"Hot ten" human fears. How to deal with fears? Dealing with Anxiety and Fear

— Painful fears have the property of obsession. They “fall” on a person. They paralyze his consciousness, his normal life activities.

In addition, painful physiological reactions occur. With neurotic anxiety, a person’s heart rate most often increases, blood pressure may increase, profuse sweating begins, a person feels muscle stiffness, it happens that out of fear a person cannot move, his legs become shackled - such a stupor is observed. And sometimes, anxiety of a neurotic nature causes a state of panic, excitement, when a person cannot sit still: he begins to rush about, may cry, and gesticulate involuntarily. A person suddenly feels that tears are flowing down his cheeks, and he himself does not understand why this is happening, and, perhaps, even realizes the inadequacy of these reactions, but cannot do anything about them. Those. neurotic reactions can appear by themselves, against the will, in addition to an intellectual, conscious assessment of current events.

— Are fear and anxiety about the same thing?

— Usually, when we talk about anxiety, there is no indication of the subject, a specific object. And fear is always fear of something. Some people are afraid of very specific things: the dark, heights, someone is afraid of water - they cannot go into a river or sea, someone is afraid of dogs, someone is afraid of flying on an airplane, someone is afraid of driving in a car. As a rule, the provoking factors of such fears are events in the past: either the person himself found himself in a situation - he drowned, choked, and as a result he is afraid of water, or he saw that someone else was drowning and was barely pumped out; or, unfortunately, he witnessed someone falling out of a window - for example, a housemate. This can also be imprinted in the mind - a vision of someone else's death or some difficult experiences that another person may experience who found himself in some situation for which he was not prepared, and, in the end, it ended in some tragic circumstances . And this may well be a provoking factor.

When a pathological, painful, insurmountable fear occurs, it is also called a phobia. “Phobias” are fears that a person experiences against his or her will. They cause very disturbing, subjectively unpleasant experiences that have a suppressive effect on a person. Due to the phobias that have arisen, his life cannot proceed as before.

—Are there any other types of fears?

Yes, I have. We constantly live with some types of fear; we cannot escape them. These include so-called existential fears. Existential fear is inextricably linked with the feeling of completeness, finitude of human life. Each of us knows that sooner or later death will come. In addition, there is also fear of the unknown, fear of unforeseen developments of events, fear of loneliness, feelings of one’s own helplessness, and others. Man differs from animals precisely in the presence of existential fears. Since we are representatives of the human race, we go through life with these fears and anxieties. A person must learn to move forward towards his future, not knowing what it will bring: grief or joy.

— Why is one person more afraid in a certain life situation, and another less? What qualities of a person does this depend on?

— It is an undeniable fact that there are individual differences in the experience of anxiety and fear among different people. For some people, these experiences are characterized by particular severity and intensity. These are neurotic people. They have characteristics of the nervous system and psyche that make them highly impressionable, vulnerable and prone to exaggerating real danger. Such people are called in psychology people of the “anxious-suspicious, phobic type.” They quite often suffer from a tendency towards hypochondria: they are very afraid of pain, they are afraid of contracting any disease, they live and constantly listen to their state of health.

In addition, acquired psychological trauma influences the heightened experience of anxiety and fear. In the lives of some people, circumstances may tragically arise when, over a short period of time, close people pass away one after another: mother, father, brother, sister... God forbid, someone loses their only child... This is one of the most large and heavy losses. When a person’s events line up like this, he feels especially acutely that human life is fleeting, that there is a certain limitation of human strength and capabilities, that a person is susceptible to illness and dangerous situations - then even small troubles are experienced very painfully. The totality of accumulated traumas in a previous life can cause a heightened perception of the experience of current fears and anxieties.

What else could play a role? We all vary greatly in our ability to overcome challenges. This is directly related to the development of human will. There are people who understand everything with their minds, but their will is not sufficiently formed, and therefore the ability for purposeful volitional effort is also limited. There are people who, in difficult situations, are able to mobilize, look their fear in the eye and go straight to it, one might say, headlong. And there are people who are constantly looking for roundabout ways, trying to avoid these dangerous life situations, being careful, playing it safe, or for the time being creating illusions for themselves that “this does not concern me,” “this danger will pass by,” “only others die.” , “only others get sick,” “for me, this doesn’t exist.”

Depending on the type of nervous system, temperament and emerging personality type, each person has his own specific form of psychological protection from unforeseen and dangerous situations. We can say that there is a certain set of human behavior strategies with the help of which a person overcomes his fear and anxiety.

There are people who tend to panic in moments of danger. They do not fight their fear in any way, do not look for any workarounds to solve problems - they immediately capitulate, give up and begin to tremble with their whole being. There is such a phenomenon in biology - a living organism can fall into suspended animation, in a state of stupor or hibernation. People can behave in exactly the same way: once - and the person closes, psychologically “slams shut”, enters a kind of capsule. When such a protective mechanism begins to operate, an adult may fall into a childish, infantile state. He becomes a helpless, naive, stupid creature who cannot be responsible for his words and actions. Based on such a state, a person can “go into illness.” In the face of a dangerous situation, a person may develop various physical ailments, because the illness of the body is much easier to bear than the internal state of fear. At this moment, a person’s lower back may stiffen, their blood pressure may jump, and their heart may ache...

