How to relieve nervous tension (emotional stiffness). Psychological tightness

Nervous tension, or as it is often called emotional constriction (stiffness), is one of the causes of human problems.

Many people are unable to get rid of this disease. They simply don’t know how to relax their minds, bodies, and relieve fatigue. Often this kind of tightness leads to stressful situations and nervous breakdowns, which negatively affects the state of the body as a whole.

Constriction in emotions leads to the following negative phenomena:

Increased load on the body and internal sensations of a person, which contributes to fatigue and the possibility of illness;

Disturbed process of uniform distribution of energy, its excessive waste;

Disturbances in the circulatory system;

Constant deterioration of the human psyche;

Shattered nervous system.

In order to learn how to relieve nervous tension on your own and without much effort, it is recommended that you pay careful attention to certain steps:

Identifying the causes of this discomfort.
Improving the process of getting rid of emotional constriction to a mechanized one, that is, learning to eradicate the problem at a subconscious level.

Types of emotional constriction (stiffness):

Emotional tightness (stiffness) is divided into two main types:

Active. The main feature of this variety is its presence in real time. In other words, this is the constriction that occurs to a person immediately during the onset of a problem. Its action is noted at a time when a person experiences feelings such as anger, anger, fear.
Constant. In another way, such stiffness is also called background. This is explained by its action, which manifests itself in a kind of background mode, when a person seems to be completely calm. These are problems that seem familiar and do not cause any unnecessary anxiety. This tension can be noticed by unpleasant sensations in the lumbar region.

It should be noted that it is necessary to relieve nervous tension both actively and constantly.

The main causes of emotional constriction (stiffness):

Fears at the subconscious level. It is necessary to learn to get rid of fear, and also to replace the cause of its occurrence with a state of peace and fearlessness.
The presence of negative emotions, as well as attempts to eliminate them, all this leads to constant tension and tightness of the body. Feelings that contribute to the emergence of these processes include pride, resentment, anger and anger.
Psychological limitations and desires that were not realized. They arise in the consciousness of a person and are expressed in peculiar prohibitions, which the latter came up with himself. For example, “I have no right to...”, “I will never do...”, etc. In other words, a person has a desire to do something, but cannot because of fictitious prohibitions that were formed in his head independently or by his parents in childhood.

Every favorable spiritual aspiration must be fulfilled. Otherwise, nervous tension appears, leading to negative consequences. A desire that has not been fulfilled makes the soul suffer, blocking all kinds of human joys and feelings of happiness.

In order to get rid of all fictitious prohibitions, you need to remove them from your subconscious. This is best done in writing. It is necessary to present arguments giving the right to cancel all restrictions.

Emotional background constriction, manifested as a habit. Most often, in order to get rid of any one habit, people have to acquire another, new, but positive one. In case of stiffness, a favorable option would be a state of calm and balance.

It should be mentioned that relaxation is achieved by minimizing the state of activity and alertness. For example, a person involved in sports will achieve peace only when he takes a break from physical activity.

Causes of tightness caused by an insufficient level of human karma. In this case, nervous tension acts as a kind of punishment. A Spiritual Healer will help you get rid of the illness caused by this reason.

How to relieve nervous tension? What you need to do for this:

To relieve tightness (stiffness), first of all, it is necessary to find and eliminate its cause.
Achieve the proper level of self-hypnosis.
Application of meditation methods. To do this, you first need to learn this technique. It is noted that such training contributes to the rapid formation of skills that will help make the process of stress relief more effective.
Exercises aimed at getting rid of emotional tensions (stiffness). It is recommended to learn how to remove tension from your thoughts, as well as direct energy to the desired part of the body. Detailed information about this point can be found in the books by D. Milman “The Journey of Socrates” and “The Path of the Peaceful Warrior.”
Personal contact with a Spiritual Healer is considered the most effective way to relieve emotional stress. It will help you find the exact cause of the discomfort and develop an effective set of ways to eliminate it.

In addition to the above methods of getting rid of stiffness, there are traditional methods:

Physical activity:

Various types of running and martial arts;

Exercises in the gym;

Swimming;

Fitness programs and yoga;

Special breathing exercises;

Dance moves.

It should be noted that in order to relieve particularly strong levels of nervous tension, it is necessary to perform physical exercises with the most intense load, so that after completing them there is no strength left at all. People involved in sports will definitely understand what we are talking about.

Relaxing treatments:

Visiting a bathhouse, sauna;

Using a contrast shower;

Music therapy;

Making love with your loved one.

It is necessary to remember that these methods will help get rid of emotional constriction (stiffness) only for a short period of time. They do not remove the internal causes of the problem. In order to eradicate the disease forever, you need to constantly work on it. Resorting to measures such as drinking alcoholic beverages is not recommended at all.

Source

Fortunately, stiffness is not a universal problem, but it does not make it easier for people who have this deficiency.

They feel their imperfection very acutely, look for how to get rid of complexes, pay psychologists, attend trainings, buy books with recommendations on how to solve this problem.

Psychologists advise increasing your self-esteem, they call all these fears complexes; during trainings they promise to easily make you relaxed, but in fact they teach you to imitate this very relaxedness, because the reason for it is not in the head, or rather, not only in the head.

It is in the whole body, and no matter how much you try to change your attitude and perception, you will never come to a positive result, because the reason for your stiffness and constriction lies precisely in the stiffness and constriction of your body.

Your muscles are constrained, which is why you have such clumsy movements, awkward gestures, strange facial expressions. Your brain is constrained, which is why you have such untimely thinking: at the right moment you cannot express your thoughts clearly and clearly.

You don't seem to be stupid, but you look stupid. The kidneys are constrained, and when the kidneys do not work well, fear arises.

The reason for complexes and stiffness

A shy person is afraid of everything - making the wrong impression, appearing ugly, being the center of attention, and much more.

The cause of stiffness should be sought at the basis of the basics - acid-base balance.

The human body is a battery that operates from the interaction of acid and alkali.

This is the same Yin and Yang that everyone has heard about, but still perceives as something exotic, unreal, and these are just designations of two types of energies, the interaction of which underlies life.

Yin is centrifugal, expanding, passive energy.

Yang - compressive, centripetal, concentrating.

These energies have many more properties, but we need to consider two of them: compression and relaxation.

Yin and Yang are never equal, one of them prevails always and everywhere, in any phenomenon they create opposite qualities.

In women, Yin energy predominates - relaxation, but often, especially in young girls, an excess of Yang energy appears somewhere.

This excess gives men masculinity, toughness, and determination.

But a girl doesn’t need masculinity and firmness. So it turns out that the girl suffers from stiffness.

But we also have to take into account the general obsession with losing weight. Everyone is starving and on diets, but such nutrition, or rather, non-nutrition, further enhances the yang, compressive properties.

Naturally, fats are completely ignored, and in this case the kidneys become loose, destroyed, kidney failure occurs, and unhealthy kidneys cause a state of fear.

And when this condition drags on for a long time, girls’ hormonal background begins to change - the production of male hormones increases, as a result - excess hair growth, not where it is needed, acne on the face, on the back, and in general the skin becomes rougher.

The feminine roundness disappears on the figure and lines characteristic of the male body appear.

In such matters, where can you be confident, sexy, know your worth, etc., if you just can’t afford to wear an open dress?

How to get rid of stiffness in the body

So where do you start to rebuild yourself? How to get rid of complexes and become relaxed?

We must remember that the ancients noticed that food can be poison and medicine.

If we have established that the cause of stiffness is an excess of yang, compressive energy, then apparently it must be balanced by another energy - yin, relaxing.

A simple example: a small amount of alcohol, which has alkaline properties and neutralizes Yang acid, helps to relax in a stressful environment.

But we won't use alcohol; there are plenty of great, healthy foods that will help us balance our unbalanced state.

And, perhaps, for this it would be best to turn to macrobiotics.

No one knows better than you how you ate before this time. Perhaps your meal consisted of extremely yin foods or extremely yang foods.

It is impossible to remember everything you ate, and it is not particularly necessary.

All products can be divided into three groups:

1. Foods with more Yin properties.

2. Products with balanced properties.

3. Products with properties more Yang.

Foods with More Yin Properties

We solve the problem of excess Yang - high acidity. This means that we need to give up acid-forming foods and make up our diet from alkali-forming foods.

To quickly achieve the relaxation effect, you need to give up meat (any kind), sausage, nicotine, eggs, fish, dairy products - cheese, sour cream, milk.

We leave balanced and moderately balanced foods in the diet, as well as those that are very Yin - tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, eggplant, bananas, pineapples, kiwi, citrus fruits, mango, grapes, watermelon, melon, spices, wine, vodka.

Products with balanced properties

Grain bread Zucchini Dill Cherry Cabbage Raspberry Plum Apples Gooseberries Pasta Currants Leeks Viburnum Cucumbers Pear Mustard Carrots Parsley Radish Celery Pumpkin Parsnips

The changes that will occur in you will inspire and support your desire to change.

