Currently, the idea of ​​a joint nightly sleep of the mother (and sometimes both parents) with the child is very, very popular. Moreover, it is by no means pediatricians who actively promote it, who are extremely distrustful of the benefits co-sleeping. The main supporters of the presence of children in matrimonial beds are breastfeeding specialists and some psychologists ... So: is it good or bad for the health and psyche of the child to sleep at night with their parents?

Is Close Parenting the New Yoga?

Many (if not all!) fashion trends come into our society from outside. Even such a seemingly closed area of ​​life as parenting is also in last years has undergone a lot of changes under the influence of overseas "currents". Young mothers now carry their babies day and night on themselves (slings are incredibly popular these days), agree to breastfeed them “on the first whistle”, and also practice co-sleeping - this is when adults and their children sleep in the same bed at night. But is this joint dream really necessary and useful?

Specialists who deal with young children in one way or another - pediatricians, neonatologists, child psychologists, breastfeeding specialists and others - involuntarily divided into two camps: some actively support the idea of ​​​​sleeping with children, believing that such a lifestyle in infancy is beneficial baby. Others, on the contrary, were wary: how will this joint dream affect the psyche of a growing child? But isn’t it risky to keep a fragile, vulnerable body of a baby near you in a dream? Does a baby, whose intrauterine period of development has already successfully ended, really need constant tactile contact with his mother?

Having carefully and meticulously studied all the possible arguments “for” and “against” co-sleeping, we will voice the most reasonable and significant of them. Having picked up a worthy argument “with the opposite sign” for each, so that you yourself can evaluate the pros and cons of co-sleeping and make a decision - does your child sleep in a separate bed from birth or in yours?

Arguments for co-sleeping

The child has the opportunity to receive breast milk as much as he needs. The very idea of ​​on-demand feeding involves the constant closeness of a mother and her child, regardless of the time of day. That is why co-sleeping is, in fact, a natural continuation of this style.

BUT, many modern pediatricians do not support the very idea of ​​​​feeding on demand. Often there are situations directly related to the health of the baby, when food restrictions play a positive, one might even say partly curative, role. For example, infantile colic, some manifestations of diathesis, colds, or even simply - a very hot and stuffy climate. In most cases, in such circumstances, the pediatrician recommends temporarily reducing the amount of milk that the baby eats per day in order to allow the body to cope with the problem. And even if the baby's health is excellent, constant access to food can shake him.

For example, in this case, the baby needs water, not food. But, feeling thirsty and uncontrolled access to the breast, the child sometimes eats twice or three times more milk per day than he needs. Such overeating often leads to digestive problems, skin rashes, pain and anxiety.

A child who often stimulates his mother's breasts (including at night) contributes to the establishment of good, long-term lactation. It's true - the more often the baby is applied to the breast, the more milk his mother will have. And the longer lactation will last.

BUT, in order to stimulate the establishment of lactation, it is enough for the newborn to smack his mother's breast (even if it is still empty) for only the first few days after birth. But when the process of milk production is more or less adjusted, there is no longer any need for the child to literally “hang” on the chest all the time, day and night. Moreover, frequent breast stimulation, which provokes the mother's body to produce all more milk will eventually backfire.

Indeed, at night, a child who is at the side of his mother does not so much eat milk as simply smack his lips, then falling asleep, then waking up at the breast. It turns out that during the night milk is produced with interest, and very little is sucked out. What does it threaten?

Excess milk will begin to stagnate, and if the mother does not express regularly, it can lead to lactational mastitis. No wonder pediatricians around the world recommend feeding babies only once a night.

Spending night hours in the same bed with parents, the child gets a sense of security, protection and warmth. Before birth, he felt the constant bodily closeness of his mother, and after birth he needs her ...

BUT, this does not mean that close tactile contact is necessary for the baby during the whole night. Yes, it's true - if the baby (and especially the newborn) does not fall asleep well, then with the help of it you can quickly put to sleep. But at the same time, putting him in your bed at night is absolutely not necessary.

When the process of childbirth is completed, and the child begins his journey in this world already as an independent, separate person, the priorities change: the baby still needs the closeness of the mother, but now this closeness should be less “physical” in nature, but more intellectual and communicative - the child needs the care, support and warmth of his family, which he now increasingly receives from communication with his family.