In difficult situations, such a person always has some kind of sore that relieves him of responsibility for making decisions. He lies down on a hospital bed or on the sofa at home and says: “That’s it, I’m sick.” For him, his own illness becomes a kind of refuge into which he plunges; then it is no longer he who decides something, but other people begin to take care of him, begin to think about how to help him and how to cure him. In these cases, a person creates for himself a kind of “cocoon” from his physical suffering, from which he does not want to leave. He is sick and does not want to get better. Why? Because as soon as he recovers, he needs to be responsible for his actions and solve real problems. There are neurotic people who have a whole bunch of illnesses. These diseases are a manifestation of psychosomatics: they are part of the psychological reaction to life problems that have arisen. One disease ends, another begins. They get sick, get sick and get sick... Often doctors treat them and cannot cure them: now one part of the body hurts, then another: now the liver, now the spleen, now the lower back, now the pressure, and again in a circle. And these people go to doctors, get treatment, but cannot be cured for a long time, because this bunch of symptoms is based on a psychological root - “avoiding problems.” This psychological mechanism may be conscious, or it may be unconscious.

Such people do not want to recover, because they receive some benefit from their position as an “eternally sick person.” The logic is simple: “What do you want from a sick person?” Nothing can be taken from him, nothing can be entrusted to him. In our practice, we have met people who really wanted to ask the question: “What will you do when you are cured? Do you have any plan for your future life?

Of course, most often we can see such a bouquet of suffering and such a line of behavior in older people. There are quite a lot of people who have retired and no longer work, and when some troubles begin in the family, or losses of loved ones occur (a husband has died, a wife has died, a close relative), and a person begins to walk in a vicious circle constantly emerging illnesses: he goes to doctors, gets treatment, but he doesn’t get any better, because he doesn’t know how to live on now.

Pathological types of fear and anxiety, which are called phobias, as a rule, are always based on a reason - an initial experience when a person encountered certain difficulties, was confused, humiliated, depressed or shocked. This experience of experiencing one’s weakness is involuntarily deposited in a person’s memory. They are postponed and forgotten, because unpleasant, traumatic, painful events are forced out of a person’s consciousness, but do not disappear completely. S. Freud wrote about this. After some time, this may manifest itself in the form of a pathological type of fear that suddenly falls on a person. Out of nowhere, suddenly a person develops an obsessive fear, horror from the fact that he, say, finds himself in a crowd of people. And he can't understand why. A person once, perhaps a very long time ago, received a blow to his nervous system, to his psyche, to his personal structure, something in him trembled, was disrupted, some kind of “crack” appeared, and over time it only grows . And after some period of time, new life circumstances may be superimposed on this experience, and as a result, fear may appear to a person a second time, in the form of a state of phobia. A painful mental state arises, which he can no longer drive away with an effort of will, since now this state already possesses him.

Many types of fear are born in childhood, and our experience of practical work shows that often we receive people who are already, perhaps, 40-50 years old, but they say that throughout their lives they have suffered some kind of fear. fear, associated, for example, with the fact that the father was drinking, severely flogged the child with a belt. Children who were disliked by their own parents, severely punished, humiliated and threatened to be thrown out of home, grow up to be neurotic. Some of them even develop mental illness or become suicidal.

— Please tell us more about the fears that come from childhood.

— It happens that children’s fears can be provoked not by aggression, but by the indifference of parents - say, the indifferent, emotionally cold attitude of a mother towards a child. For example, a woman initially wanted to have an abortion, but did not, the child was still born, but it may subsequently cause her irritation and anger. When a child turns out to be unwanted, unnecessary, when he is perceived as a burden, the mother can treat him cruelly. Very often, the cause of emotional rejection of a child is resentment against the husband, the father of the child, who drank, cheated, or left the family during pregnancy. Look, the child is not to blame for anything, but he lives and develops in an atmosphere of maternal dislike, indifference, and the absence of some kind of warmth and affection.

In order for children to develop well, study well, and be intelligent, maternal care, affection and love are very important. Especially in the first six months, when the woman is still feeding the baby, bringing it to her breast, when she sings him lullabies, when she kisses him tenderly. At this moment, the child’s attachment to the mother, a positive attitude towards her, as well as a positive attitude of the mother towards the child is formed. And when these relationships are symmetrical, the child develops well.

But many children don't get this. After all, now there are young women who do not want to breastfeed their children because they are afraid of ruining their figure. The child does not receive mother's milk, he is fed formula, he is rarely picked up; some nanny is raising him, but not his mother. This alienation from the mother, the lack of emotional warmth, manifestations of love, tenderness deprives the child of a very important resource from which his soul, psyche and personality are nourished. As a result, the older the child, the more such unpleasant consequences appear. It is precisely in children who are not loved, who are not treated kindly by their mother at a very early age, that very often there is unaccountable tension, fear, timidity, and self-doubt. Such children are often afraid of both the dark and strangers.

In addition, conflicts between parents are very sensitive for a child. Some parents think that at an early age there is no need to even worry about this. And they swear dirty words in front of the child, sometimes they even fight, insult each other, express some kind of aggression, throw various objects at each other. In fact, the younger the child, the more strongly this conflict situation affects him. Of course, parental divorce has the most negative effect on the psyche of children. This can make them seriously ill. Some experience night terrors, enuresis, stuttering, nervous tics, bronchial asthma, and chronic digestive disorders.

Some fears, fortunately, go away on their own with age. If parents come to their senses in time and begin to understand that the child has begun to have psychosomatic reactions of a neurotic nature, they can correct the situation. You can treat the symptoms, but if the situation in the family does not become more favorable, if the parents do not approach this child with attention, with love, if they do not learn to build good relationships with him and with each other, then, naturally, these fears are reinforced, and then cause the development of some kind of mental illness.

— It turns out that fears are closely related to the situation in our family?

- Certainly. The causes of fears may be conflicting relationships in the family or with other people we encounter in society.

