In what cases can a nanny of the stronger sex be suitable for a child? Opinions of parents and a recruitment service specialist.
In the modern world, it is generally accepted that women should babysit children. However, if you look back centuries, you can see that once upon a time raising the younger generation was not considered a purely female occupation. Rich families in different countries willingly accepted a tutor into the family, who was involved in the development and education of the child. In Russia, in addition to tutors, there were so-called uncles, whose tasks included looking after the ward, protecting his life and health, and teaching him what the child could need in everyday life. In the family of Emperor Nicholas II, for example, children were looked after by men who were former sailors. In short, the idea of hiring a man as a nanny seems progressive, only if you don’t look too far back in history. A Russian proverb says: “He who has an uncle has a whole child.”
In the labor market, men who are looking for a nanny job, despite our progressive age, still face misunderstanding, surprise, and sometimes contempt. Parents who are looking for a nanny for their child may have a reasonable question: “Will a man be able to provide adequate care for the child?”
What functions are most often performed by male nannies and how much do their services cost? A specialist from an online service for finding nannies tells us Melanya Aydinyan.
Melania, how popular are male nannies now?
This is not to say that they are very popular. Employers have many stereotypes and doubts, yet we generally believe that working with children is a purely female matter. However, there are families who are ready to consider only a man for the position of nanny or tutor. In some cases, this is due to negative experiences and disappointment in female nannies, in others – to specific needs that a man can cope with better, for example, ensuring the safety of a child or the need to educate masculine behavior and thinking, etc.
While the demand for male nannies is not great, their services are more expensive. There is every reason to believe that in the future this professional field will undergo significant changes, since the male approach to education has its undeniable advantages and is absolutely necessary.
In what cases is a male nanny invited to work?
It is correct to invite a man for the development of an older child, when he is already independent and can take care of himself. Men are excellent tutors, especially when it comes to a boy child. Men are entrusted with the tasks of development, education and raising the child.
As a rule, men are not invited to work with children under three years of age. However, much depends on the functions that the assistant is expected to perform. If the task is simply to bring or take a child somewhere, then both a man and a woman can easily cope with this. If a child needs to be bathed, changed, cleaned the nursery, washed things and prepared special food, then it is preferable to entrust such tasks to a woman. At least, most employers adhere to this principle.
What is the main specialty of male nannies?
Three groups of workers with children can be distinguished. There are men who perform exclusively the functions of a tutor. They know development methods, they can be tutors in various subjects, they can teach the child to cope with educational tasks on his own, but they will not put him to bed, clean his room or feed him.
Other specialists are ready to combine both tasks: care, education and development of children. We did not come across men who would offer their candidacy solely as a child care assistant. As a rule, men are interested in the process of development and education, and some are also ready to perform some necessary care tasks. In any case, specific responsibilities are negotiated individually between the employer and employee.
There is also a third group: car nannies. Often, the functions of a car nanny include not only delivering the child to its destination, but also performing a security function. This is relevant if, for example, the family lives in an unfavorable area or there are objective fears for the life and safety of the child. Of course, in this case, parents prefer to hire a man who is ready to protect and protect the child.
What is the main advantage of a male nanny? What are parents guided by when they hire a male nanny for their child?
Parents' motives can be completely different. Basically, this is a desire to make up for the lack of masculinity in the life of a child raised primarily by his mother and grandmother.
The main advantage of a male nanny is the opportunity to show the child what a man and masculine behavior is, i.e. give the child a male upbringing. For example, if parents want their child to be more disciplined, persistent, and have a strong character. There is a possibility that it is a man who will be able to cultivate such qualities, or at least he will be able to do it better than a woman, who is traditionally expected to be gentle in her treatment. Therefore, male nannies are suitable for older children, not toddlers.
A male nanny should be an example for a boy. He can show how a man should behave in various situations. For example, how to respond to a bully offender in the yard? A woman will obviously do this differently than a male teacher. At the same time, a woman braiding a girl’s hair looks more harmonious than if her male colleague did the same. Here, of course, a lot depends on the views of the parents. However, the main principle is gender roles and the modes of behavior emanating from these roles, transmitted to children as desirable, in the opinion of parents.