Such nutrition in a short time will allow you to cleanse yourself of toxins, energy will begin to easily circulate in the body without interference and exchange with the energy of the outside world.

You also need to pay attention to magnesium. If calcium makes tissues rigid and hard, then magnesium, on the contrary, makes them elastic and soft.

This is what a constrained girl needs to feel sexy. By eating foods rich in magnesium, your body will become flexible and flexible. After this, you can start dancing and then the movements will become beautiful and graceful.

A lot of magnesium is found in hazelnuts, buckwheat, beans, peas, walnuts, and almonds.

Now you can take care of your kidneys. Along with balanced foods, your body also receives the necessary fats. You can supplement your diet with some healthy vegetable oil - olive, flaxseed, pumpkin.

Take a teaspoon in the morning and evening and your kidneys will begin to recover and your fears will go away.

You can use homeopathy, herbs, Urolesan and other pharmaceutical non-chemical drugs to restore the kidneys.

Do not drink large quantities of water, although now there are calls from everywhere to drink as much water as possible. If you eat a healthy, balanced diet, there is no need to overtax your kidneys.

According to Hippocrates and Avicenna, water cools the body and, in particular, the brain. If a person has a hot brain nature, then a lot of water will not harm him as much as a person with a cold brain nature.

To save itself from hypothermia, the brain blocks the kidneys and then bags under the eyes and swelling appear.

When you feel hungry, you need to eat; when you feel thirsty, you need to drink.

When you achieve the desired result - you feel more free, flexible, confident - continue to eat balanced foods, adding more Yin or more Yang.

If you feel lethargic, drowsy, weak, and your blood pressure drops, you are too alkalized. If you find it difficult to relax, your face shrinks into grimaces, you are irritable, your blood pressure rises, you fuss a lot - you are acidic.

By analyzing what you ate these days, you can determine what predominated in your diet - Yin or Yang.

And to finally reach a state of calm self-confidence, you can practice some type of yoga, for example, stretch yoga.

Hello. I am 27 years old. Having been brought up by an authoritarian father, as well as a mother who believed that “a woman’s job is small: cook soups and raise children” and bended to my father in everything, I grew up as a person with a bunch of complexes. I have problems accepting myself, I am pressed and constrained even with the people closest to me (to the point that I feel the world as if through glass). The man in whom I found my happiness and have been married for a year and a half loves me very much and understands me well, but my problems now significantly spoil not only my life, but also the relationships in our family. My husband is 21.
Femininity is very weakly expressed in me, it’s difficult for me to defend my opinion, I don’t know how to say “no”, I’m afraid of communicating with people, and in general I constantly behave as if I’m sculptured from stone or I’m at gunpoint (emotions are raging inside me, but I I don’t know how to reveal them - even to my dearly beloved husband). Basically, my husband has come to terms with all this, since I am almost unable to fix all this. But as a result, a problem has arisen that we can no longer turn a blind eye to, and which threatens to destroy our marriage.
The fact is that my husband never had much sexual attraction to me, and recently, when we settled down together and got used to it, everything got even worse. He rarely shows sexual interest in me, sex is rare, on my initiative and completely emotionless on his part. We talked about this topic, he said: “You are a good person, I love you, but I am very rarely attracted to you sexually - because I feel your tightness and lack of self-confidence, and this discourages me from any desire.” I understand him, but the problem in me is so vast that I don’t know how to approach it. I'm afraid of losing relationships and getting even more confused in myself.

Answers from psychologists

Hello. Svetlana

Your concern is very understandable. After all, no matter how “stony” a person may seem, emotions still rage inside, feelings, moods, and desires live. And I really want someone to find and help me free myself from this stone shell.

So that it turns out like in Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale "The Snow Queen", where the little girl Gerda managed to do this, who with her love and faith was able to melt the icy fragments of the terrible mirror and defeat the Snow Queen. And as a result of whose actions Kai became alive again - feeling, experiencing, understanding, warm and close.

You may have hoped that your spouse could be that person for you. But a fairy tale in which there are 2 characters does not mean that it will be the same in life. Rather, it seems to me, this is a hint of what and how a person can do, first of all, for himself.

And in reality, your expectations from your relationship with your spouse were not confirmed. one can even assume that the appearance of “stiffness, complexes, etc.” was reflected in your husband by some of his difficulties, which are also difficult for him to cope with. But which make his situation easier, giving him the opportunity not to show in the amount necessary for you (and I think for others) - tenderness, affection, attention, feelings...

Your feeling that it will be very difficult for you to cope with this on your own is understandable. After all, all the time your energy was spent both on the construction of this shell and on maintaining life inside it. And you are very good at doing this. But how to redirect your energy, strength, and so that it does not harm you, but helps you develop - this is something that can and should be learned, but for which you need someone else. In childhood, these are the parents. Then - a partner, a loved one... But such a person can also be a psychotherapist who can safely and reliably, with sufficient speed, help you explore, free yourself from the cocoon and form new ways of both protection and relationships - to yourself and others.

How will this affect your current relationship? It's hard to say. And here you have to choose - what do you want - to maintain relationships in which you suffer and do not develop, or to cope with those problems that give rise to complexes and restrictions and build relationships that would please and develop? Including with my husband.

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Modesty is a quality of character. A modest person maintains moderation in his demands, does not strive for luxury and does not try to excel, and also maintains the limits of decency in society, most often laconic. Modesty is acquired by a person in childhood or adolescence in the process of proper upbringing by adults, receiving a high level of education, being well-read and communicating with like-minded people.

It is impossible to re-educate or change a modest person. He can adapt to his environment and be more or less proactive in his communication and actions, but at the same time remains true to his ideals and avoids everything that goes beyond etiquette and other moral values.

At different times, modest people were valued for their flexible nature, ability to value friendship and, most often, their mentality. It is believed that they make excellent doctors, teachers, law enforcement officers and other professionals performing socially important work. The priorities of such people are aimed at helping others; bribery, deception and provocations are alien to them.

Constriction - what is it?

Tightness is no longer a trait of character, but of human behavior. Often it manifests itself in modest people and in this case makes this quality negative. Stressed people most often avoid being in society for long periods of time and experience problems with communication. It is difficult for them to start a conversation first, to find the right words. Such people are usually inactive and lack initiative.

A person can become depressed after receiving some kind of psychological trauma, for example, if he was attacked by parents and peers in childhood or often witnessed similar behavior towards other people. According to experts in the field of psychiatry, tightness must be eradicated on your own or seek help from professionals.

If a person for a long time refrains from showing emotions, taking initiative, communicating with other people and especially the opposite sex, he begins to experience frequent depression and acquires an unstable psyche against this background. People who are repressed hide their true thoughts from others, and one day they can “spill out”, which often leads to the commission of serious acts and crimes against other people.

Many people often wonder how to overcome self-doubt. If you can say one of these words to yourself: shyness, reticence, self-consciousness, lack of self-confidence, and besides, you constantly think about what people will think of you and you often worry when you are among people, then your diagnosis is called the word social phobia.

Every 10th person in the world experiences a high degree of social phobia. This means that such a person feels completely calm only at home. Outside the house, he constantly experiences a feeling of excitement. Social phobes constantly live with the feeling that in some way the people around them may not like them, that people will reject them. Of course, all these thoughts are irrational. This problem is hardly talked about anywhere. Many shy and introverted people don’t even know what’s really happening to them. This article will reveal all the mysteries and secrets, and most importantly tell you how to overcome shyness and withdrawal once and for all. It is mainly suitable for people with a strong degree of social phobia. Parents will learn why their child is shy and how to teach their child not to be shy. You can determine your level of social phobia in the test by following this link:.

Treatment for social phobia exists and it is complex. It appeared relatively recently. It was only in the mid-90s that effective treatments for social phobia were developed. It is also worth understanding that overcoming social phobia will most likely take more than one month, and overcoming a severe degree of social phobia can take more than a year. The process will be gradual. If you regularly perform some simple exercises developed by experienced psychologists and psychotherapists, then self-doubt and fear in social situations will disappear forever. The list of exercises will be presented in the second part of the article.

About why you are often worried and embarrassed.
A person gets worried when he sees some kind of danger. For a social phobe, the danger is that he thinks that people will not like him, that the people around him will reject him, that people will not be interested in him, that he will look stupid, that he will say something stupid. A social phobe is afraid of being judged by others, and he is also afraid that people will notice his excitement. Some automatic negative thoughts cause others, and this makes the anxiety even greater. It turns out to be such a vicious circle of social phobia. It is this that you need to start breaking apart somewhere and try to get rid of self-doubt.

