This article was originally addressed to women who have experienced psychological pressure. Such a woman often has greatly reduced self-esteem. After many years of humiliation, a woman cannot calmly communicate with others. She feels stupid and ridiculous. Trying to explain to a woman that it only seems to her, or that everything is due to internal tension, is a waste of time. So I decided to put together the causes of clumsiness that I could find. Perhaps this article will be useful not only to those who have experienced abuse.

5 reasons for clumsiness.

I have to admit, there are people who find themselves in an awkward position more than others. This happens to them for one of the following reasons (or maybe several at once):

• Hidden unconscious benefit.

Sometimes being clumsy is good. Especially if you are a young lady. Immediately around, a sea of ​​the same young gentlemen is generated, ready to lend a hand. If you find yourself actually waiting for help from the world 24 hours a day, then it’s worth looking for hidden benefits with a psychologist.

• Real loss of coordination of movements.

There are people who, from childhood, do not get along well with their bodies - they knock over tables and chairs on the way, and accidentally drop cups. This also happens after sudden weight loss or, conversely, weight gain. Body practices help well here - dancing, for example. Even better than psychology.

• Internal protest.

Sometimes the word “NO” is so difficult to say that the tongue cannot move. And the body acts. In moments when the soul is filled with aggression, fear, or indignation, and they cannot find a way out, it is difficult to control your movements. Emotions can be directed both at oneself and at another person. That's where the awkwardness comes from.

• Somatic disorders.

Roughly speaking, diseases. Head injuries, problems with the musculoskeletal system, joints, etc. It is important not to forget about the body here. You can learn to be understanding of your own characteristics, but you need to take care of yourself.

• Absent-mindedness.

“There lived an absent-minded man from Basseynaya Street”... Considering that the hero of the poem had a real prototype, just such an absent-minded one, one can guess how difficult life was for this prototype. But, according to eyewitnesses, he did not suffer much about this, because he was a brilliant scientist and all this fuss with clumsiness was indifferent to him.

Ask yourself honestly – are any of these 5 points typical for you? It’s hard to ask yourself – ask someone you respect. Of course, not the aggressor. Of course, only a psychologist can answer you about hidden benefits, but a good friend can also assess the degree of your absent-mindedness.

How to deal with clumsiness?

Do you know what's surprising?

That most likely, you have none of the reasons listed above to consider yourself awkward or ridiculous. You are healthy and charming. Clumsy as much as the people around you.

Consequently, your occasional mistakes go unnoticed. Unless, of course, you yourself focus on them.

1. So, the first recipe is to stop criticizing yourself. Accept that you are who you are.
2. Perhaps clumsiness is your charm. Let clumsiness be your thing. Yes, this is not an option for the timid. But it can actually be beneficial to you. Let's say you can delegate the responsibility of washing dishes to someone in your household, because everyone knows that you will definitely break something.
3. Go ahead and take care of yourself. Dancing, fitness, martial arts - here you will not only cope with clumsiness, but also raise your self-esteem.
4. Master one of the strategies for behavior in an awkward situation. You may not stop being clumsy, but you will be able to respond to occasional mistakes with dignity.

If a person considers himself clumsy, then he should definitely work with a consultant psychologist working in a behavioral or behavioral direction. A psychologist will help correct behavioral reactions. Perhaps it's not a matter of clumsiness at all, but self-esteem. This means that it makes sense to look deeper into your soul. To see when self-criticism went off scale and you began, like a small child, to scold yourself for any mistake.

In any case, you have qualities that you can be proud of. What are these qualities? Kindness? Cheerful character? Devotion? Don't forget about them!

Stiffness or, conversely, excessive impetuosity of movements is familiar to any person. Their reason lies in the slight degree of nervousness that we experience when becoming the object of close attention: in an unfamiliar company, in a prim environment, among critical people.

But as soon as we overcome our excitement, our movements become smooth and, so to speak, adequate: we are no longer in danger of spilling coffee on our shirt or “missing the turn” while going around the boss’s desk.

However, there are men and women who, even in a friendly company or alone with themselves, remain a “walking disaster”: vases in their presence are knocked over, phones fall into a plate of soup, knives cut not the entrecote, but fingers, and chairs and armchairs strive to “trip ".

What lies at the root of this awkwardness among people?

Ridiculous, but so cute

Hosts and guests, friends and strangers gathered at the same table can react differently to the destructive actions of a catastrophic person: be annoyed that a valuable thing is broken, sincerely believe that nothing terrible happened - “it was broken fortunately”, participate in cleaning up the consequences. But everyone, without exception, focuses on the “culprit.” And indeed, some awkward people, consciously or unconsciously, seek precisely the attention of those present, switching the general interest to themselves.

Sometimes this behavior is reinforced in childhood, when busy parents react to a fall, a soiled T-shirt, ringing, or other loud sounds from a small child’s room, but ignore his progress (for example, in the ability to drink from a cup, feed himself).

What is the difference between “nice” disaster people?
Distinctive signs of a disaster person who seeks the attention of others: he is the first to laugh at his awkwardness, looking back at people and as if inviting them to join; makes cute faces; sometimes he intensifies the consequences of what he has done (for example, he dips his finger in spilled juice and draws a face on the table).