How do men become nannies, and from what areas do they most often come?
From a wide variety of areas. The largest group is people with pedagogical education, who have always been interested in the topic of development of the younger generation. Such men are attracted by the opportunity to be a mentor and life teacher for their students. While still students at pedagogical universities, they work part-time as nannies and tutors, acquire recommendations and continue to build their careers in this field. Every year such a specialist becomes more experienced, and the price of his services on the market increases.
Another option is men over 50 years of age who, due to various circumstances, cannot engage in their previous work. It may have nothing to do with children and upbringing. However, they do a good job as a car nanny or can simply sit with the child for a couple of hours, feed him, etc., while the parents are away.
Do you have many male nannies to hire? What is the “demand” for them today?
At the moment, about 200 male nannies are looking for work in Moscow through our website Pomogatel.ru. This is less than 1% of all nannies registered on our website in the Moscow region. However, this small amount completely covers the demand.
How does the cost of services for a male nanny differ from that of a female nanny?
The services of male nannies are many times more expensive. This is often the reason why parents refuse help from the stronger sex.
Opinions of parents who hired male nannies for their children:
Evgenia, employer:
“The advertisement I placed did not indicate the gender of the candidate. And it just so happened that the experience of working with a woman driver turned out to be very unsuccessful. Therefore, when Roman Nikolaevich called, we agreed to meet. Gender doesn't matter to me. It was important for me to talk to the person, ask a few questions to make a first impression. And for me it is usually the most important. The interest with which Roman Nikolaevich listened about the children and the questions he asked spoke of him as an extremely kind, responsible and caring person.
I had an experience with a woman, and it turned out to be very unsuccessful. Constant delays and excuses did not guarantee peace of mind for the children. I had to break up.
I liked everything about the male nanny. I didn’t like (but it’s a joke) that because of my love for Roman Nikolaevich’s culinary exploits, I had to gain several kilos, since he cooks so deliciously that it’s very difficult to refuse.
I believe that a man can be trusted with a school-age child. I think that by the age of 6-7 years, children are already able to speak and convey information, no matter what. At the same time, you most likely have a telephone, which is also very important.
The most important thing when choosing a nanny is to suit each other. The views on important points must coincide. If you need to explain to a woman that after the pool she needs to wipe her ears and warm up the car, because... It's -23 outside, then it doesn't matter how good a driver she is. And at the same time, a man who plays chess, tells a story, and feeds him a delicious pie becomes practically a member of the family.”
Anastasia, employer:
“I decided to hire a male nanny because I have two boys, and there is almost no male communication, because... our dad works seven days a week until one in the morning. Gender was of paramount importance to me. I believe that fair severity is necessary in raising a boy, but it is difficult for a future man to accept it from a woman. A male nanny has more opportunities to become a friend for a boy and to find mutual understanding with him based on common interests. We liked the male nanny in absolutely everything. But it seems to me that such a worker is not suitable for children under 2 years old.
Our male nanny managed to become the first friend of my withdrawn son. The son was simply happy. They still communicate frequently on various issues.”
Olga, employer:
“We wanted a nanny to be able to take the children to classes. A man, in our opinion, is better suited for this role, so we were looking for a man. Male nannies have many advantages: an analytical mind, physical strength, endurance, and a sense of adventure. Considering that dads are usually busy at work, a male nanny can fill the “male” gap in raising children. I would recommend hiring male nannies for children over three years old.”
Mary Poppins, Freken Bock and even Nanny Prutkovskaya are no longer popular today. There is a real boom in the capital for the services of male tutors. “Mustachioed nannies” are hired for their sons by single mothers, insanely busy parents who have no time to raise their children, and show business stars who dream of turning their offspring into little geniuses. The demand for male nannies and the fees for their services are so great that more and more men are leaving their familiar office jobs and, armed with a ladle and Makarenko’s works, joining the orderly ranks of housekeepers and educators.
Men are more expensive than women
Who should I entrust with cleaning a huge apartment so as not to think about dirty dishes? Who should I leave my child with so as not to sacrifice my career? The demand for nannies and housekeepers is growing day by day. And this is not surprising. If it were not for one nuance: those applying to recruitment agencies want the nanny or housekeeper to be male. And demand, as we know, creates supply.