As a rule, many people suffering from social phobia worry and experience discomfort in many social contacts associated with communication and being among people. There are also specific situations, for example, fear of speaking in front of an audience, fear of using a public toilet, fear of eating and drinking in the presence of people, fear of being on the street when people are looking at you, etc. All these situations have one thing in common - the fear of condemnation from the outside. What if I don’t like you? What if they think badly of me?

If you are reading this article, then most likely you notice something similar. Such mental disorders are explained by the fact that you have distorted beliefs, ways of thinking and seeing yourself in society. You look at yourself, at people, at the whole World and at your future in a distorted and too negative way. Your depression and lack of self-confidence stem from low self-esteem and a pessimistic way of thinking. And, low self-esteem most likely contributed to your parents or other people with whom you came into contact as a child. They criticized your personality too often. You shouldn’t blame anyone and you shouldn’t delve into your past either. It's pointless. The reasons for shyness are not at all important. What is more important is how to overcome shyness.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you get rid of social phobia. It is not so much what is happening around you that is important, but how you evaluate what is happening. It is your thoughts that underlie your emotional experiences, not the actions of other people. These thoughts are very poorly understood, and sometimes even completely denied. Try to become deeply aware of all your automatic negative thoughts that come to you and counter them with positive ones. After realizing your irrational thoughts, it is important to start acting differently, developing new and correct stereotypes of behavior. Not like before. This is the essence of the cognitive behavioral therapy method. Experienced psychotherapists can help you sort out your thoughts and free you from social anxiety.

Let's consider this example. The girl is worried about the redness of her cheeks. Oh, my cheeks often turn red, and probably everyone who sees my red cheeks will think that I’m a fool. Is this really true? Firstly, many people simply won’t notice it. Secondly, if someone notices, they won’t think badly. Thirdly, any guy will definitely like it if he communicates with a girl whose cheeks are red. After all, it was because of him that they turned red. He will be proud of himself. And, fourthly, the cheeks may not turn red at all, but the girl will simply think that her cheeks are red. As we can see, worries and fears about this are absolutely in vain. No one except the girl herself cares about her red cheeks. Therefore, such a girl needs to allow herself to blush. You just have to accept it. By accepting this, the redness may even go away for good. In a similar way, you can analyze any alarming situation in which you feel shy and constrained. By understanding yourself and your negative irrational thoughts, it will be easier for you to learn how to get rid of shyness.

You are what you believe you are! You can be anyone! If you believe that you are uninteresting, then you will be uninteresting. If you believe that you are interesting, then you will be interesting. If you think you are an insecure person, then you will be an insecure person. And, if you start thinking that you are confident, you will become confident. It actually works.

Please note that only a psychotherapist can prescribe pills and medications for social phobia. And they are usually prescribed only in very difficult situations.

And yet, let's learn some tips on how to overcome social phobia, tightness, stiffness and how to get rid of shyness forever. Here are some tips that work.

Do something that's a little scary
Start to notice all those moments when anxiety and automatic negative thoughts come

Stop remembering your negative past and your failures
Feign self-confidence
Practice slow speech
Let yourself worry
Stop comparing yourself to others and accept yourself for who you are.
Smile more often
Attend group training to improve self-confidence
Think good about yourself
Temporarily accept your shyness and anxiety
Let people think bad things about you
Radically change your place of residence

If the child is shy
This paragraph will be useful to all parents, as well as to all those who in one way or another come into contact with shy children. A child may be embarrassed at school to answer in class, communicate with classmates, or even just talk. A shy child has too low self-esteem. Shyness in children This is a serious reason for parents to think about their behavior! Why is the child shy? His parents are most likely to blame for this. Parents too often criticized the child’s personality and thereby lowered his self-esteem. What to do if the child is shy? It is better to contact a child psychologist with this question. As a rule, children can be easily and quickly cured of shyness. But first, stop criticizing the child’s personality. If he did something wrong, then you shouldn’t say “You’re bad.” It’s better to say in the spirit of “Your action is bad, but you are good.” Sometimes parents themselves do not notice such deadly phrases for a child as: Fool, idiot, klutz, etc. Even if you jokingly and lovingly said the word “fool,” then rest assured that you have caused enormous harm to the child’s mental health. Most likely, you, as parents, will also need a conversation with a child psychologist. If childhood shyness is severely neglected and the child has already become a teenager, then his complexes will become much stronger and more painful for him. Teenage shyness can easily develop into a severe degree of social phobia, in which the child will be afraid of all social contacts with people and will begin to sit at home around the clock.

Agoraphobia
Social phobia should not be confused with agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is a type of social anxiety usually accompanied by panic attacks. Agoraphobia is the fear of being in a certain place or situation from which it will be difficult to get out or get help if suddenly needed. Typically, agoraphobes are afraid of visiting large shopping malls, using public transportation, being stuck in a traffic jam on a bridge, standing in line, attending sporting events, and flying on airplanes. Symptoms may include difficulty breathing, chest pain and dizziness. A person with agoraphobia may think that they are going crazy or may even be dying. Panic attacks can come unexpectedly. Agoraphobia affects 5% of the world's population to varying degrees.

Attention! Just by reading this smart article, you will not get rid of social anxiety. To heal, you need to begin with great interest to regularly perform each of the 13 points (with the exception of the 13th, it can be completed once, having gone far away) listed above. You have read an incredibly valuable article on social phobia, the usefulness of which has no equal on the Internet! Your happy future is in your hands! No need to think about anything! The main thing is to act! Do all these 13 exercises and a happy future will definitely come to you!

In this clip, a girl with social anxiety sings a song about how when she is alone at home she feels incredibly at ease, but when she is in the presence of other people she feels very bad. This girl has social anxiety.

To the entry "Social phobia, shyness and isolation. How to get rid of social phobia, uncertainty and shyness?" 82 comments left.

All this is certainly interesting and can be effective. But in reality it is very difficult to do. I judge by myself. Personally, I generally do not tolerate contact with new people and new circumstances. What kind of relocation are we talking about?!

I also can’t agree with the first piece of advice. If I am afraid to speak publicly (even among family and friends), then I will avoid it in every possible way. And it certainly won’t be easier for me if I suddenly laugh. It's one thing if you really change and quite another if you step over yourself every time...

The girl sings in the video. It's even strange. If she really has social anxiety, then how did she even appear in the video?!

In any case, the article is useful. Thank you:)

To overcome social phobia you must experience some discomfort! There is no other way! There is no danger in communication (this is a phobia, after all), so you can safely look your imaginary fear in the eye, no matter what it is. Another thing is that the exercises should not be too complicated. You can make a list of 20 situations in which your social phobia manifests itself. The 1st place will be the most difficult and exciting. The last one will be one of the easiest, but a little exciting. Start gradually moving up your list from the bottom up. Allow yourself to be afraid. Be afraid, but do it! And the worse you communicate, the better! You can even deliberately stammer, be stupid, look stupid, ask stupid things. If you have already stepped over yourself, then praise yourself. You are doing great just because you are doing something that is scary! The biggest mistake you can make is to do nothing and wait for social anxiety to go away on its own (it won't)!

Hello. I am 13 years old. After the test for social phobia, the result was 66 points. The most important thing is that I stutter. When I start speaking in public, in front of a class, or anywhere else, I cannot say a single word normally. After this, I immediately begin to curse myself that it would be better if I were dumb. Thus, I began to avoid any kind of speaking in front of an audience. And, social phobia developed. When you walk down the street, you feel like everyone is looking at you. Trying to hide from people. And, it seems, you keep happy, optimistic thoughts in your head, but when it comes to action, you immediately begin to worry a lot. Suddenly, I’ll stutter again. What if I say something stupid? The same goes for appearance, walking in crowded places. I don't know how to get rid of this. Fear is constantly present in me. I told my parents, their answer: “This is all nonsense. Just get it out of your head." It’s easy to say... Now I’m working hard to avoid stuttering. Maybe then you will gain self-confidence...

The article is very useful, I will try it.

Hello. In general, there is nothing wrong with stuttering. People from the outside perceive this quite adequately. Feel free to allow yourself to stutter. And on the streets no one cares about you at all. All people's heads are filled with their own thoughts. Well, you are unlikely to say anything stupid, because judging by what you wrote at age 13, you are smarter than many of your peers. Thoughts are presented clearly. Everything is written without grammatical errors. There is also such a dependence: the more you think about how to say something stupid, the more you withdraw into yourself. Just allow yourself to say stupid things and then your confidence will increase. In general, everything is fine with you! Accept yourself as you are. Take a new motto for yourself: The worse, the better! No matter how strange it may sound, it really works.
- Hello! I’m 18 years old and I’m very shy when someone comes to visit us! I can’t eat at the table with relatives and friends! When I was at school I was also shy! When they ask me something unexpectedly, I’m very shy! It's like a shock for me! Even now I’m writing all this, my palms are sweaty, I’m blushing! I really want to get rid of embarrassment! I started feeling embarrassed when I was 14! give me some advice!
  - Hello) I'm Tanya and I'm also 18, the copy is the same garbage... in fact, it would be cool to make friends))) and sometimes it feels like I'm the only one - in the whole group - in the whole institute, damn it! to the whole world! my email: [email protected] write))) people! let's all get together in one group)))
    - Because of this problem, I have almost no friends, not a single girlfriend, and of course this makes me very upset.