For example, there is a type of fear that is associated with the perception of space: claustrophobia is the fear of enclosed spaces, and agoraphobia is the fear of open spaces and large crowds of people. People with agoraphobia are afraid to travel in public transport, in particular, they are very afraid to go down the subway; they are afraid to leave the house, on the street, especially when it’s broad daylight, when everyone is running somewhere... We, Muscovites, have already adapted and don’t notice, but people who come from some Russian outback say: “Oh , you Muscovites are all crazy here; you live at such a frantic pace.” I often go to lectures on the subway, in the early morning hours, when everyone is going to work. In the passage no one talks to anyone, there is tense silence, only the steady clatter of feet can be heard: we are transferring from one train to another. We see frozen, closed, “deaf” faces of people. Many with headphones, immersed in their phones, smartphones, tablets. No one is interested in anyone, complete alienation. Moreover, people stand face to face and nose to nose, sometimes driving for forty minutes in one direction.

We live in a social space that violates all the laws of normal human communication. Because every person has a personal psychological space, that optimal distance that he establishes between himself and another person. But in a metropolis like Moscow, all these spaces are violated. Someone who you don’t know, who you didn’t invite, who perhaps smells bad or behaves provocatively, who is completely indifferent to you, etc. is sure to invade your personal space. There are people who are terribly afraid of this crowd of people in transport, especially in the subway.

From the experience of consultations, I want to say that when such agoraphobia falls on a person, he cannot work, because... I have to take the subway to work every day. Mostly, this phobia affects women, and women who live with their families, but feel loneliness due to some kind of discord in their relationships with loved ones. When people live nearby, but not together, under the roof of the same house, a person experiences a feeling of loneliness. The destruction of the family, which represents the psychological and spiritual unity of people, causes serious trauma to the human soul. A person begins to acutely feel his helplessness and defenselessness, the uselessness and uselessness of his existence. He often loses the meaning of his life. It feels good when we have a sense of community, spiritual and psychological unity, and belonging to each other. When we have a “sense of We,” then we are strong, confident, and calm. We can be very different, everyone can do their own thing, but it is important for us to have a “common sense”, to feel support and interest in our affairs and successes from close people.

When there is no such involvement - and this is now in many families - when the husband has his own life, the wife has his own, the child has his own life, then we become lonely in the circle of close people. We met in the evening, had dinner, kissed, went to bed, and ran away again in the morning. Parallel life. This alienation gives rise to a deep feeling of orphanhood, the meaninglessness of existence. God created man in such a way that he needs someone else. A person needs face-to-face communication, he needs trust, community, intimacy, he needs like-mindedness and support. As soon as this personal connection is lost, the person becomes ill. The trigger for this phobia can be an aggravated experience of the feeling of loneliness that comes to a person at this moment, when people are nearby, but not together. Like a trip on the subway - “we are close, but not together.”

— Irina Nikolaevna, you said that different people react differently to stress and fear. One person goes ahead, another looks for workarounds, the third withdraws into a “house”... Are these reactions innate or acquired? Can a person change their reactions? A person who is used to going to the “house” can force himself to go ahead, for example?

“It depends on how far the situation has gone, how painful the symptoms have affected the person. In order for a person to fight this, he must first analyze the situation, he must be able to reflect. Following his feeling, his physiological state, he must come to a conclusion and honestly admit to himself what he is afraid of.

I'll give you my personal example. I myself had experience of struggling with the fear of public speaking - social phobia. When speaking in front of a large audience, fear can literally paralyze us: our thinking and speech are disrupted, at this moment a person can become confused, suddenly break out in a sweat, become absent-minded, and forgetful. When we graduated from Moscow State University, our diploma included a record of the specialty we received: “psychologist, teacher of psychology.” I told myself then that I wanted to do science and would never work as a teacher. I said that because I had a feeling of self-doubt inside me, fear large audiences. And in the nineties, when the restructuring of the Russian economy began, you just had to survive, earn money to feed your family and take care of loved ones. On reflection, I realized at that moment that I had no other choice but to go teach psychology at the Institute for Advanced Training of Teachers. There was no other work then.

And just imagine that preparing for the first lecture caused me very serious internal experiences, a reaction of fear, almost panic. I remember how I wrote notes until late, endlessly re-read books... I ironed all my clothes, put on my best high-heeled shoes, and combed my hair carefully. In general, I was terribly worried. The anxiety was such that I couldn’t even sleep at that moment. And, of course, when I came to the lecture, I experienced real horror: there were only men sitting in the hall! I remember that I laid out my papers on the teacher’s table. But I couldn’t even take my eyes off the audience and look at my notes. It seemed to me that as soon as I looked at the papers, everyone would see that I didn’t know the material enough. And it paralyzed me so much... There was terrible stiffness, my speech was all torn into separate phrases... When this lecture ended, I felt that I could barely stand on my feet: everything was stiff... My blouse literally stuck to my back. And then... Then the way out of this state began, which also lasted two whole days. I endlessly replayed all my phrases in my memory, endlessly analyzed them and felt a bitter feeling that everything had gone wrong. I felt very bad at heart... I experienced my failure painfully.

But, probably, studying at the Faculty of Psychology helped - after all, I had a mindset for reflection. I began to mercilessly analyze myself: what am I afraid of? Apparently, the fear was due to the fact that I really wasn’t ready enough for the classes. I had to admit to myself that I don’t yet know this material enough to do without notes. Most importantly, I admitted to myself then that when I was preparing for the lecture, I was more concerned about looking perfect, so that my appearance corresponded to some notorious “norm.” I realized that I have a bias towards chasing the external, to the detriment of the internal content of the lecture. I believe that my healing began from that moment, from the realization that I was more worried about the external than the internal.

At that moment, I pronounced a harsh verdict on myself: I was not yet ready enough for a public lecture, to work with an audience. And you had to come to terms with this, with this realization that even though you only have A’s in your diploma, this type of activity is new to you, you need to learn it, gain experience. And first of all, you need to learn to overcome yourself, your fear.