The phenomenon of men who replaced formal suits with housewife aprons split society into two camps.
The first claim that the rush for the services of male nannies is fueled exclusively by young ladies who do not want to take female nannies into their homes, fearing that an affair might arise between this same nanny and the handsome father of the family.
The latter say that male tutors are held in special esteem by single mothers. After all, for a single woman with a child, this is also a chance to improve her personal life. According to unofficial statistics, more than half of all male nannies have at least one or two office romances with their employer, that is, with the same mother who hired a tutor “exclusively” for her baby.
But be that as it may, recruitment agency specialists do not hide the fact that the services of a male nanny on the market today are valued much higher than those of women. If the candidate has successful experience communicating with children and an appropriate higher education, his earnings can be $1000-1500 per month or even more. A male teacher paid hourly costs an average of $15-20 per hour. For comparison: the same hour of work for a female nanny costs half as much - 7-10 American rubles.
Nanny without critical days
The list of typical “nanny” duties is the same for both sexes. The standard set includes: child care; walks, classes on speech development, mathematics, modeling, drawing, etc.; preparing food for the child; cleaning the children's room; washing and ironing children's clothes, as well as visiting clubs, sections, museums, exhibitions and theaters.
It seemed that a woman could cope with all of the above much more successfully, but those who hire male nannies have their own arguments. Marina and Anton, a married couple who hired a “mustachioed nanny” for their five-year-old son, claim:
A male tutor is much better than an ordinary nanny. Firstly, he is more responsible and less susceptible to mood swings. If you promise something, you can always count on it. He will never call and say: “I can’t come because I have a headache and generally have critical days, you know,” as often happened when a woman nanny worked for us. In addition, women are by nature more emotional and impulsive; even the most patient of them still sometimes lash out at their children. This doesn't happen to men...
My other interlocutor, Dmitry Danilov, is a former history teacher at a regular secondary school, now a successful nanny with seven years of experience, who completely agrees with Maria and Anton.
It is a monstrous misconception that raising a child is a woman’s prerogative! - he declares, burning with righteous anger. - If it were up to me, I wouldn’t let women get close to children. I fed her until she was one and a half years old - and that’s it. Then the men's work begins...
According to Dmitry's theory, women are worse than teachers, because they are too subjective, short-sighted and suitable only for serving the child - feeding, washing, petting. But they do not know how to develop a child’s personality, educate and shape him. However, Dmitry himself, seven years ago, changed the proud title of a school teacher to the modest role of a tutor, not at all because of the desire to “sow the reasonable, the good, the eternal,” but for more material reasons.
When I worked at school, my salary was 6 thousand rubles, now I earn three times more. At the same time, there are no teachers’ councils, social workloads, parent-teacher meetings or other red tape. And it’s much easier to find a common language with one or two students than with a class of twenty students...
Needed like air
Psychologists also voted in favor of nannies of the weaker sex, saying that sometimes it is a male nanny that a child needs like air. Especially in cases where the mother is raising the child alone. For a boy, a male teacher is a great authority in life, it is more interesting and exciting to be with him than with a woman, and the way of thinking is the same. A man will much more quickly instill in a boy “masculine” character traits, teach him not to be afraid of difficulties, and to stand up for himself. Moreover, children learn from the example of adults and always imitate their elders.
However, for a girl, the presence of an adult man in the role of a teacher is no less important: it is in childhood that the foundations are laid for how her relationships with the opposite sex will be built, what the ideal man will be for her in the future.
How to become a "mustachioed nanny"?
In principle, for a man to become a qualified nanny, not much is needed. Only a higher education is required (pedagogical education is desirable, but its absence is not so terrible), knowledge of traditional and modern methods of education (to more or less understand them, it is enough to read a couple of specialized books), competent speech and good appearance. The rest, as they say, will come in the process of work.
When ten years ago, a graduate of a medical college, Yuri V., told his girlfriend that instead of working as a nurse, he wanted to try his hand as a tutor, she laughed at him.
She said, firstly, you don’t have a special education and therefore no one will want to hire you, and secondly, it’s not a man’s business to wipe a child’s snot and cook porridge...