Your parents are certainly wrong. You definitely need to pay attention to the mental state of your child, otherwise everything can go very far and then it will be very difficult to help your child.

Two friends who lived opposite each other had sons. After some time, one of the boys developed speech problems associated with stuttering. The boy's parents were upset, but his grandparents calmed them down, saying:

“The main thing is that the boy is healthy in body, and his stuttering is being treated.”

The boys grew up friends and, as happens in childhood, sometimes played pranks, for which their parents punished them. The father of a healthy child, in a fit of anger, at times blamed the stutterer, and said to his son:

- There's a black mark in the family! This stutterer is a bad influence on you. Be less friends with him.

The guy was telling his friend what his father was saying about him. And of course this greatly upset the boy. He saw and felt that others sometimes treated him negatively, with ridicule. And one day, choking with resentment and indignation, he asked his mother with tears in his eyes:

- Mom, why am I so flawed? Everyone says I'm stupid, my tongue gets stuck. And also that our family has its black sheep. And it's me who's the freak!

And my mother, stealthily wiping her tears, calmed him down and said:

- No, son. You are very, very smart! Your thoughts are so fast that your tongue simply cannot keep up with them. Therefore, do not pay attention to ridicule. Everyone who teases you is simply jealous of you, knowing that when you grow up, you will become the best of them, the richest and the most famous.

And my mother decided from the day when her son succeeded in something and made progress, to encourage him and say the phrase: “There is talent in the family.” Both father and grandparents supported this initiative. The guy believed the words of his family and this helped him resist the ridicule and hostility of others. Years passed, and he truly became the best among everyone in the area and the richest, just as his mother told him. And on his desk in his office there was a photograph of the whole family with the inscription “My talented family.”

I got 77 points on the test and it seems to me that this is not enough. In fact, it should be more because I am just a rag and a complete weakling. There was a time when I lived in complete depression for 10 years and now I am reaping the benefits. I have constant fears, I feel constantly guilty, bad thoughts come into my head\especially when the weather changes\, a complete lack of willpower and a complete reluctance to communicate with anyone. I live alone and only feel comfortable at home, but I want to live like all normal people. But it seems to me that I have not only social phobia, but also agoraphobia, all this is long lasting and serious. But I really liked your article and I’ll try to fight with myself. Often in the store, sellers blatantly deceive me, I see everything, but I can’t say, I don’t feel sorry for this little thing, but just for myself it's insulting and embarrassing. And instead of putting the seller in his place, I start nagging myself. But it’s all to blame for my nerves, I just don’t have them. And the article is very good. Thank you.

Hello! I probably have an advanced and severe case! The test revealed very severe social phobia! The article is certainly useful, but only for those who have a mild or moderate problem! For example, I’m terribly afraid to speak in front of any audience, I’m very nervous in a group of people I know and don’t know, with the exception of my parents, and people I’ve known for a long time, even on a march. taxi finds excitement if people look at me! In short, I am very worried, shy, afraid when I am in the center of attention, and blush at the same time!!! This phobia does not allow me to live calmly and normally ((The corresponding lack of self-confidence, depression, loneliness from the lack of friends, and all this misfortune has been tormenting me for as long as I can remember (((So one article cannot do it. So what should I do? I’m already thinking about applying see a doctor

Almost everything is the same for me, with the exception that I probably don’t worry in public places and I don’t have any good friends either; at work, as a rule, the team doesn’t accept me, which really gnaws at me.

Ekaterina, this method will help you cope with any degree of shyness. Some people need a little time and work for this, others more. Perhaps you are the latter. But the regular exercises described in this article simply work wonders!

I constantly blush... even my eyes turn red... once, while answering at the blackboard, this was back at school, the teacher attacked me with the words: are you feeling bad?! are you crying??? but I didn’t even intend to cry, and I didn’t feel bad, I just apparently blushed VERY cool... without even knowing it, by the way...(((

I read the article on the link from Julia. I won’t say that this is nonsense, but it’s unlikely that a person who is really shy, reserved, etc. will be able to do this. I wouldn’t go anywhere with a pacifier in my mouth (for example) even for money. Do something that's scary? Not a solution, it seems to me. Personally, for example, I can’t even easily buy underwear for myself. You always have to adjust yourself and force yourself, to step over yourself. And it doesn’t get any easier, even though I do it, which is scary. So... It’s really annoying... It’s annoying to be like this... And life goes by...

If these exercises are difficult, then you can come up with something easier. For example, stand at a famous monument in the city and ask people where this monument is located. You only need to do what is a little scary.

Hello! My name is Yaroslav. I am 16 years old. After the test for social phobia, I got 56 points. I’m embarrassed to go to the store, walk with a girl (I’m immediately speechless, and almost all the time I have nothing to say), I’m afraid to talk on the phone (before the call, I have a lot of thoughts about what to talk about, but as soon as the girl answers , I forget everything I wanted to say. Your site even helped me a little!

Try not to think in advance about what will happen, etc. And break yourself every time, do something that’s scary. this should go away with time. It's gone for me.

Same situation. I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything is passing, until I catch myself thinking that again I’m not like that, I’m not speaking like that, I’m not walking like that, like it’s a mistake of nature! It’s even difficult to understand the reason, it’s just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close yourself, hide. I understand that it’s stupid, but I can’t do anything (

I feel like a loner!

And I’m already 32 years old soon, and I’m scared to go out with my child, sit with other mothers, when I think that they will start criticizing me or the child, and I won’t be able to answer anything, it becomes so creepy, and if I answer, I’ll worry and think she looked like a brawler. Sometimes I still overcome myself and go out for a while, but I sit in fear and with thoughts that I look stupid or say something wrong. I take any criticism seriously, although I remain silent, but inside everything turns upside down and it seems to me that this is noticeable to everyone. Previously, I communicated normally, then I went to work and began to go out less and less, but now, in horror, I recognized this disease in myself - social phobia. Even with old friends I’m now scared to meet, I’m attacked by all the same thoughts - what if I look and say something wrong... Although at work I communicate with whomever I need without fear - with acquaintances and strangers (I’m a designer). I don’t know how to continue to live with this!

Hello, my name is Sasha, I’m 16, I have a strong problem communicating in groups of people and with girls. As soon as I find myself in the situations listed above, I begin to feel very shy and stupid. It’s impossible to say more than two words in a sentence, let alone normal communication.

What a great article!

One ill-wisher here slandered me when he left the team. Given that he is a well-motivated psychopath, eager for power, with developed cognitive and psychological skills, and inspiring fear, people were very susceptible to his influence. Now he's gone. Only his “shadow” remained. Including inside. You could say his shadow somewhere overlapped my own shadow. With your article, simple, understandable and concise but complete - life will be better) I had previously bought audio courses on getting rid of psychological glitches and other improvements... good(!) But this article of yours is (!) a fresh look (!) seriously promising life.

Hello, I have such a problem, I’m very shy to go on the board, I’m 15 years old, please help me, I’m already exhausted every time, I’m very shy and my friends say the same

Damn, I have a severe form of social anxiety. I can’t walk the streets, ride buses, or eat in front of people. I can’t talk to people at all—I stutter all the time. What to do? Help people. I’m only 18 years old, but I already have this diagnosis. And it all started at the age of 17

I cannot speak publicly at all, in front of audiences, etc.

Good day everyone! I have average social phobia (Unfortunately, it’s nice that there are a lot of people like this (In fact, I also thought that I was the only one - it’s very hard. I constantly think about my actions: who will think what, who will say what... So many things I want to in life, but this fear constrains me and does not allow me to move. For example, when they watch my actions, even my hands begin to shake. As a child, I lived in an orphanage, perhaps this is due to this. when it seems that your anxiety (fear) is visible, you start to worry even more. Guys, I understand you all, I think we need to unite and help each other. Admins, THANK YOU for the article) You are helping people)

I gradually began to become open (probably because everyone around me always supports me), every year, month I make some new progress, for example, right now I send any jock to hell, I am the main positive of the class :), but I haven’t met any girls yet it turns out ((I hope over time this stigma that ruined my teenage life will leave me behind:(

Here they say thank you for the article, and I would say thank you for the comments too. It turns out there are worse situations than mine. My level of social anxiety is 57.

The first thing that comes to mind when you think about what to do about this problem is “overcome fears.” But I thought, nooo, this is too scary for me, I need to look for some other methods. In other words, I tried to find a roundabout way. I found a lot of techniques on the Internet that I tried over the years, but which did not give any tangible results.