Loud and indignant clumsiness

Sometimes behind everyday and “bodily” clumsiness there is also an evil feeling hidden, aggression towards people in whose company the disaster person knocks over or breaks certain things. He may be outraged by the topic of the conversation, the manner of conducting the conversation, or the fact that he is not considered “one of the people” in this group and his remarks are ignored. In this case, awkward actions, again, consciously or unconsciously, are aimed at interrupting the conversation - loudly and indignantly (by ringing, crunching, splashing hot tea or coffee). By the way, lovers of aromatic beans may be interested in information about the wholesale sale of green coffee in Moscow.

Sometimes internal aggression is directed not against everyone, but against one of the company members. Accordingly, the external manifestation of anger, envy or resentment is also focused on this person: his glasses fly to the floor, an awkwardly placed chair falls with its full weight on his leg, and so on.

What is the difference between aggressive disaster people?
Distinctive signs of an aggressive disaster person: the consequences of his own clumsiness almost do not embarrass him, he is in no hurry to apologize, but seems to freeze in place (giving time to those around him to feel that they were wrong), and the expression on his face says: “I broke it, so what?” It also happens that an aggressive “elephant,” on the contrary, apologizes for an exaggerated length, as if enjoying the conversation about what he did.

Self-dissatisfaction is another reason for clumsiness

Aggression can be directed not only at other people, but also at oneself. People who are dissatisfied with themselves, reliving situations in which they (in their opinion) were stupid, ugly, pathetic, unfair, too critical, tend to subject themselves to punishment. Because of this, the knife in their hands tends to cut their fingers, boiling water pours onto their hand and not into the glass, greasy food flies onto their new trousers, a pot of favorite flowers crashes to the floor, and its fragments cut their palms. There are destructions on a larger scale, such as a broken car or damaged household appliances.

How to get rid of clumsiness

Obviously, awkward movements, “war” with objects and liquids are a consequence of internal problems. Only by getting rid of them, by getting rid of the complexes of “cute klutz”, “superfluous person”, “aggressive”, “self-eater”, can you say goodbye to the title of a disaster person. You can work on your complexes, incorrect attitudes, and other problems by yourself by paying close attention to your thoughts, anxieties, fears, listening to your emotions, energy and psychological stability, etc. (a lot of necessary information can be found on the Internet, including on the pages of this blog, in books, at special trainings and lectures), or with the help of a psychologist.

It would seem that all people have an equal chance of success, but not everyone is lucky. Some achieve everything they want, while others stagnate in one place all their lives, considering themselves losers. But few people think that the root of all the problems of a “loser” is not in circumstances or the intervention of higher powers, but only in himself. So an unenviable position is not a death sentence. You just need to start working on yourself, and changes will not keep you waiting.

1. Stop waiting for what you want to come to you on its own.

Of course, no one forbids you to believe in miracles, but if you really want to change something in your life, then start acting! Millions are not won in the lottery, and you do not get a high position simply because you consider yourself a very promising employee. In order to achieve something, first of all you have to work hard. No, not even like that - plowing. And only in this case, after some time, you will be able to reap the fruits of your efforts.

2. Stop making excuses.

“I don’t know how to do this”, “I don’t think I can do it” - this is a real anthem of the average loser. Eventually you may wake up and realize that you have already missed all the good opportunities in your life. When you have a chance to change your life, sweep away all doubts and grab it. No one will judge you for a mistake - all people make mistakes from time to time. Even if you fail to complete a task or complete a task at the highest level, you will gain invaluable experience that can help you succeed next time.

3. Stop setting big goals for yourself.

In general, it is better to break each global goal into many small ones. This will help you more accurately understand which direction to move in order to realize your requests. For example, “earn more” is a poor goal statement. In addition, several paths lead to its achievement: find a part-time job, get a promotion, open your own business, etc.

4. Stop being afraid of risk

Don't doubt yourself, don't hesitate to make decisions, don't be afraid of the consequences. Your motto: “Only forward!” Because this is the motto of the winners. Without risk, you will get stuck in one place and get bogged down in your unfulfilled dreams, like in a swamp. Feel free to change your job for a more prestigious one, your place of residence for a more comfortable one, your relationship for a deeper one.

5. Stop limiting yourself

A boring and monotonous life is the lot of losers. Try to constantly be on the move - communicate more, walk, don’t be afraid to meet new people, start a few hobbies, change your style and make rash decisions. Yes, it will be scary at first, but over time you will get used to it and you will even like it. Remember: monotony will drag you into a swamp called the “comfort zone”, and it will be very difficult to get out of it.

6. Stop being negative

Often, when we have an important business meeting or interview, or maybe a call from a major client, we begin to feel a sense of fear. “What if I do something wrong?”, “What if I get a refusal?” - such thoughts take over your brain and literally force you to remain in the wildest discomfort. As a result, everything goes awry: you cannot concentrate on doing important things, so you lose control over the situation and fail. All fears are only in your head - stop indulging them.

7. Stop surrounding yourself with losers.

We are talking about people who cannot achieve anything and are trying to prevent those around them from doing so. For what? They're just afraid of other people's success. If they are unhappy, then everyone around them should be the same. Therefore, they often criticize you, dissuade you from risky decisions, and repeat how important it is to be content with little.

If you want to achieve something, surround yourself with successful people from whom you can learn a lot.

8. Stop being lazy and wasting time

This does not mean that you are now prohibited from being lazy. Just try to do it at the designated time. Let you have a few hours a day to just reflect on the couch or watch new episodes of your favorite TV series. The rest of the time, occupy yourself with more important activities. Read more, communicate more, develop willpower and direct your energy to fight bad habits.