This situation really helped me a lot. Once there, I realized that I had to get used to the idea that I would have to prepare for these lectures day after day and learn to speak and communicate with the audience. I also realized that if I talk about something new, about something that will be interesting to people, it will attract their listeners’ attention, then I can think less about external things. Thus, shifting the emphasis from form to content liberated me in some way. I can’t say that everything went smoothly on the second try, but at least I realized that I had discovered my fear and made the decision to move forward, towards my fear, overcoming my weakness. I could not imagine then that working as a psychology teacher would later become my full-time occupation.

One of the types of fighting fear is moving towards it: when a person does not hide, does not evade responsibility, does not turn aside, does not look for some way out, does not capitulate, abandoning his goals and objectives. The most dangerous thing, when something didn’t work out and caused an inferiority complex, was to say to yourself: “That’s it, I’d rather not do this at all; I won’t survive this shame.” It is very important to be able to fight your fear, live with it, even use its appearance so that it charges us to work, to search for new development resources in our souls. To do this, you need to activate your will, you need to fight for yourself.

A believer has an important, saving means for overcoming difficulties: when we are afraid of something, do not want, or are not very good at it, we can pray and do some work that is entrusted to us - for the sake of Christ. When you begin to do “for the sake of Christ,” you understand that performing a specific activity is your Christian duty, your direct responsibility. We Christians must not run away from responsibility, from this vital Cross. We must voluntarily take responsibility for the work entrusted to us, and patiently endure all the labor required for this. When a person is proud, he, as a rule, suffers from perfectionism, and reasons like this: “If I cannot immediately do this task with high performance, it means that I am not suitable for this task at all. This is not mine! No, you can’t think like that! You must be able to come to terms with the state of apprenticeship: today I can do this, tomorrow I can do it a little better, the day after tomorrow I can do it a little better. If I practice, if I diligently learn a new thing that I have never done before, then over time I will definitely master it. Then, imperceptibly, the fear will go away, and some additional personal resources will appear that make a person stronger and stronger.

- So, you have to force yourself?

- Yes. Compulsion is a very important personal resource. But the compulsion must be supported by some higher order motives. For the sake of the well-being of loved ones, for the sake of Christ - here the feat of overcoming one’s weakness begins. What is a “feat”? This means that you move forward, overcome your natural weaknesses and limitations, and become a person guided by the will of God and realizing a certain meaning.

It is human nature to be afraid and frightened, especially when he understands that he has been entrusted with some very important task. But this is where we are tested, how we act. Remember, there is an episode in the Gospel when the apostles float on Lake Gennesaret, and Christ with them. The Savior sleeps calmly at the stern, and the apostles see that a storm is beginning. They push Him aside and say: “Lord! We are dying! And He says to them in response: “Why are you so fearful, you of little faith?” Those. timidity is at the same time a lack of our faith. Thus, timidity is considered in Orthodoxy as a sin. And the root of all sin is pride, self-love. After all, we rely more on ourselves than on God’s help, which is why we experience various fears.

And vice versa, when a person acquires spiritual experience, the ability to surrender to the will of God, he is given special inner peace, courage and strength.

“This is quite difficult for a person who is focused on solving some immediate and often quite selfish tasks.

— It is noticeable that people who suffer from various phobic and neurotic disorders are not future-oriented. It is very important for a person that he develops, improves, so that he is always directed towards the Kingdom of Heaven. When we come to church for service, the first exclamation with which the liturgy begins: “Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” People are reminded of the purpose for which we live and walk the Earth. Aspiration towards such a future is... like light at the end of the tunnel. The desire to enter the Kingdom of Heaven fills us and our lives with meaning. For this sake, it is worth enduring the darkness and crampedness of this movement, some of our own life’s hardships, the burden of responsibility that is entrusted to us.

People who suffer from phobic disorders are more likely to be oriented toward the past. This is one of the characteristic features of their way of life. When experiencing states of fear, a person is afraid of the future, he does not want to change anything. At some point he wants to say: “Stop, just a moment!” If he had any losses, the person suffered, and finally there was some kind of calm. And a person wants to remain in this state forever, and does not want to move forward in any way. He clings to some of his “crutches”, to some forms of psychological defense that he has developed. Any change in the situation for him brings a feeling of something unpleasant, which again unsettles him. Such people stop developing.

By the way, I read in one article that one of the characteristic causes of phobias is rigidity (conservativeness) of thinking. Man strives for some kind of constant, for an unchanging state of his being. Those. he doesn't want to grow, learn, change. Somewhere inside himself he finds a point of support, and holds on to it. For him, predictability is better than unpredictability.

We are all different from each other in this regard. For example, when a person goes on a trip. Some people took it and went. They are confident that if they need something, they will buy it, find it, and figure it out. But there are people who don’t want to go anywhere and believe that you shouldn’t go far from home, because everything is dangerous, and the house is seen as a bomb shelter - “my home is my fortress.”

“If fear seizes a person, there is no psychiatrist nearby, no psychologist nearby. How to deal with this?

If a person is engaged in creative activities, then he can switch to his favorite hobby. Drawing, singing, playing music or simply listening to calm melodies can also have a healing, psychotherapeutic effect. There is, after all, a direction of psychotherapeutic work that is called “art therapy,” i.e. art therapy. It is important to interrupt the painful and unpleasant flow of thoughts; you need to make a switch. It is very dangerous to be in a vicious circle of difficult problems from which a person cannot get out. In this case, he programs himself to develop morbid suspiciousness and fear.

— What are the productive methods of overcoming chronic fear? Not leaving him, but helping yourself!