Now I understand that such things can only serve as auxiliary means, and overcoming fears as they grow is the most important thing to do.

81 points and this is severe social phobia(((By the way, this is the first time I’ve left a comment on an article on the Internet. I was always afraid to leave comments. It always seemed that my opinion was either not interesting to anyone, or having expressed my opinion about something (anywhere, and in life and on the Internet) I will look stupid or strange.

P.S. Thanks for the article and the test

I'm 28 years old and I'm afraid of people. Passing by the company, I constantly fear that I will somehow displease them and we will end up in a fight. Although I am of large build.

I don’t want to teach others here as a teacher, but I want to advise, since it was stressful for me, I understand how you feel, in short, here’s the advice itself, especially for guys, go sign up for training, not in the gym, but in boxing, combat sambo and the like, almost everything is there these problems will disappear for you, walk for a long time, there you will experience failure, many times and then you will not be afraid of failures or look awkward, you will be the center of attention during sparring, then this attention will no longer bother you, and you will become more confident in yourself , and there you will slowly begin to communicate, and then in everyday life you will generally feel calm. Confident people do not mean that he is never shy, there are moments in which confident people are also shy, so it is impossible to completely get rid of it. Please note that children who have been going to training since childhood almost never have such problems, they become confident in themselves, so after training you will become different. And if there is a confident person who inspires you, keep him in mind, imagine how he would act in this situation, and do the same. The main thing is not to be afraid and sign up the first time it will be uncomfortable, but it’s okay, don’t feel sorry for yourself, nothing will happen to you

I got 102 points on the test. This is probably close to the truth. I am 18 years old. I feel comfortable only when completely alone. While still at school, I realized that I was terribly afraid of public speaking, and over the past few years the fear has only intensified (although I often had to make reports in classes, competitions, etc.). When I am in the company of classmates, I feel very anxious. I can hardly restrain myself from running away in tears from the sales assistant in the store. Traveling on public transport, or even just walking along a crowded street, is real torture for me. Even at home I feel discomfort if someone close to me is in the same room with me.

I’ve been trying to get rid of social phobia for five years now, but to no avail—it seems to only be getting worse. Of the methods described in the article, I tried everything except moving - it is impossible due to objective reasons. The only thing that helps me at all is to immerse myself in my studies or my hobbies. I think that I won’t be able to get rid of social phobia, but I will be able to “forget” about it.

I have severe social phobia. I've lived with this for as long as I've known myself. Unbearable. There are especially periods of exacerbation, when it’s like a wave of one’s own fears. I am insecure, I am afraid of condemnation, of what they will think of me. Periods of unemployment drag on for six months to a year. Because looking for a job and calling through advertisements, and then getting used to the team is pure hell for me. At school, everyone bullied me, they laughed at my appearance, clothes, tightness, there was no one to stand up for me, at home my parents had no time for me, they drank, lack of money. I grew up all nervous and downtrodden. Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I’ve been shaking off this “shell”, but the changes are almost imperceptible, at heart I’m still the same notorious girl. They won’t believe whoever I tell. It became a little easier to find out that I’m not the only one who suffers like this, I’m afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers, and that almost every social phobe complains of stuttering, I can’t imagine how it got attached to me, it started when I grew up. Fighting with yourself is incredibly difficult, only the same “sufferer” will understand this; those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the severity of this illness. I wish all social phobes to be cured of this abomination! And I will try myself!

I’m 21, I passed the test, the score was 76 and I think that this is true, in some cases in life everything turns out well, but in others (almost always) everything is simply unbearable, I start nagging myself without leaving the house, disgusting thoughts creep in , stiffness, anger... For me it is especially difficult to get a job when, for example, you leave the old one... a new team and all that... There are arrogant and soulless people around, so what, should I become the same?.. well, me I try, I have to get used to it somehow. I'm a loner in life, I have practically no friends, at least I'm used to it... The consolation is that I'm far from the only one...

I took the test and the result even scared me... "54 (fear) + 48 (avoidance) = 102 You have very severe social phobia."

I don’t know what to do... The article is well written, but doing everything that is written there is too difficult...

Hello, I’m 16, I wanted to take a test for social phobia, but the link is broken... I’ve been suffering from shyness and withdrawal for a long time, although my parents say that this didn’t happen in childhood. Diagnoses are like everyone else’s - I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me, I start to worry when talking, and it often happens that my words are slurred, thereby making me look very stupid -__- And before, even walking down the street, I thought what people might think about me , my thoughts were carried further and further, and acquired a completely dark shade, my legs stopped obeying, and it seemed that I was about to stumble. Nowadays this happens sometimes, but less often...

I have social phobia, a high degree (I know without a test). From my observations, this ailment also has physical manifestations: muscle tension (especially when someone follows you), watery eyes (especially in situations when a person is walking towards you on a narrow bridge or along a corridor), I blush if “ blurted out something wrong,” sometimes my breath catches. Social phobia really interferes with life. I can’t simply ask in line (clinic, tax office, bank, etc.) “Who’s last?” I don’t congratulate my relatives on holidays - I’m afraid (of calls in particular). During a forced outing “in public,” it seems to me that everyone is making fun of me, everyone just looks at my gait and clothes. I understand that these are irrational thoughts, but I cannot cope with them. You'll have to go through this hell to heal. The article is good, quite specific, and not burdened with the monolith of psychological theory. I advise all social phobes (including myself) to start taking action, I understand - it’s difficult, but get over yourself! Get inspired by an idea! Remember, you are not the only one and are no worse than others :)

I read your article. I think I read the same thing a year ago) I passed the test with a score of 74, I have social phobia and I don’t know how to deal with it. Now the martyr and our mutual friends went to the club for their birthday, and I got dressed, put on my makeup, went out to the martyr and... we stood at the entrance for about 15 minutes, my knees started shaking and I didn’t go anywhere. This is fine? I’m very afraid to speak in front of the public, to answer at the institute (I’ve been struggling with this for the last six months) and finally I answer a little bit at a time, but still there is progress, I thought so. and today I couldn’t go to the club with my friends. I’m also very shy about those I’ve known for a long time, those I study with, etc. If I see a person 1 or 2 times, then I feel confident, I talk well, and the same with the working staff (waiters, salespeople, consultants ) strangers on the street. Help me!(((

I started having problems communicating with people at school, but I can’t remember what caused it. But when I was about 10 years old, I myself began to realize that my behavior at school was non-standard. I even tried to talk to my parents about this, but the fact is that my parents raised me the way their parents raised them. My parents believe that education means clothing, shoes, feeding, and sending to school! And what about moral, spiritual and social development and upbringing... and in general what psychology and communication with a child is - My parents don’t even know in spirit!!! And can you really imagine, in my life I don’t even remember my parents even once talking to me seriously or at least once supporting me in anything!? - NO! Even when I asked to be sent to a music club for playing the guitar, all I could hear from them was “you’ll go for a day and quit, why do you need it”! And even when I started getting bad grades from school, they didn’t try to somehow influence me and figure it out, I don’t remember exactly, but I think my parents went to a parent-teacher meeting once and that’s it! In general, many will say that improper upbringing is not the cause of Social Phobia. But I thought I was the only one crazy in this world! As a result, the years passed, I grew and along with me my unfulfillment and lack of self-confidence... And as a result, now I don’t know how to speak in public or communicate normally. Sometimes there are a lot of thoughts in my head, but I can’t put them together when communicating with a person (people), and I also can’t find and maintain a topic for conversation. Often I can’t say anything other than the banal stupid “UGU” and immediately anxiety arises, a trembling in my voice and self-criticism. Here it is in all its ugliness. Social phobia manifests itself in me! And more! I sing well, but as you can easily guess with my problem, not only can I not expose my skills to the public and criticism, I can’t even go to vocal courses to do this professionally (after all, a tutor is also an irritant for a social phobia) and naturally, I can’t practice vocals at home, because any audience, even my family, is scary for me. In general, there are many situations... I read your article and will definitely use your advice. Thank you!

and I’m very afraid of the new team, so I can’t get a job. call to the employer, the first thirty minutes in the new team seem like hell to me, I start to stutter, I don’t know what to say, ask, but I quickly get used to it, as soon as someone starts talking to me. I can’t understand why I develop social phobia as soon as it comes to work. Otherwise, everything seems to be not so scary, of course there are moments, but minor ones. Maybe someone can tell me why my knees only shake when I have to get a job? I have no education, but I’m not going to get a job as an accountant or lawyer. Maybe it's a complex after all?

I am 16 years old, social phobia usually manifests itself at school. I passed the test and was given 96 points. I changed my place, moved to another region in a small town, so small that if you do something bad, then the next day everyone will know about it. I have friends and a girlfriend, sometimes I go out for a walk, but often I just sit at home. At school I just hide in the classroom and can't go near anyone. I don't know what to do, what to do. I read your article today and will try.

