morning feedings, and by 3-4 months there were 2-3 attachments. Often, by 4.5–6 months, the number of morning feedings increases again. This is due to the fact that a baby of this age begins to latch on less frequently during the day, does not suck for long, is easily distracted, and “gets” what he needs through active night sucking. As the child gets older, he does not give up night sucking at all. Children, for example, over a year old can suck very actively in the morning from about 4.00-6.00 in the morning, sometimes almost continuously, until they wake up, at 8.00-10.00 in the morning. Mothers just need to know that the desire to nurse at night and sleep next to their mother are not bad habits, but psychological and physiological needs, and should not fight them.

All children are programmed by nature to sleep together with their mother and actively suck at night. Babies who are bottle-fed also have a need to nurse at night. Confirmation of this can be observed at parent conferences on the Internet (for example, on the websites mama.ru and 7ya.ru). One mother begins to complain that her child always slept from 9 pm to 9 am, and at 6 months suddenly began to wake up every hour, another complains that she cannot wean a seemingly large child of 1.5-2 years old from a night bottle with milk or tea, but not from one... Or, just recently, one mother of a 9-month-old baby complained that she couldn’t put him in his personal crib, since birth he could only sleep next to her, despite the fact that she feeds him artificially...

All children have a need for co-sleeping, regardless of the type of feeding. For those children who were not allowed to realize it, it temporarily fades away, as if it never existed. Any psychologist will say that an unsatisfied need develops into a complex that is waiting for its realization, like a time bomb. If a certain life situation arises, circumstances in which this complex can be realized, a person ceases to act intelligently and rationally. An adult with the stubbornness of a child behaves completely illogically, only because he is carrying out a program, he is controlled by an old complex. Moreover, this can happen at any age.

The most typical picture of such a realization, which many can observe in life, is situations in which a woman cannot part with a man who beats her, drinks, treats her badly, only because she is afraid of being left alone in bed at night. Moreover, this is a subconscious fear; consciously she does not even undertake to explain why she stays with him, and this can drag on for years. The fear of loneliness at night forces people to endure unsuccessful life partners, live with long-bored relatives, have extra pets, etc. I don’t think that at least one mother, trying to “not spoil” her baby, will wish him such a sad fate in the future.

If a mother has taught her child to sleep alone, he, as a rule, endures this relatively painlessly until he is 1.5 years old. At 1.5 years old, the first conscious fear of the dark appears, and the lack of reliance on the mother certainly makes itself felt. The child is afraid to fall asleep alone, he pulls his parents towards him, calls them, cries, learns to manipulate them. By the age of 2, in many families the problem of falling asleep, and with it sleeping together, turns into a whole battle. It is easier only for those who already sleep with the child, so it is wiser to solve the problem before the child reaches this age.

Children who have always slept with their parents usually get over their first night terrors easily and painlessly, and move to their own bed after 3 years. Conflicts arise only where a complex has already formed, because the parents did not immediately come to terms with the presence of the child in their bed or tried to put him in a separate bed too early, and he remembered this.

Statistics show that children who, at 5-6 years old, still sleep with their parents, most often had the experience of sleeping separately, and more than half of them came to their parents’ bed after 1.5 years! That is, when parents do not sleep with a child for five months, there is no guarantee that they will not have to do this after 1.5 years, but they have already provided an unrealized complex and adverse psychological consequences for their child!

There is an even more difficult option, when a child who has already acquired independence, in order to solve his problems, nevertheless comes to his parents’ bed at the age of 4-6. Then, of his own free will, he does not leave there until 20!

What do you need to know and be able to do to organize co-sleeping with your child?
1. the child must know that he can sleep with his mother and adapt to this,

2. Mom should be able to comfortably feed while lying down.

3. A mother should be able to sleep with her child and relax at the same time.

All this does not happen immediately, spontaneously, by itself. In practice, adaptation takes from 2 weeks to 1.5 months. In the event that you sleep with the child from birth (or start immediately after the hospital). If the mother already had a child with whom she slept together, she adapts faster. For a mother with many children, such behavior is natural and there is no need to adapt.

If you try to learn later, it will take at least a month to adapt, and only if the mother is convinced of the correctness of her actions! A child who is not used to sleeping together may toss and turn violently, kick, and wake up the mother with his movements. There may also be difficulties with thermoregulation, because as they said in one famous film, “2 Indians under one blanket will never freeze.” So mother and child keep each other warm, so they have to change their clothing habits or cover themselves with a lighter blanket... If we add to this the change in the rhythms of night sleep, it becomes clear that relearning is much more difficult than solving these issues gradually, as they arise. If mom tries to start at 5-6 months she may fail!

An unprepared mom's ability to safely co-sleep greatly depends on the shape and size of her breasts.

If mom has breasts larger than size 4, she CANNOT! Try to sleep with your baby on your own. You should contact your nearest lactation consultant. If he is not nearby, then you need to find a mother who knows how to sleep with her child, who knows how to feed while lying down in a comfortable position. It is advisable that this be a mother with positive experience in feeding several children...