— The most constructive method is the acquisition of such qualities as courage, courage, courage. What are these qualities based on? In my opinion, this is spiritual strength and devotion to some truly lofty idea.

Let's remember the Great Patriotic War. It’s impossible to even imagine what people went through! What cruel battles there were: the same blockade of Leningrad, Kursk, Stalingrad... This is incomprehensible to the mind. On the one hand, it is clear that they were also very scared. But patriotism and love for the Motherland strengthened their strength. At this moment, people showed miracles of courage and heroism. It turns out that a person has such a resource of courage and bravery that allows him to be the first to attack.

Many films have been made on this topic, and indeed, it often happens that a person initially did not have a fighting character at all, a not so physically hardened organism... But if he was driven by some lofty idea, a great goal, or he wanted to avenge his murdered relatives , such a person gained additional strength. The war showed that when a person is burning in spirit, when he wants to carry out just retribution, his spiritual power can overcome the fear of death, which is common to all people.

Not long ago I read the diaries of Father John Krestyankin. He was a man who saw very poorly and wore thick lenses. When the NKVD officers caught him on a false denunciation, his glasses broke on the very first day. He was left in the state of an almost blind man. Moreover, he was a deeply religious and praying man, who had no idea how to physically stand up for himself. He was probably very scared in these conditions of Stalin’s camps, in conditions of complete uncertainty and unpredictability. He describes one incident from his life: they, repressed, were driven to a place of detention. And there was a moment on the way when it was necessary to cross a river. It was necessary to walk along a narrow log from one bank to the other; Otherwise, the person fell into the abyss and was broken. Father John Krestyankin writes in his memoirs: “I remember that I prayed for a long time that the Lord would help me overcome the obstacle, but I don’t remember at all how I actually walked along a narrow log without glasses. This is a miracle and the mercy of God. I came to my senses already on the other side. No one could help me because it was very narrow there. How I got through, only God knows.”

When a person really trusts in the mercy of God in extreme, critical situations, then there are some amazing strengths and opportunities to overcome something that is impossible to even imagine.

Of course, everything depends on the spiritual maturity of the individual. Courage is a spiritual quality; it can be characteristic of both women and men. And women have such fates! What women have not gone through: they took in other people’s children, were scouts themselves, carried the wounded from the battlefield, and were captured... In general, it is impossible to imagine: how can a woman in such a situation not die from fear?! After all, any person could humiliate, insult, and physically destroy. But people still survived, somehow overcoming these incredible difficulties. There are completely inexplicable resources here, very high, holy experiences, thanks to which a person becomes a hero.

On the one hand, we are doomed to live in this world, which lies in evil. On the other hand, we can be immune to the evil of this world; and we can even influence this world, illuminate it with our faith, our presence. When a person is filled with an understanding of the height of his task, he can internally gather himself and stand to the last, enduring what seems generally impossible to endure.

Once I had a difficult period in my life. I remember I came to the priest and said: “Father, I have no strength, either mental or physical, I’m very depressed.” And there was fear then, and some kind of depression... My husband was very seriously ill at that time. The priest then told me: “Overcoming fear is like walking on water. As long as you see Christ, as long as you walk, trusting in Him, you will overcome everything. And as soon as you look at your feet, you begin to feel sorry for yourself, you see that you are walking on water, on some kind of unsteady surface, and you begin to drown!”

And looking back, you understand how everything was said correctly and on time. Because when a task arises with many unknowns, it is very important for a person to “see the forest for the trees.” Viktor Frankl, a famous psychologist and philosopher, created a whole direction of psychotherapeutic work, which he called “logotherapy,” therapy with meaning. He also visited the camps, found himself in those living conditions when he was mocked, humiliated, when he had to live with a feeling of constant fear of death... The only way to cope with all this is to acquire the understanding that all trials have their own meaning . In order for a person to overcome something within himself, to survive, for him to realize his destiny, he must have a real, meaningful, big goal.

After all, man is miraculously designed. On the one hand, he feels his frailty, fragility, some kind of weakness; and on the other hand, a person is great and strong: in his mind, spirit, and will. There is nothing stronger than this, it turns out. Strength of spirit and willpower makes a hero out of a weak person.

It is important to notice in time the cowardice in yourself that comes from pride, from the desire to protect yourself, to lay straws for yourself, to give up all worries - “I’d rather not do this, I’d better give up on this.” There is a literary character - teacher Belikov, from the story by A.P. Chekhov's "Man in a Case". You can make a “case” from your work, from your family, from your home. While he is in this “case”, it seems to him that he is strong. And if anything changes, he might die from fear.

Remember, Christ says: “Whoever wants to save his soul will destroy it, but whoever destroys it for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it.” This is a place in the Gospel that is not so easy to understand. If we try to protect and protect ourselves from all troubles on our own, if we try to lay straws for ourselves everywhere, then we are destroying our human soul, because in doing so we cannot fulfill our destiny. And, if a person, with the help of the Savior Christ, humbly accepts all life’s circumstances and sorrows, perceiving them as tests given by God, the person gains the salvation of his soul, he becomes a Christian and confirms his calling.

Human personality is not reducible to nature. Each person must decide on the questions: “Who are you?”, “What do you live for?”, “What goals do you set for yourself?” Depending on the answers a person gives to these questions, his personal resource and his entire subsequent life are determined: a person will be strong and courageous, or weak and cowardly. It's up to us to choose.

To get rid of anxiety: distance (online) course “Overcoming fears and anxieties”

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How to overcome anxiety and find peace of mind

Luckily, there are many ways to regain your calm and confidence. The following methods, which, according to psychologists, are the most effective, will help you quickly overcome feelings of anxiety. Follow the tips below and you will regain your peace of mind in no time.