And then, do not forget that the baby has not only night sleep(in which parents, in fairness, are in dire need of it!), but also daytime. Who prevents mom from just lying down in silence, hugging a sleeping baby, in the middle of the day?

Radiate love and joy, communicate with the child, and relax together with him during “quiet hours” - believe me, this is more than enough to give the baby a feeling of constant protection, care and comfort, but at the same time not putting him under your blanket every night.

Arguments against co-sleeping

Parents have the opportunity to get enough sleep and fully relax. How can you relax and fall asleep soundly when a tiny, fragile body is pressed against your side? Of course, it is absolutely impossible. And only by shifting the baby to a separate bed, the parent is able to take a comfortable position, forget and fall asleep.

BUT, it is undesirable in the first months of a child's life to sleep with the baby in different rooms. Even if you have a radio or video baby monitor, your presence is necessary - the child needs to be fed at least once a night (and only after 4-5 months of night feeding can already be stopped), correct his posture, check his well-being, etc. The best option in this case is the use of an attached baby crib, which leaves each family member untouched in his living space, but at the same time allows you to control the condition of the baby.

Parents have the opportunity to be with each other. The status of young parents does not cancel the status of a man and woman in love with each other. Which, of course, from time to time you want to enjoy each other's company in your own bed. Whereas the presence of children in it does not contribute to a full-fledged sexual relationship.

BUT, if you passionately desire both of them - both marital sex and joint sleep with children, a way out can be found in this situation: you will have to move the "testing ground" for passion and carnal pleasures from the bed (which from now on and for the next few years becomes exclusive sleeping place for the whole family) to some other place.

The child's body quickly learns to sleep peacefully and soundly all night. This fact is confirmed by child psychologists - children who initially sleep in their own bed are much faster and easier to wean from night feedings. In addition, these children usually go to bed faster at an older age, already after a year - they do not need to reread the entire Andersen before bed or sing 15 lullabies a night.

BUT, it is not hopeless. So far, not a single case has been recorded when a child with age has not learned to sleep separately from its parents. If you practice co-sleeping, you can console yourself with the thought that in any case, sooner (but most likely late) your child will learn to fall asleep calmly, quickly and soundly at some distance from you.

Children who initially sleep separately from their parents are much less likely to experience the so-called childhood nightmare syndrome in the future. And this is also a scientifically proven fact, which is confirmed by multiple studies. Children who from the first year of life sleep in their beds (and also in their rooms), at 2.5-3 years old do not suffer every night from intrusive thoughts like a bloodthirsty monster lurking under the bed. What can not be said about the children, who initially got used to falling asleep not alone, but under reliable protection parental bedroom - as a rule, such children aged 2-5 years are acutely experiencing a period of nightly fears and anxieties ...

BUT, the problem of nightmares in children does not present any difficulties for modern child psychologists - they are able to help children not be afraid of the onset of twilight.

How to sleep for parents and children: the best option

In order not to go to extremes, you can rely on an approximate scheme that will take into account both the interests of parents and the needs of children:

• 1 From birth to approximately 4-5 months the child can sleep directly next to his mother, but in his own separate side bed (or even in a cradle, stroller, etc., where he could comfortably lie down during sleep). First of all, this is convenient for the mother, who, for feeding, will only need to stretch out her hands, take the baby and attach it to her breast.
• 2 After 4-5 months the baby "moves" into the crib. She may well stand in the parent's bedroom, or be in the room next door - in this case, a radio or video baby monitor is needed. At the age of 4 months, the child can already gradually wean without night feedings. Quite the contrary: strong long sleep at this age, it is more beneficial for the health of the baby than waking up during the night and feeding. There are reliable studies showing that children who were completely denied night feedings as early as 4-5 months did not suffer from underweight at all.
• 3 By the year the baby is absolutely ready to "move" to a separate room - to the nursery. At the same time, we repeat: during the day, the mother (or both parents) can lie, doze, and just be in the same bed with the baby for as long as she wants. Only the night joint sleep of parents and children is subject to doubts and expediency - when the older generation really needs good rest.

Ultimately, the choice is yours!

As sane and loving parents, you should know that there is no unanimous opinion among specialists in raising and raising children around the world about the phenomenon of parent-child co-sleeping. Some believe that this trend is useful and pleasant for all its participants, while others argue with fervor that there are much more problems (both psychological and physical) in a family where co-sleeping is practiced. Among them: children in the future are afraid to be alone, they are not independent, they experience fear and phobias, often show selfish inclinations, etc.