But Yuri still went to a recruitment agency and left an application there for the position of “nanny”. A week later he received a call and was invited to join the family of an 8-year-old boy suffering from asthma. He was the most ordinary child, he just sometimes had asthmatic attacks and his parents wanted a person with a medical education next to their boy.
I worked in this family for 8 years until my student graduated from school. All this time I also did not stand still.
First I had to complete a chef's course, because my parents were always away at work and I had to cook the child's lunches and dinners. Then I entered the correspondence course at the Pedagogical University. I began to intensively study foreign languages (for the summer, my parents sent me and my child to special sanatoriums for asthmatics in Italy, Greece, Bulgaria, by the way, they paid all expenses). But traveling abroad without knowing the language is problematic. Now I speak fluent English and a little Italian...
Costs of the profession
Now Yuri is considered one of the highest paid male nannies in Moscow. He works mainly with the children of very wealthy people, for whom it is important that the child not only be under someone’s supervision, but that not a single minute of the child’s time is wasted: Yuri teaches foreign languages to his students, instills in them the rules of etiquette, and teaches them the basics imageology. And this despite the fact that Yuri’s wards are very young - the oldest of them is only 9 years old.
The wealthier the parents, the more demands they have on their child,” explains Yuri. “That’s why it’s so important for a male nanny not only to be able to cook or iron, but also to be well-rounded, and this is his main difference from a female nanny, who is fixated on ensuring that the soup is rich and the pupil’s shirt is clean.” ..
However, despite his professional successes, Yuri never started his own family and even still does not have a permanent partner:
To be honest, I have never recovered from my youth complex: it is very difficult for me to admit to a girl that I work as a nanny or tutor. I don't know why. Maybe widespread stereotypes are to blame for everything, as if raising a child is a typically female prerogative. In my opinion, now it is much easier for a man to admit that he works as a hairdresser or cosmetologist than to openly declare: “Yes, my profession is to stay at home with the children.” But “staying at home with children” is not so simple. If this were not so, tutors would not be paid such considerable money in these days.
On average, a family pays about 40 thousand rubles per month for my educational services alone (that is, I just work with the child, my responsibilities do not include cooking, pick-ups from school and seeing off for classes).
Now multiply this amount by three (because I currently have three students) and you will see that my income is no less than that of any middle manager. That is, I cope well with the most important male function - making money. And yet, for some reason, I lie to every new acquaintance that I actually work as a family psychologist. I don't think it's just me. It’s just that our society is not yet ready to get rid of stupid stereotypes like “a woman’s place is in the kitchen,” and the only real man is the one who stood with a jackhammer for twelve hours straight...
Beware, pedophiles!
And yet, despite the wild popularity enjoyed by male tutors, parents who are potentially thinking about a “mustachioed nanny” should be concerned about one circumstance: where are the guarantees that a stranger entering the house will not turn out to be a person suffering from sexual deviations, in other words - a pedophile. Similar incidents are already known. True, not yet in Russia, but in the West, where the peak of fashion for male nannies occurred in the early nineties of the last century.
In such a situation, psychologists recommend closely monitoring the behavior of your child. How does a child behave when meeting with his teacher after he leaves? What exactly does he tell you in the evenings? What are the results of the time spent together (drawings, crafts, new skills...)? Knowing your children well, you can always “read” them like an open book, and if something is wrong, you can definitely guess about it by analyzing the child’s behavior. But in any case, psychologists reassure, in Russia there has not yet been any abuse of their charges by male nannies.
What should you agree on when hiring a “mustachioed nanny”?
- Salary. Will you pay daily, weekly or monthly? Do you hire a person for a fixed amount or will you accept an hourly form of payment? Is there a fee for additional hours?
- The responsibilities you assign to him. And don’t think that he won’t cope with the role of a housewife: a man is quite capable of doing the laundry and cooking well and efficiently, and even more so, working out and playing with your son or daughter. But remember that the “nanny”, who must wash the floor and prepare dinner, may have less time for the child.
- The nanny's work schedule and whether additional hours will be introduced. In accordance with the established work schedule (up to living in your home), determine the cost of the nanny’s working hour and the requirements for her. Separately discussed: work on weekends, trips to the country, on vacation, etc.