If a mother has problems with attachment, it is difficult for her to solve them in a supine position. You must first deal with the problems in a comfortable position, then learn to control the child’s lying position during daytime sleep, and only then start doing the same at night.

For what reasons do mothers not sleep with their babies?
Moms don't know that co-sleeping is necessary. After reading the above, mom will know that co-sleeping is necessary for both her and her baby.

Doctors' prohibitions. Doctors who are competent in issues related to breastfeeding and the psychology of a newborn have nothing against sleeping together with a child.

Due to the negative attitude of relatives, especially the husband. Relatives do not know about the need to sleep together with a child, as soon as you tell them about it. (I would like to add that most people do not really like to engage in marital relations in a room where there is someone else, even a small child, even in his own crib. If there are additional rooms, there is no problem at all, but it can be solved, even if there are no extra rooms...)

They do not know how to feed while lying in a comfortable position. You need to learn, contact a lactation consultant, or an experienced mother who knows how to do this.

Due to the inconvenience associated with large breast size, awkward breast shape, and inverted nipple. These inconveniences can also be overcome with the help of lactation consultants or an experienced mother.

They are afraid to spoil the child. It is impossible to spoil a child by sleeping together.

For hygienic reasons. Mother and breastfed baby have the same microflora.

They are afraid to “sleep” the child. A mother cannot put her baby to sleep if she knows how to feed while lying down in a comfortable position, if she is mentally healthy, if she has not blocked the “sentinel” zone of the cerebral cortex with alcohol, sleeping pills or drugs.

Your baby has already been born, and now a happy life together awaits you. This is wonderful, if not for one “but”: it’s already 12 at night, and the baby flatly refuses to sleep.

Moreover, even when he finally falls asleep, you know for sure that during the night you will have to feed him several times and then rock him to sleep. And constant sleepless nights can destroy any happiness, causing terrible health and some disappointment in the new family role.

So how much should a newborn sleep, and how to form his correct concepts about sleep and wakefulness? Let's find out...

Infant sleep duration

Believe me, your baby needs healthy sleep even more than you. The physiological need of a newborn (up to 28 days from birth) for sleep is 16-20 hours a day, that is, very little ones do nothing but sleep. At the age of 1 month to six months, babies sleep on average 16 hours a day, then the amount of time for sleep decreases, and from about 2 years old, children begin to sleep on average 10-12 hours a day.

However, it must be borne in mind that children's sleep is very different from that of an adult. We are used to sleeping only at night and sometimes for an hour and a half during the day. Newborns do not distinguish the time of day. In their mother’s tummy, they did not see the change of day and night, so they fell asleep and woke up according to their own biorhythms, which they retained after birth.

It is also important that babies cannot go without food for a long time, and therefore wake up every 2.5-4 hours to eat. And your baby’s sleep may be interrupted if his diaper becomes wet, or if he poops in his sleep. A child's sleep, among other things, is greatly influenced by the temperature and humidity of the air - if the baby becomes uncomfortable sleeping, he will wake up immediately.

At night, children up to 1-1.5 years old can wake up up to 3-4 times, then the number of wakings gradually decreases. Children learn to sleep soundly all night without waking up to eat or go to the toilet only by the age of 4-5, and some even later. So, young parents, be patient!

How do babies sleep?

To better understand children's sleep, you need to understand its phases. For up to six months, babies spend 50-60% of each sleep cycle in shallow, restless sleep, during which they are easily awakened. It is not difficult to understand that this is precisely the phase of sleep now. During the restless phase, the baby may move for centuries, toss and turn in the crib, throw up his arms, grimace, smile, laugh in his sleep, sob, etc.

When the baby falls into deep sleep, his eyelids are calm, he breathes evenly and very quietly, he does not toss and turn, his face and body are completely relaxed. During this phase, the baby will not be awakened by light noise or your movements around the room.

Interestingly, some neonatologists claim that children under one month in the deep sleep phase do not hear external noises and can sleep even with a loud TV or music on. This is due to the immaturity of their nervous system, which does not yet perceive sounds in their sleep.

The phases of sleep, like those of adults, are fully established in children only by the age of 15-16, however, from the age of two, children almost do not confuse their formed biorhythms of sleep and wakefulness. Therefore, the task of parents is to convey to the child as quickly as possible when he should sleep, and when to play and have fun.

How to teach a child to sleep on time?

To teach your child to sleep on time, follow these tips:

1. Show your baby how day differs from night.

All your stories about the change of time of day for a 2-3 month old baby are incomprehensible gobbledygook.
Show all this with clear examples. In the morning, when the baby just wakes up, immediately open the curtains and let light into the room. Let him associate a bright room with waking hours.

During the day, play, do necessary things, walk outside, but as soon as the baby wants to sleep, immediately close the curtains, turn off the lights in the room or lower the hood of the stroller, if you are outside, stop talking, create silence. This way you will let your baby understand that it is always quiet and dark during sleep.