1. How to calm down: breathe deeply

Psychologists recommend: if you feel anxious, breathe. Deep diaphragmatic breathing helps you relax and thereby reduce anxiety. The fact is that being in such an active state associated with the activity of the sympathetic nervous system, the body goes into a state of relaxation and calm. During deep breathing, the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system is activated.

Show me a deep breathing exercise to help you calm down.

Inhale slowly for four counts, filling your stomach first, then your chest. Also hold your breath for four counts, and then exhale slowly, trying to stretch the exhalation into four counts. Repeat several times. Such breathing immediately has a positive effect on the state of mind.

2. How to calm down: Recognize your anxiety and come to terms with it

Remember that anxiety is just a feeling, like any other that a person experiences. Once you realize this, it will be easier for you to come to terms with your anxiety and accept it as something natural and normal.

Of course, such acceptance does not mean that you have to resign yourself to a life where you will constantly be haunted by feelings of anxiety. On the contrary, you simply don’t need to focus on your anxiety as something extremely negative, something that needs to be fixed quickly. With this approach, any attempt to stop worrying will only make the anxiety worse.

Coming to terms with your feelings of anxiety means recognizing that you are currently experiencing anxiety and accepting reality as it is. Without psychological stress, without making futile attempts to calm down.

3. How to Calm Down: Recognize that your brain is playing tricks on you

Sometimes the brain deceives us, and everything seems worse to us than it really is. For example, a person who experiences a panic attack believes that he is dying of a heart attack.

Renowned psychiatrist Kelly Hyland recalls one such incident that occurred when she was a student and interning in one of the hospitals.

“An experienced psychiatrist approached a patient who had all the symptoms of a heart attack and told him in a calm voice that all this would pass, he would not die, and it was just his brain deceiving him. And in fact, the patient calmed down and everything went away. It turned out it wasn't a heart attack."

Dr. Hyland says he often uses this method with patients. What helps the patient stop feeling shame, guilt and nervous tension due to the fact that he cannot reduce anxiety. Thus, sometimes the brain plays games with us, making us believe that everything is worse than it really is.

4. How to calm down: control your thoughts

When a person experiences anxiety, thoughts become confused and inconsistent with reality. We imagine that something bad might happen, and the anxiety constantly increases. But very often the scenario we have imagined for the development of events is unlikely, and even unrealistic.

Imagine that you have to give a toast at your friend's wedding. The thought immediately flashes through my head: “ Oh no! So what do I say? This is a disaster!“But before you start worrying, think that in reality there will be no catastrophe. Even if you can’t confidently and beautifully make a toast, you don’t know most of the people at the wedding and will never meet again. And those who giggle at your speech will not remember it the next day.

Psychologists recommend asking yourself the following questions if you are tormented by feelings of anxiety about upcoming events:

Is my concern justified?
Could this actually happen?
If trouble happens, what exactly will depress me?
Can I survive this?
What can I do?
If something bad happens, how will it be my fault?
Is there any way I can prepare for a negative outcome?

Every time you feel anxious, start answering these questions. You will see that basically we worry in vain, and any situation, no matter what it may seem to us, can be survived and we can move on with peace.

5. How to calm down: visualization will help

Calming visualization is an effective way to combat anxiety. Basically, human emotions and thoughts are occupied with information. We think of something as bad or good, right or wrong. All this only exacerbates the feeling of anxiety. Try to think in positive ways. Visualize and you will feel how your mind calms down and your thoughts become clear.

Show a mental visualization exercise to calm yourself down.

Imagine that you are in a beautiful park, meadow or on the seashore. Try to look at the nature around you, see leaves floating on the water, or clouds in a clear blue sky. Let your emotions pass through you when you admire the beauty of the landscape, the thoughts and feelings that you experience at such a moment. Let them float quietly through your mind.

6. How to calm down: stop criticizing yourself

Another way to help overcome anxiety is to use special cards. On the card you write: “ I observe my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perception of the outside world in order to understand myself, and not to criticize" It is better to use several cards that you can put near the mirror, in the car, in the kitchen so that they are always before your eyes.

This method will definitely bring results. You psychologically set yourself up for a positive outlook by preventing anxious thoughts from taking over your mind.

7. How to calm down: start thinking positively

Anxiety is a state in which our head is filled with various negative thoughts, and we constantly engage in intense internal dialogue with ourselves. Try to control your thoughts. To cope with negative attitudes, start thinking positively.

Such positive statements help you relax, feel more confident, and of course reduce anxiety. Apply positive thinking whenever anxiety begins to control your thoughts. Train yourself to think positively under any circumstances, and soon the quality of your life will noticeably change for the better.

Show a positive thinking exercise to calm down

Come up with positive thoughts yourself to replace your worries and anxiety. For example, instead of fueling feelings of anxiety with different “ what if I don't succeed», « what if", encourage yourself: " Yes, I'm worried. But I can handle this. I am in complete control of my feelings and emotions. I'm calming down. I am calm and enjoy every minute of my life».

8. How to Calm Down: Live in the Present Moment

Typically, people experience anxiety about upcoming events, worrying that something bad might happen in the future. They do not notice at all that they actually live here and now, and do not pay attention to what is happening at the moment in their lives.

Listen to the advice of psychologists - stop, breathe deeply and focus all your attention on what is happening in your life at this very moment. Even if it's something serious and unpleasant, by focusing on the present moment, you can solve the problem faster and more effectively and reduce anxiety about the future.

9. How to calm down: continue doing your usual activities

Don't let worry and anxiety distract you from the things you would do if you felt better. There is nothing worse than putting aside your business and giving in to thoughts about how bad you feel. You need to continue living your normal life.