- Conveniences if the person looking after the child spends the night in your house, as well as rules for using the telephone, TV, kitchen, etc.
- It is also advisable to discuss everyday issues, such as, for example, the nanny’s meals, in order to avoid misunderstandings.
- It would be good to have it certified by a notary.
Moskovsky Komsomolets
Most people see a woman, this is how it happened historically. But can it help your children in all matters? And why are the services of a tutor (male nanny) becoming more and more in demand?
Tutor in the family
In fact, a man in the role of a nanny is not a new phenomenon. The term “tutor” itself came to Russia in the 19th century. from French. During this period, families with high social status paid great attention to the military training of their children.
The tutors in the family taught military affairs, horse riding, and developed “masculine” character traits and manners. Moreover, due to the realities of that time, preference was given to French educators.
In Europe, the traditions of male tutoring are still alive today. Many families give priority to a man when it is necessary to give a child an excellent education in the field of law, linguistics, sports, and diplomacy.
How a tutor prepares children
There are governors in our country too. Such specialists are increasingly in demand, as awareness has gradually come that there are areas of education in which a man is often more competent. In what cases is such an employee hired?
1. To form a “male” model of behavior. It is easier for a tutor to understand a boy’s psychology, to form the right attitude towards life and a woman; they know the specifics of behavior in a male circle.
2. Representatives of the stronger sex find it easier to work with “difficult” children due to less emotionality and susceptibility to manipulation.
3. To compensate for the absence of a man - in an incomplete family, he serves as a model of the role of a man for a child.
4. For the purpose of sports education. Among male workers, candidates for master of sports and teachers of sports disciplines are more common. They are hired as private teachers for future champions. You can also find a tutor with whom the child will learn billiards, golf, tennis, chess, sports tourism, etc.
5. To ensure the safety of the child. Many parents trust a man more as a representative of the stronger sex. With such a nanny you can go to school or abroad.
Governors can be brilliant linguists, musicians, and have extensive experience working in schools.
Responsibilities of a male nanny
But can a male nanny perform only educational functions? Can he be trusted with a small child? Yes, in addition to “male” competencies, he takes on all the other typical responsibilities.
- Child care.
- Organization of leisure and development.
- Walking and maintaining a daily routine.
- Studying and preparing homework.
- Instilling social and cultural norms.
- Catering and maintaining cleanliness (washing dishes and cleaning the nursery).
You can agree on additional functions with the employee individually.
Where to find a male nanny in Moscow
The domestic staff recruitment agency Helper Agent will help you find a tutor in the Moscow regions (Central Administrative District, North-Western Administrative District, Kurkino, etc.) and Khimki. We offer only reliable domestic staff and guarantee:
- Validity of candidates' resumes - all characteristics are checked by electronic security systems and a professional psychologist.
- Selection according to your requirements - each candidate undergoes a probationary period. Only after this you pay for our services.
- The average search time is 5 days (may be more or less, depending on the client’s requirements).
- Supervision of personnel until the expiration of the contract - we will select a replacement employee for free and resolve any operational issues.
- Suitability of candidates for the position. We hire tutors with higher pedagogical or psychological education. If desired, we will find personnel with additional competencies and certificates.
Decency, ability to work with children, knowledge of modern development programs and principles of education are the qualities of our employees. Many clients of our agency are ready to confirm this.
Tell us how you see a male teacher for your child, and we will start looking for him today!
- Sveta, 24 years old, I incredibly liked that her beloved was a “real man”, as if he had stepped out of a movie poster about heroes and cowboys. And this living embodiment of masculinity with a strong-willed chin caught a common runny nose. “He whined for me to put him to bed, make some broth and touch his forehead every two seconds and take his temperature. I didn’t know this side of him before.”
Do you think that if he is a brutal type, he doesn’t like being looked after? Any person, regardless of gender and age, sometimes wants to be coddled, and how can you blame someone for this?
Just don't go into mommy mode when you're pampering your significant other. There's nothing sexy about it. Remain a caring friend/lover. Small signs of attention have never bothered anyone, but don’t treat him like a helpless baby: it’s one thing to help him choose the right tie for a special occasion, and quite another to turn things around in such a way that he’ll forget how to dress without your help.