If there are those here who have finally overcome their fears, please advise how, write here [email protected] will wait!

Hello)

I’m also a social phobe, as it turns out, but I don’t have anxiety.

in public, I don't stutter. I just can't go sometimes, and yet

more often it seems to me that my legs do not obey me, I immediately get the impression that everyone is looking at me and laughing.

If I go somewhere, I feel like all eyes are directed only at me, because of this I stumble, worry...

I’m very worried that all my thoughts will always be occupied only with my gait

I will try to go through all these points.

Hello, friends in misfortune.

I’m 17, from childhood I was very shy, repressed, I would say spineless (I couldn’t answer anyone’s request “no”, I couldn’t stand up for myself), completely unsure of myself for my age. Now the situation is no better. I often blush (this is my main problem). I began to avoid situations in which I know that I will blush, as soon as I try to do something like that, they tell me “stop blushing, that you blushed so much, etc.”, this confuses me even more. Sometimes I can stand calmly at the board and talk to someone I don’t know well, but this is rare. Walking past crowds of people is pure hell. Again I turn red, it even becomes difficult to breathe. although there are many friends/acquaintances. I communicate well with many people in class, mostly for some reason I have good relationships with boys. The most offensive thing, so to speak, is that everyone else is quite normal. They answer everyone calmly, DO NOT BLUSH! just a nightmare. I hope with the help of this article I will stop turning into a “tomato” from time to time. Feeling constantly in discomfort is terribly tired.

I am 16 years old. And I'm terribly afraid of people. Any contact causes me to panic, I begin to shake and my face turns red. When I walk down the street, I try to hide behind the backs of passers-by from people walking towards me. I study at the institute and they laugh at me very often. I have no friends. I tried to get rid of THIS, but it doesn’t help, the fact that I communicate with someone, I start shaking and I can’t put two words together. I don’t know what topics to talk about with people; topics like weather and sports seem stupid and uninteresting to me. I don’t know how to live with this anymore... help.

Thank you all, what a wonderful article and lively comments! I read and see myself. I’m 18 years old, I have severe social phobia, I have no friends, I feel comfortable only when alone, I’m shy around people, I’m afraid to pass by a crowd, eating in front of people is generally torture. Even in a self-service store, it takes a huge amount of inner determination for me to buy something. Your article really inspired me, I’ll try to apply all the rules and think about moving. Let God get rid of all this. I also want to wish good luck to all my friends in misfortune - guys, you are so dear to me in this regard, I understand you. With God!

Guys! Do you want a simple and proven way to get rid of social anxiety in one day? Literally the day before yesterday I wrote the previous comment, today - with God’s help and thanks to your advice, I got rid of my social phobia. The most important thing is to restructure your thoughts and decide on a new life. And the mood is this: “I don’t care what people think about me. I’m a cheerful, open, cheerful, relaxed person. I love all people, and people find it interesting and easy with me.” And don’t be afraid of anything - break the horns of your timidity every step, and life will sparkle with new colors. Thank God for everything, God bless the authors of the article!!! You helped me a LOT!!!

Thanks for the nice words! Believe me, I tried, but attitude alone is not enough, I am too skeptical. The procrastination technique helped me. I promised myself that I would worry, but not now and not here. The subconscious initially fell for this trick, the excitement receded, but then it still took its toll, and it became difficult for me to control it (I promised:). But for some it may be useful.
Regarding the comment below, I agree that perhaps erythrophobia is the root cause (“sister”) of social phobia, and not vice versa. On this score, I have my own assumption that dysmorphophobia - fear of one’s own imaginary or minor physical defects (or, more precisely, confidence in their presence) can become the cause (or at least a catalyst) of s-phobia. A person may be embarrassed by his nose, for example, and because of this avoid contact with other people so that they do not notice his “flaw”. Thus, persistent social fear is developed on the basis of dysmorphophobia (however, there are so many “grounds” for these).
It follows that s-phobia is a whole complex of fears, which means that treatment must be approached in a comprehensive manner. Here, self-esteem plays a role, and the presence/absence of certain “specific” phobias (the same as dysmorphophobia), and the personal qualities of a social phobia (we train willpower), and attitude. In a word, go for it, start moving towards your goal in small steps, I believe in you! I am already on the road to recovery.
p/s 98 points(

And this misfortune is redness from any little thing surrounding the subject, be it a train, a minibus, or a line in a store. One oncoming glance from any person, that’s it – the tomato is ripe. People see this immediately and sometimes smile, but a person is ready to fall into the ground at this moment. This man is 43 years old, that is, he is far from a child, and it is impossible to attribute this to youthful blush or adolescence. I see that children are writing here, allegedly with the same problem. I wouldn’t seriously consider this, since in children these problems often go away with age, and then, by the age of 20, they gain the impudence of a tank. Some people, at 43 years old, cannot even raise their eyes to look at someone, let alone stare at them and pretend not to be indignant, as modern youth do. To be honest, I envy this. I gave a lot to be the same tank.

As a rule, whoever has Erythrophobia, of course also has Social Phobia, it’s like Siamese twins. And I even think that if there were no Erythrophobia, then there would be no Social Phobia, because one thing leads to another - a person sees the source of excitement, blushes, and here it is social phobia, as if on a silver platter, a person cannot raise his eyes, they are simply hurt from despair , there is no question of saying or doing anything, because he will blush even more, since he sees that everyone is looking at him red, and here you have social phobia.

I think that in our country, young people understand something about all this, and it’s better not to disturb our specialists in writing prescriptions for Western pills, but it’s better to just take it yourself and go to a place where this problem has been heard for a long time. This problem is called Blushing syndrome.

The most interesting thing is that the overwhelming number of people around do not see this, and if they do, they do not attach any importance to it. Blush to your health! This is fine! The more afraid you are of blushing, the more you will blush.

Tell me how you cured blushing syndrome with all that it entails? Once upon a time I read about excision of the sympathetic trunk of the nervous system, but this is very dangerous, because you can become completely disabled, doctors don’t care...

Hello, I passed the test for 107-severe social phobia... It’s terribly difficult for me to communicate with people, I don’t leave the house at all, I’m afraid to go to the store! I can’t help thinking about how I will live when I grow up (I’m 16), how I will work and communicate? This is probably incurable...

Thank you for the text, I will try to do everything as it is written there, I hope for a good result.

Since early childhood I have been very sensitive, I never talked to anyone at school, I was on my own, it was very difficult, at the age of 13 I started communicating with classmates, a friend appeared, now I am not embarrassed to go out, sit in a cafe, perform, go out to board, I’m embarrassed by only one thing, communicating with company, I love company, but I don’t know what to say, I’m stupidly silent and that’s it, I immediately become withdrawn, I’m afraid to say anything, thinking I’ll say some bullshit and they’ll think I’m a fool, it’s hard for me to talk to anyone then make friends, but I'm trying. Sometimes I feel insecure, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to express my opinion...

I have 78 points, severe social phobia. I’m afraid to look people in the eye, because it’s terribly unpleasant for me when they look at me, I don’t have friends or communication skills, and because of this it will be difficult to find a job, because I won’t get along in a team. I’m trying to tune myself into a positive mood, but it doesn’t last long; sometimes it’s very difficult for me to even relax at home, the nerves in the frontal part and the back of my head are very tense. I don’t want to have a family, or children, or, in short, to die and not feel this pain...

I really liked the article! Everything is on point!! I'm 23, married. I fell in love with my husband at first sight, but I didn’t dare to approach him, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes until he noticed me by luck almost six months later, if we hadn’t met) (we worked in the same building on different floors) I withdraw very much into myself, It’s hard to communicate with strangers, I have friends, but it wasn’t very easy to get used to them either, it took me a long time to get used to it, from the beginning I seem shy to everyone, but once I get used to it, the soul of the company is like a fish in water))) it’s really a long road to get to this, I worry often, that is not interesting to friends or husband, I often think before I say something, so as not to talk too much, I like shopping, but going into boutiques is a little scary “sellers are such salesmen” they can look around))) because of my insecurity I am often irritable , going to a party, a cafe, going to the park with my husband, etc. leads to a certain degree of aggression, which is why I lash out at my husband, as a result of which arguments arise, in general, I’ll try to follow the advice of your article! In every comment you see yourself, we are walking down the street, we are shy, but it turns out that we are embarrassed by the same social phobes))) good luck to everyone and put more effort on yourself!!!

I'm 15 (boy)

Somehow I got over social anxiety on my own

but there was one last problem

I'm afraid to invite friends over

I moved to another country (it happened)

and made many friends. Even a lot

Am I afraid of my family (mother and brother) or something else?

They invite, I refuse (I’m not afraid, but I know that if I invite, then I need to invite them too)

By the way, I’m still afraid to go outside, but things are going great at school...