If you wanted to go to the cinema, or you urgently need to go to the dry cleaner, then just go. Don't change your plans by deciding to stay home and think about your life. This will make your anxiety even worse.

Psychologists advise sticking to the usual rhythm of life, or doing something interesting, something that brings pleasure and makes you distract yourself a little. Follow this advice and you will see how quickly you will get back to normal!

Constant worry and anxiety, as well as the associated nervous tension, negatively affect the quality of life. We worry more and more about the future, expect troubles and failures, although for the most part such expectations are not justified. We feel psychologically depressed, reproach ourselves for unreasonable anxiety, and thereby aggravate it even more. Follow these recommendations from psychologists who have repeatedly proven their effectiveness and have helped many people improve their lives!

When a person experiences unjustified, irrational fear, the right hemisphere of the brain is activated. Therefore, to restore mental balance, you should use the left hemisphere, which is responsible for logic and rationalism.

Rational therapy is the treatment of fear with persuasion through logic and reason. In the fight against fear, it is important to cool your emotions and turn on your reason.

The basic principles in overcoming fear come down to the following:

Stop worrying about fear. Don't increase your anxiety.

Identify the subject of fear and try to understand how absurd and unreasonable it is.

Try to identify the shortcomings in yourself that provoke fear and overcome them through self-education.

For example, touchiness and fear of looking stupid are the result of painful pride. Fear of illness is treated by the belief that, from a medical point of view, health indicators are normal and there is no reason to be afraid.

When a person is unable to accept logical arguments, the most productive methods are suggestion, self-hypnosis, autogenic training and neurolinguistic programming, when working together with a psychotherapist.

How to overcome fear? It is important to assess the chances that the worst will happen and understand that they are always negligible. For example, in plane crashes, according to statistics, 1 person per 1,000,000 transported by air fleet dies, which is only 0.0001%. This is significantly lower than the risk of dying from a heart attack or in a car accident. Therefore, when experiencing fear, it is important to analyze the magnitude of the risk.

1. Compare your fear with a stronger one.

Sometimes a person may feel like the whole world is against him. Material well-being, career and relationships with loved ones are at risk. It seems the situation is so hopeless and nothing can save it. How to overcome fear in this case? Don't exaggerate or dramatize your situation! Compare your situation with real tragedies, and you will understand that you are very lucky!

People who were able to survive truly terrible moments, being one step away from death, say that they no longer know how to worry about trifles and appreciate every day they live.

2. Imagine that everything you are afraid of has already happened.

In the most critical and dead-end situation, throw away fear and assess the current situation calmly. Imagine the worst that could happen. Now try to come to terms with this. Now you need to relax, throw away unnecessary tension and collect all the energy to try to improve the worst situation that you imagined.

By doing this, you stop wasting all your body’s reserves on unnecessary experiences and free up your mind for useful activities - finding ways out of this situation. Believe me, as soon as you calm down, a way out of the impasse will be found very quickly.

3. Load yourself up with work as much as possible.

The danger that awaits us is terrible only until the moment it is unknown. As soon as it becomes clear, all your strength goes into fighting it, and there is no time to worry.

How to overcome fear even in the most dangerous situation? Don't give yourself a minute of free time. When activity fills consciousness completely, it displaces fear. Intense activity is one of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety, worry and fear.

As D. Carnegie wrote: “A person suffering from anxiety must lose himself completely in his work. Otherwise he will dry up in despair. Roll up your sleeves and get to work. The blood will begin to circulate, the brain will become more active and very soon your vitality will increase, which will allow you to forget about anxiety. Keep busy. This is the cheapest medicine against fear – and the most effective!”

4. Remember: you are not alone in your fear.

It seems to every person who comes to a session with a psychologist that their problem is the most complex and unique. It seems to him that only he has problems with communication, sex life, insomnia, courage, while others have nothing of the kind.

In this case, group therapy is a very effective cure for fear. When people meet, get to know each other and discuss common problems together, the severity of the experience is significantly reduced.

5. Act as if the fear is no longer there.

Physiological and emotional reactions of a person are interconnected. Even if you don't feel the way you want at this moment, you can pretend, and this will gradually bring your inner feelings into line.

The best conscious way to become cheerful is to sit cheerfully and talk and act as if you are full of cheerfulness. To feel courageous, act as if you are inspired by courage. If you exert all your will, the attack of fear will be replaced by a surge of courage.

6. Live here and now.

This advice applies more to those who are worried about an uncertain future. As the English philosopher Thomas Carlyle said: “Our main task is not to look into the foggy future, but to act now, in the direction that is visible”.

Scaring yourself with a terrible future is one of the stupidest things to do, and yet many are happy to spend their time on it. The burden of the past and the burden of the future that a person takes upon himself turns out to be so heavy that it makes even the strongest stumble.

How to deal with fear of the future? The best thing is to live in the present, enjoy the present and hope for a better future. Even if it doesn’t turn out that way, in any case you won’t be able to blame yourself for ruining the present with your painful experiences.

Psychologists advise taking the “here and now” not just a minute and a second, but the current day. As Carnegie wrote: « Any of us can live with hope in the soul, tenderness and patience, with love for others until sunset ».

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We all, one way or another, experience fears in our lives. Everyone has their own fears, but this does not change the essence, because their nature is always the same. But still, what do people fear most? What is the nature of fear and is it possible to overcome it?

To answer these questions fully and exhaustively, you will probably have to write more than one three-volume book, because this topic is deep and extensive. But we will still make a small attempt to at least partially clarify these things. And it’s worth starting with the definition of fear as such.

What is fear?

Fear is an internal state of a person, which is caused by an expected or actually threatening disaster. considers fear as an emotional process with a negative connotation.

According to the theory of differential emotions by American psychologist Carroll Izard, fear is a basic emotion, in other words, it is innate - its physiological component, facial expressions and specific subjective experiences are determined genetically.