*The names of the characters have been changed.
He won't warn you in advance if your relationship is going downhill.
- Maryana, 27 years old, I didn’t know what to think when the guy with whom she had been together for five years left her just before the wedding. “I’ve just been enthusiastically completing preparations for the day I’ve dreamed about all my life - and here I am, curled up in a ball, sobbing my eyes out. To be honest, I still don't quite understand why he changed his mind so abruptly. He probably doubted it all the time, but I didn’t know anything about it.”
Perhaps he himself did not know. Men don't spend tons of man-hours thinking about the strength of your union. They just let the little things that irritate them pile up and pile up and pile up until the heap comes crashing down. All this time they may not say a word because they don’t want all these dramas with showdowns. One day their cup of patience is overflowing - and that’s it, they are ready to end it all in one fell swoop.
Therefore, a woman has to keep her finger on the pulse of relationships. This does not mean that you need to nervously push the guy against the wall and demand a frank conversation every time you think that something has gone wrong. But if you feel him pulling away from you, it's time to throw a touchstone.
Psychologists offer this version of the conversation: “Darling, I feel very good with you, but lately it seems to me that something is bothering you. What can I do for you? The calmer and lighter your tone is, the more openly your partner will be able to talk to you.
Here's another trick. Experts advise choosing a moment for a serious conversation when the interlocutor will not be forced to look at you (for example, it is better to walk next to you at this moment than to sit opposite each other at dinner). Then he will not feel driven into a corner, and the conversation will be calmer.
Is nanny a purely female profession? Have women finally won this field for themselves, pushing far aside the representatives of the stronger half of humanity? If you try to look into the history of the profession, then among the nannies in Moscow there were many men. Especially if it concerned older children. It was men who were hired for them, since men were considered more educated and strict. In order to raise a boy into a man, it was men who were chosen as nannies for the child at prices that were very high for that time. But for babies and very young children, they preferred to take women because of their sensitivity and softness, which is so necessary for a child at the beginning of his life. Over time, men were somehow imperceptibly pushed out of the profession by clever mothers, insightful ladies, jacks of all trades, irreplaceable helpers not only in caring for the baby, but also around the house. Everyone wanted to hire a female nanny, and gradually the image of a male nanny somehow disappeared from the parents’ minds. Today there is a tendency for men to gradually return to the field of education. However, it is still too early to talk about an equal position between female nannies in Moscow and male nannies for children in Moscow. Most parents still prefer female nannies in Moscow, while some still pay attention to the still isolated offers of their services from male child nannies, whose prices for services are quite affordable. But it is still too early to talk about the high popularity among the population of male nannies in Moscow. What's the problem? The problem of the weak growth in the popularity of male nannies in Moscow is two-sided. First of all, there are too many prejudices and fears on the part of employers. Parents see a man's nanny as a very strange object, who must certainly turn out to be a thief, a pedophile, and generally a robber. A man - a nanny for a child, the prices in Moscow for whose services are in some cases lower than female services of this kind, is not very attractive to overly cautious mothers. On the other hand, men themselves rarely agree to work as a nanny for a child under one year old or older, since they consider this profession not for men. So it turns out that the demand and supply for the services of a male nanny is still very low, and employers decide to hire a male nanny only for special reasons. What are the advantages of a male nanny? Usually, a man in Moscow is invited to a family by the parents of boys, who believe that the child needs a male upbringing. In addition, single mothers also often want to have a man - a nanny for the child, whose prices for services correspond to the average market indicators. This helps them compensate for the lack of a male model of behavior for the child. The purely gender-based advantages of a male nanny also include the security that a man provides to children. The man can do anything. Especially if there are several children in the family, then only a male nanny can be sufficiently strict with them, not allowing them to go beyond the limits. It is not scary to let children with a male nanny for a child up to a year and older go on walks and excursions. In addition, if there is a man in the house - a nanny for a child in Moscow, the housewives have no reason to be jealous of their betrothed towards the household staff. By the way, many women prefer to hire a male nanny for this very reason. In addition, a male nanny for a child at Moscow prices today is somewhat cheaper than a female nanny.