When the baby clearly understands these patterns, then in the evening, in dim light and in silence, he will quickly fall asleep.

2. Create family rituals and daily routines

For young children, the daily routine is very important - it teaches them to live according to the rules, gives them a sense of security and regularity of events. Also, your daily routine and daily rituals help you learn to fall asleep on time.

You can give your baby a massage every evening, then bathe him, feed him and put him to bed. After some time, the child will remember the sequence of actions and will reflexively want to sleep when bedtime comes.

3. Monitor your sleep comfort

Be sure to create comfortable sleeping conditions for your baby. The temperature in the children's room should be 18-20 degrees, and the humidity 50-60%. The baby does not yet need a pillow, and the mattress in the crib should be orthopedic with natural filling. There should be nothing on the baby’s bed: no toys, no pacifier, no bottle of water, so that at night, if the baby tosses and turns, he won’t wake up because of foreign things.

It is advisable to buy sheets that are attached to the mattress with an elastic band so that the baby does not pull off the sheet in his sleep. It’s better to replace the blanket up to one year with a baby sleeping bag, which is comfortable to sleep in, like in a mother’s tummy, and which cannot be pulled over your head, thereby blocking the normal access of air.

4. Don't play or have fun before bed

If it’s time for your baby to go to bed soon, then don’t play noisy fun games before bed, don’t make the baby laugh, and make sure he’s not too active. But reading fairy tales, quiet games and massage, on the contrary, relax you and put you in the mood for sleep.

What to do if the baby does not sleep?

Parents often ask each other and others this question. But here we need to figure out whether the baby really has insomnia or whether his sleep is somehow disturbed, or maybe the parents look at the issue of sleep and wakefulness too subjectively?

If the baby is dry, fed, nothing bothers him (no colic, no teething, no heat rash or diaper rash, no insect bites), he is not sick, then there may be several reasons for sleep disturbances:

1. Hidden diseases

Parents may not even realize that hidden diseases are affecting their baby. If your child has difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep, take him to a pediatric neurologist. Perhaps he will detect increased intracranial pressure in the baby, which often leads to childhood insomnia.

2. Your baby is overexcited before bed

This again means that before going to bed you should not play noisy games, have fun or watch TV for a long time. Well, you shouldn’t scare the baby with anything either. For example, if you notice that your child is restless in complete darkness, then let him fall asleep in the light of a night light. Let your baby sleep with his favorite toy, fall asleep next to you (then you can move the baby to his bed), etc.

3. You have broken your daily rituals or routine.

When daily rituals are not performed or the daily routine is disrupted, the baby may protest by not sleeping at the proper time. The answer is simple - do not break the usual patterns.

4. You missed your baby's sleepy time.

If you notice that your baby is rubbing his eyes or nose with his hands, yawning, closing his eyes, leaning on his side, but bedtime has not yet come, then do not wait for the coveted time, put him to bed right now.

The fact is that in babies the phases of falling asleep and being awake follow certain rules. It’s like at the airport: if a person doesn’t catch his plane, he can only fly on the next flight. So kids, if they do not fall asleep in one phase of falling asleep, they will not be able to fall asleep until the second phase occurs.

Of course, you can try to put a child to bed who wanted to sleep 20 minutes ago, but now doesn’t want to, but little will come of it. We'll have to wait for the next phase.

The younger the baby, the shorter his sleep phases. Therefore, you can try to put very little ones, whose moment of sleepiness has been missed, to bed after 20-30 minutes, and older children will have to wait another hour and a half of wakefulness before the new phase of falling asleep.

Sometimes parents just think that something is wrong with their baby’s sleep, but in fact everything is quite natural for the baby’s age. For example, if the mother believes that the baby does not sleep well at night only because he wakes up several times to eat, then this is normal for the baby.

If the baby does not want to fall asleep without rocking, then do not accustom him to this method of lying down, and if you have already accustomed him, try to replace rocking with a new, no less pleasant ritual.

It happens that young mothers complain that their baby wakes up at an inconvenient time for them, for example, when the mother herself is getting ready to sleep or is deeply asleep. In this case, also try to go to bed when your baby falls asleep.

This way you can get enough sleep, and try to do housework while your baby is awake and playing. Over time, the child will begin to sleep less often and longer - then your sleep and wakefulness phases will begin to coincide.

It happens that babies only want to sleep in their mother’s arms. Whenever you try to put them in the crib, the baby immediately wakes up and protests mournfully. This happens and not very rarely. There is only one way out: put the baby next to you at night (ideally, if the baby sleeps in his own crib, which is close to the bed where the mother sleeps), and during the day allow the baby to sleep in a sling while the mother does household chores.

And you shouldn’t worry at all if your baby doesn’t fall asleep well at a party, in an unfamiliar environment or in the presence of unfamiliar people - this is an absolutely normal phenomenon for small children. Just like when a baby starts crying if he notices that he woke up in the wrong place and in the wrong environment in which he fell asleep (for example, if you moved him after falling asleep).

Be patient with your children, and good dreams to your little ones!

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