I'm waiting for help from a psychologist

Good afternoon There are so many literate social phobes who express their thoughts in an interesting way! I read the comments and think: that’s how many of us there are. Yes, social phobia is a very serious problem. One of the many unpleasant aspects (at least in my case, for sure) associated with social phobia is that the fears and experiences associated with them greatly affect my health. Because of this, there is limited communication, movement during periods of exacerbation, and isolation. Well, and, accordingly, depression, self-flagellation, tears, etc. "pleasures". And when you are isolated for a certain time, social phobia increases significantly. At the very least, it becomes difficult to force yourself to leave the house. Then you start forcing yourself. When forced to undergo life “training” every day, social phobia recedes a little. For example, often in the morning, when I thought about leaving the house, I had panic attacks, my whole body resisted terribly. I kept wondering how this unpredictable world would greet me. But it was still necessary to go. You just had to cross the threshold and go outside and it became a little easier. Step by step along the sidewalk - even easier. As we get closer to the place of work, there is excitement again. It’s scary in advance, what if problems arise, what if someone offends you... You come to the team, assess the situation - everything seems to be calm, you’ve relaxed a little, but internally you’re still on guard. You never know... Ready for defense just in case. And this internal wariness towards the outside world, mainly towards people, is, unfortunately, always present, changing, although the scale depends on how often you work on yourself. It happens that working on yourself helps, you begin to believe in yourself more. It happens that the same technique does not work at all, no matter how hard you try. Like peas hitting a wall. This leads to another depression. But then you seem to pull yourself together again and work again. It can be wildly difficult to pull yourself together, especially if you have to act through physical pain. But you still want to live (although, I admit, I was overcome by various thoughts, but I chose life), and therefore, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but you try to act.

But you need constant work on yourself. If this does not happen, everything returns to normal, unfortunately (but, perhaps, a certain threshold is needed, beyond which the condition stabilizes. Perhaps I have not overcome it yet). The same is true with physical activity, which is a serious help in the fight against social phobia. Only regular exercise brings relief, relieves tension, and evens out breathing. These are not necessarily long-term loads; 20 minutes a day of stretching, bending, push-ups, head rotations, etc. is enough for me. Knead everything where tensions and clamps are felt, carefully, of course. Oh, and also, I really liked the BBC movie “The Secret” (or “The Secret”). You can approach it differently, but there are some points that can be taken into account for social phobia and, in general, for life. And it really works. I checked it on myself.

I wish us all good luck in overcoming this challenge. After all, it’s a pity for the energy wasted on worries, when it could have been used to create our own lives!!!

The article is actually interesting and, as it turns out, also useful, reading it instills some self-confidence and you remember your positive qualities and on a subconscious level you begin to understand that you are not a bad person, but on the contrary, even better than some. GUYS, THIS IS WHAT I WILL ADVICE TO ALL OF YOU: DO MORE UNUSUAL ACTINGS, EVEN SOMEONE MAKES A LAUGH, IT’S NOT SCARY, ON THE CONTRARY, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY, BECAUSE YOU MANAGED TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. As for dating and communicating with other people, start communicating from afar, for example (hello, how are you, or start communicating on a topic that is well known to you), if a person is interested in you, you will immediately understand, because he will reciprocate. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS DO ALL THIS OFTEN, OVER TIME YOU WILL NOT NOTICE HOW SIMPLE AND EASY IT WILL BE FOR YOU TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE.

I have 96 points. What’s interesting is that in Moscow, social phobia practically disappears - no, of course, I don’t immediately become the life of the party and don’t strive to make new acquaintances (for me this is hell), but somehow it’s easier. I can go for a walk with my children alone (without a friend) and feel quite normal, I don’t run home at the first cries of my children, I calmly go to supermarkets, cinemas, exhibitions, and in general almost everywhere - except government places (officials still scare me) . But in our village where I live, I try not to go out at all! Or in the evening, when everyone is sleeping - but even then I’m afraid that people will notice me! And even at home I don’t feel calm: I have the feeling that everyone knows that I don’t go out much. And when I’m outside during the day, I have the feeling that everyone is evaluating me. And, the worst thing is, in half the cases it’s true - we have a military town, where people have nothing else to do except discuss their neighbors. I'm already scared of identifying normal people (not gossipers). I understand that I NEED to go outside, I have two small children who don’t go to kindergarten yet, but I can’t overcome myself! Sometimes I have the feeling that because of this village, my mild social phobia, which I previously fought quite successfully, has developed into paranoia. My husband just laughs at this, and this makes me feel even worse.

hello, can lenses somehow affect my phobia? because he himself is constrained + on top of all this, his eyes, it seems to me, become glassy.

I have moderate social phobia. It is very difficult to communicate with new people. Especially with guys. I’m 17 years old, and I haven’t been in a relationship yet, I’m sure that I can’t please anyone, so sometimes it’s very difficult for me to even look at a guy I like. Probably everything is laid down from childhood. I was never particularly praised or given compliments, over time I began to understand that there are many people who are better, more beautiful, smarter than me and I began to slowly withdraw into myself, this makes me much more comfortable. When I go out into the street, it always seems to me that everyone around me is looking at me disapprovingly; if I see people laughing, I certainly think that I am the reason for the laughter, etc. I don’t know how to deal with this problem, social phobia simply suppresses me, my aspirations for a happy and vibrant life. I want to walk quietly, have fun, make new friends, but instead I lose my best years behind the computer and sobbing into my pillow. I understand perfectly well that everything depends only on me, but I just can’t do this, I feel that there is an insurmountable wall between me and people, and I don’t know how to destroy it.

Veronica, I have the same problem, everything is the same, even our ages are the same, after reading this article, although I knew many methods before, I will work on myself, I hope that social phobia will pass, good luck to everyone who decided to fight with this problem))

I have 87 points - severe social phobia. And I think that all this is because I hardly go outside, but I have so many hobbies that I am interested in at home! What for do I need all these people and communication (it’s so ordinary and uninteresting). I don’t understand those people who need all this. I don't even want to try to change.

Hello Katherine! My name is Alexander and I also notice signs of social phobia in myself. Since childhood, I have been an uncommunicative and unsociable person; it is difficult for me to communicate and get along with people. Because I am an uncommunicative person who avoids people, I am subject to ridicule from my parents and relatives. My mother is a sociable person, so she doesn’t understand how you can stay at home all the time. She constantly tries to remake me as herself, thinking that it's just like two times two. But I really find it difficult to communicate with people and it’s unlikely that I will ever enjoy it at all. As for dad, he considers me empty, treats me as worthless. Everything that is in me does not suit him and repels him. He gets angry because I'm not tough like him, because I'm not rude like he is, because I'm quiet. For other relatives, I am an object for banter and jokes. They are all sociable people who see me as an eccentric and a moron. Because of this attitude towards people like me, we begin to bite ourselves for being uncommunicative and looking for communication. Tell me, how do you react if people ask you questions about communicating with other people?

What to do when there is no career or loved ones?

What to do when the meaning of life is lost? When you know you can't have children? When you know that no one really needs you. Even my own mother...

I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything is passing, until I catch myself thinking that I’m not like that, I’m not speaking like that, I’m not walking like that, like it’s a mistake of nature! It’s even difficult to understand the reason, it’s just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close yourself, hide. I understand that it’s stupid, but I can’t do anything. And so I sit at home and don’t stick a piece of my nose out the gate. I just want to die, that's all. I don't know what to do. Mom already hopelessly told me - DIE. And this is the most terrifying thing you can hear from your own and only mother.

I feel like a loner! In your closed space of a borderline mental state. How I want to become a little child again and fix everything. Educate yourself. Don't make so many mistakes. I wouldn’t imitate Elena I. all my subconscious life from the moment I walked with her. When I wanted to attract my mother’s attention and achieve her warmth, advice, kiss, hug. Explanations about the good and the bad! But no...nothing can be returned. Kill yourself and go to dad? But he is in Paradise because he died, and did not kill himself. What to do? Mommy save me!

Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I’ve been shaking off this “shell”, but the changes are almost imperceptible, at heart I’m still the same notorious girl. They won’t believe whoever I tell. It became a little easier to know that I’m not the only one who suffers like this, I’m afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers. Stuttering...how did it get attached to me? I can't imagine. This started when I grew up. Fighting with yourself is incredibly difficult, only the same “sufferer” will understand this; those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the severity of this illness. I wish all social phobes to be cured of this abomination! And I will try myself!

And the final stage of my letter lies in the most terrible thing...