It is fear that prompts a person to avoid danger, adjust his behavior in a certain way and perform various actions that, in his opinion, can protect him.

Every person has his own fears: from the banal fear of insects or mice to the fear of poverty and death. There are even phobias - persistent irrational fears of something. In short, as many people there are as many fears. But there are fears that are common to many people, i.e. people are afraid of the same thing. Right now we will look at the ten most “popular” fears that take hold of people around the world.

Top 10 fears of people

Verminophobia

Verminophobia is the fear of various microorganisms and bacteria. People suffering from such fear constantly wash their hands, clean their apartments and houses, and are afraid to touch “dirty” things so as not to catch some kind of infection.

People with verminophobia are almost always intellectuals and occupy good positions, for example, they are inventors, economists, lawyers.

Fear of bacteria can develop into obsessive-impulsive disorder, and make a person its slave for life.

Strange fears

The category of strange (and not so strange) fears includes the fear of airplanes, snakes, cockroaches, spiders, rats, mirrors, demons, monsters, psychotherapists, heels, a turned off TV, etc.

All these seemingly completely different fears have one thing in common - they affect people with a well-developed imagination, for example, models, health workers, artists, show business stars, etc. For people who think in terms of images and emotions, fear evokes the strongest sensations, which is why they can be afraid of completely simple things.

Fear of poisoning

Fear of poisoning (fear of being poisoned) is considered an independent fear and is practically not associated with any other fears. About 5% of the world's population suffers from this fear, and, as a rule, these are people with. In addition, the fear of poisoning in most cases is unconscious.

Fear of being a coward

The fear of being a coward is specific to men with an exaggerated sense of responsibility for others. Often among them there are very strong and serious people, managers and entrepreneurs.

But such fear is not alien to the fair half of humanity. Girls and women who bear great responsibility are also sometimes afraid of appearing or being cowards.

However, it is this phobia that often helps people control themselves, remain strong and persistent.

Fear of intimacy

Contrary to the popular belief that only adolescents around the age of 16 suffer from fear of intimate contact, it is quite common in adult men and even women.

But what is more surprising is that people with increased libido, compared to others, suffer from fear of intimacy. The cause of a phobia may be a bad first experience, grievances from childhood, or suppressed emotions.

Fear of public speaking and open spaces

Social phobia is known to almost all people, because... From time to time, each of us is afraid to show our emotions or feelings in front of the public. And often this fear becomes obsessive and develops into a phobia. When worsened, the fear of public speaking can be complemented by a fear of open spaces.

People suffering from such fear have systematic and imaginative thinking. But the most interesting thing is that individuals also have open spaces.

Fear of madness

Another peculiar, but persistent and widespread fear. However, it is characteristic only of those people who think abstractly. In most cases, they are spiritually developing, religious individuals, as well as physicists and philosophers.

Fear of old age

Fear of old age is practically not found among young people, but occurs in men over 50 and women over 40. Women are afraid of losing their beauty and, as a result, their usual way of life, and men are afraid that they will not be able to realize themselves and leave heirs.

Fear of death

You might think that the fear of death is the most common, but this is not entirely true. The fear of death is associated with many other fears, and, by and large, is hidden behind each of them.

The fear of flying on an airplane, the fear of being poisoned, the fear of being bitten by a snake - all this comes from the fact that a person is afraid of dying. People least likely to fear death are those who are convinced that death is not the end, but a new beginning.

Fear of loneliness

And it is the fear of loneliness that occupies the leading position in the presented rating, because... it worries most people on the planet. If we look at ourselves, we can see that we constantly make sure that someone is with us, even if sometimes we really want to be alone with ourselves.

The basis of this fear is that a person strives for happiness. And given the fact that man is a social being, it is inherent in his nature that he can only find happiness by being among his own kind.

And this is where we can talk about whether there is any way to get rid of fear, to stop being afraid? We do not pretend to provide a panacea, but we can give some practical recommendations.

In any situation when you feel that you are being overcome by fear, you should under no circumstances give in to it or start panicking. You must learn to control your fears, and this is the most important thing in the fight against them.

The second thing to do is to try to analyze the situation: see its scale and seriousness, and also think about whether it is possible to find some kind of help.

The third is purely physiological: if you are afraid, start breathing deeply. First, take a deep breath, then exhale completely. Repeat this at least ten times. Such a move is to get involved in the situation, activate brain activity and calm the mind. After this, finding a way out of the situation will be much easier.

Fourth is talking to yourself. If you are afraid of something, turn to yourself, say your name, give yourself the command to calm down. Try to understand what is happening, who and what is around you, how you feel, etc. Along with calmness, both blood pressure and heartbeat will normalize, and panic will disappear.

If you can’t get rid of fear, use a trick - get angry at yourself, at what is happening to you, at the circumstances of the situation, at one of the people. Remember that anger will scare away your fear and neutralize it. And instead of fear, there will come a desire to act in order to change the situation and resolve the situation.

If you are overcome by any mental fears, drive them away. Always remember that you are human and fear is normal and that it is temporary. You are worthy of joy, happiness and prosperity - turn your gaze to them, and your fears will go away by themselves.

If anxiety becomes your obsession, it may be your intuition talking, trying to signal something. Think about what your fears are telling you and find the answer to this question. In many cases, fears are pointers to the right path.

And finally: do not forget that when a person overcomes fears, he discovers new opportunities for himself, becomes stronger, expands the boundaries of his personality, improves and moves forward, and also begins to see the world in new colors. Therefore, do not give in to your fears, take them as a new chance and an opportunity to become better. By overcoming your fears, you become a different person.

Go towards what you are afraid of!