My own mother doesn't care. Are you alive or lying in a ditch somewhere? For the weak, go with the flow. And changing the course of events in any way is very difficult. I'm so scared to commit suicide. But for as long as I can remember, I only think about death. Enough! I have nothing to live for. Even my own mother doesn’t care what happens to me. I’ve already been to a psychiatric clinic, after which I generally sit at home without crawling out. Because I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without crying. She looks at all this condition of mine and doesn’t do anything. Even when I simply ask her to buy something for me (for example, tablets for blood vessels - an important medicine for me, water, cigarettes) she says: herself. Well, I can’t even leave the gate now. And she’s like that with me... She just drinks and leaves me for a walk with her younger brother. There is only one answer to my protests against drunkenness: my money, I want it and I drink. If you don't like it, get out! My home - I do what I want. I would be glad to get away, but there’s nowhere else to go except to the next world. I'm sorry, but I can't suffer anymore. I am writing... These are all feelings. There is still fear in me now. After all, the mother abandoned her child. She completely refused to help. Now all that's really left to do is die.

Is there another way out???

Christina, there is a way out of your situation. We all have a Dad and a Mom who will NEVER leave us. This is the Lord God. Don’t be skeptical about this, forget all your prejudices about God and the Church that were instilled during the Soviet period. I am not imposing any dogmas on you. You have a mind, you have a heart - go to an Orthodox church and tell all your pain to God, and best of all - to the priest in confession - and after that you will judge. Try it, “don’t believe” your utopian thoughts - and you will get what you ask for. God is LOVE, not a Judge, He came to us, to sinners, to social phobes, to free us from this pain. God loves a person no matter what he is, unlike people, and even parents. There is a meaning in everything, God’s Providence, including our illnesses. Mental illness tells us about spiritual illness. “Lay out” your pain before God, ask Him for forgiveness for your sins before Him and before people - and you will feel better - this will “break” the vicious circle. Our enemy - the devil - loves it when people withdraw into themselves, then he can do what he wants with them. An honest confession will help you break out of your own, or rather, devilish thoughts - and the enemy will run away. This is not a fairy tale, this is the reality of our life. There is a devil, and only he wants our death, not us. There is a God who wants us to live with Him and live happily. You want to live normally and happily, but the devil doesn’t want to, so thoughts of suicide are not yours. Dare - and you will get what you ask for. Read the prayer “Our Father” from the heart, sincerely and... with God!

Reading all your comments, I see myself in almost all of them. All these experiences and thoughts are bad, I no longer know what to do. Self-doubt, fear of what others will think of me ruined many plans. I can’t communicate normally with people, I’m really afraid of them, I can’t run in the morning, I gave up because... I think that people care about me, I quit two jobs and now I’m looking again, but I put it off every day, before calling I think a lot and prepare for the call. This is so annoying. I often blush when there are a lot of people. I know and understand that I am screwing myself up, but I can’t do anything about it. In my family, everyone is not very sociable, but everything is very bad for me, I have no problems communicating with my relatives, with them I am who I am, but as soon as I go out into the street, this is no longer me. I've been told this many times. This is my second comment, so open, and indeed the second. Thank you for the article and THANK YOU SO MUCH for your comments, I even began to breathe better and more freely because I am not alone in my illness, forgive me for my selfishness

Hello. I'm 15 and almost what is described in this article is true about me. And I’m embarrassed now, of course, as before, but still because I’m fat, although now I almost have a tummy (I did exercises, and now my abs in general don’t get fat. But the most important thing is that I like there’s a girl in class, and I can’t talk to her, I’m embarrassed, of course I speak, but I don’t go out, unless it’s on business. Well, in general, I’m like this. On the one hand, thanks to this phobia, I became a nerd. And I’m especially knowledgeable about computers. Maybe I’ll find a job as a system administrator thanks to this phobia. But I’d still like to solve it.

My body entered a completely closed state and withdrawal from society. I am 43 years old. I have been staying at home since I graduated from school in 90. I’m not disabled, I’ve just been closed and withdrawn since childhood. No question, just stating a fact.

Friends! Let's fight all this! All the people around us are the same as us, don’t forget, so why are you afraid of them? Don't be afraid! If you say something stupid next to someone, it’s okay, take it as an approach to good communication skills, especially since you can achieve something only through ups and downs, don’t focus on it, believe me, this same person also makes mistakes, even often. It seems that someone is looking at you, start looking at him too, and then come up and ask, do you want to tell me something. Are you scared to talk to someone on the phone in front of someone? Oh, walk down the street and just talk on the phone (it might be switched off), come up with and say whatever pops into your head, and look at those walking, and you will notice that no one cares about your speeches, they are all busy and where They're in a hurry. Are you scared to answer at the blackboard in class? Take a photo of the teacher and tell the report in front of her at home, etc. The main thing is to look into the teacher’s eyes. Can't retell it? Start simply with a proposal. Try to express your thoughts in your own words. Then take on the paragraphs. And then in a few paragraphs. YOU WILL WORK OUT! Don't forget that everyone often experiences fear, and this is NORMAL.

Hello! I am 15 years old! The test showed that I do not suffer from social phobia (I have 52 points)! But I think that at least a little, I have this phobia! I'm not afraid to eat in public places or walk down the street, but I constantly think about “what if they think badly of me or I seem stupid”! I recently moved to another city! I met girls from my class, I can ask them something! But often when we go somewhere together, there is an awkward silence... I just don’t know what to talk about, what to say that’s funny and cheerful, and sometimes when they ask me about something, I just get tongue-tied and I don’t answer clearly! I don't want them to think that I'm silent, not sociable and shy, although I am...

I also often worry about my appearance, that I’m not as beautiful as my classmates, I’m not dressed like that, I don’t wear makeup like that, I don’t have the same hairstyle... and I don’t feel smart...

I read your article, of course I will try!

Answer me please!!!

I was cleaning out a lot of bookmarks today and came across this article. It was like I was shocked. Two years ago, like you, I also surfed the Internet in search of answers to pressing questions: social phobia, erythrophobia. The thing is that from childhood I was told: She is shy, she blushed, she is silent among us, etc. , by the age of 15 I was already a real social phobic. I avoided communication in any form, worked in the back rooms where there were no young people. I blushed always and everywhere, with or without reason, I was so fixated on it that when someone said: “You’re blushing,” I felt hot: my hands were sweating, my voice was trembling, and tachycardia began. You blushed - for me this was probably worse than death.

By the age of 25, the situation only worsened. I tried to act out fear, tried to answer: yes, I blushed, so what? Didn't work in my case. I blushed even more, and they answered me with pity: “No, nothing, and they changed the topic, because I was almost fainting)

Then this article, about 20 more articles, and then books. And so I begin to get involved in psychology. And so, gradually, very slowly, beliefs begin to change. Everything we think about ourselves is true! If you consider yourself a social phobe - ok! There is nothing fairer than giving a person what he believes in and what he expects...

I decided for myself, after reading several books - stop believing in the nonsense imposed on me! If we are what we think about ourselves, and we think about ourselves due to acquired attitudes, then by changing the attitude, the thought will change, and then reality.

And so I decide to get rid of attitudes that are not mine, by the way, they were imposed on me, and I no longer want to accept dogmas imposed by anyone. There are many ways to get rid of attitudes: slow - shifting beliefs, affirmation, success diary, fast - working with the subconscious, communicating with confident and successful people.

Everything that we “plant” in our subconscious ultimately grows and grows as long as we feed it. I decided not to feed various phobias anymore, I decided to destroy them!

I realized that my phobias live in me only thanks to my attention. Every evening I told myself: Yes, there was an attitude and I had reasons to accept it then, but I don’t need it anymore. I want to be free and I will be!

Since then, I have had bouts of uncertainty, to which I said: These are remnants of past thinking, and in my head I have the image of a “withered tree” that I will never water again in my life.

Now I enjoy life, as it turns out, I have a very good sense of humor, and in a huge company I am a leader. Many goals, plans, projects).

p.s. Previously, I experienced a terrible correspondence complex, since I was a bad student at school and I’m not good with punctuation (I apologize to those who find it annoying) But now it’s even somehow funny). This is not the end of the world and it is very important to convey the essence to people. Don’t invent yourself shortcomings, concentrate on your advantages, believe me, you have a lot of them))))

And lastly, your weakness, as it seems to you now, is your greatest strength. There is duality in the world, you are inflamed with what you are not. You are a great man! Look at those around you who are wasting their lives. They don't care what others think of them, even if they are dirty, clumsy. This only bothers strong personalities who, for certain reasons, feed the illusion and suffer greatly from this. Good luck everyone)

I passed the test and got 54 points...

You know, it's simply unbearable. I would do anything to sit in a room alone for days and listen to music, read books, mind my own business. People stress me out, I feel uncomfortable being around people and communicating. I didn't have social anxiety before.

Because of this anxiety and fear, I have no friends and it is difficult for me to communicate with anyone. the fact is that I try to make a good impression on people all the time, I am afraid of criticism, condemnation. I'm afraid of what they think of me. Although I understand that this fear is irrational and all this is an illusion produced by my consciousness. but it is impossible to cope with these thoughts on your own.

I’ve never been to a psychologist before, but I’m planning to go soon. I hope that I will finally get rid of this terrible condition...