Regardless of what opinions and trends exist in modern pediatrics, you are free to do as you see fit. But in any case, this choice should be determined by the desire of both parents, and not be a concession on the part of the parents in favor of the children.

If all family members are really comfortable, comfortable and happy to stay at night in their parents' bed, then sleep to your health with the whole crowd! But if at least one family member (for example, dad) experiences discomfort, stress, or just a banal desire to sleep separately from children, this fact should by no means be ignored.

Being a mom and dad is hard work: painstaking, exhausting and daily. The only time and space where parents have the opportunity to relax and recuperate is a night's sleep in their bed, in which only the two of them are present. If parents who voluntarily deprive themselves of this right - to proper rest and sleep - sacrifice themselves (supposedly for the sake of children), they are quite likely not acting wisely ...

Because children cannot grow up happy and calm in a family where at least one of the parents constantly lives with a feeling of discomfort. But if, we repeat, both parents sincerely experience true pleasure and delight because the child is constantly in their bed, then for this family, joint sleep with children is likely not only pleasant, but also useful.

Almost all modern pediatricians welcome co-sleeping with a child. The child needs constant contact with the mother. While still weak and vulnerable, the baby should feel protected.

He needs parental attention for proper neuropsychic development. However, moms have different opinions about sleeping with their newborn.

Co-sleeping: pros and cons

Most likely, the correct position is somewhere in the middle: sleeping with a child is useful, but only up to a certain age. Of course, co-sleeping should not run counter to the interests of other household members.

Arguments for"

1 Ease of feeding. The baby will have to be breastfed at night quite often. In the event that the child is in bed with his mother, night feedings will not interfere with anyone. In addition, co-sleeping significantly improves lactation. With a built-in feeding regimen with the correct interval (from 3 to 8 in the morning), the production of the hormone prolactin, which stimulates lactation, will be adjusted. Prolactin is also a natural contraceptive.

2 Healthy sleep mom. Many women say that they can feed their baby at night, being literally half asleep. Indeed, when mom goes to the crib, the sleep phase is interrupted. The body needs to go through a new cycle to achieve deep sleep.

And harmonious sleep is what mothers of infants need most of all.

Not getting enough sleep, a woman not only experiences discomfort all day, but also risks dropping the baby. By the way, it can also occur due to poor quality sleep.

3 The child is not cold. The natural warmth of the mother's body is also necessary for the baby from a physical point of view. When sleeping together, there is no need to wrap the child in a blanket, under which the baby can become too hot.

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4 The rhythm of breathing is formed. The baby listens to the rhythmic inhalations and exhalations of the mother and repeats them on a subconscious level. This interesting feature- nothing but the first breathing exercise child.

5 The baby cries less. A child can worry in a dream different reasons: suffer from colic, crumbs cold or wet. An excellent remedy for “stress relief” in such cases is mother’s breast. Being next to the baby, a woman can react faster than the rest of the family will have time to wake up from the baby's crying.

Arguments against"

1 There is a possibility of harm to the baby.

Babies are so fragile and delicate that it seems that any awkward movement can hurt them.

But nature itself comes to protect the baby. The mother's dream if she is not under the influence sleeping pills, incredibly sensitive. A woman wakes up from any movement of the baby. Therefore, it is simply impossible to crush a child in a dream.

2 non-sterile environment. Well-washed bed linen contains absolutely no germs that can harm the baby. The child does not need sterile conditions, because his immunity must develop and learn to deal with any irritants. Of course, if one of the parents is sick viral diseases Don't sleep next to your baby.

3 Difficulties in intimate life parents. Many families rightly believe that personal life and co-sleeping with a child are incompatible things. But the absence of lovemaking in the matrimonial bed while the baby is in it can hardly be called strong argument"against".

How to wean a child to sleep with mom?

For many children, the desire for independence is characteristic. Therefore, there are cases when the baby goes to his own crib. What to do if this does not happen?

The physiological need for co-sleeping with the mother disappears in the child by about 1 year. But if you wish, you can transfer the baby to your own crib from 2-3 months.

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The main rule in weaning from co-sleeping is the sequence of actions. Weaning from the parent's bed should not be stressful for the baby.

1. At first, the child can sleep in a separate bed only during the day. Make sure that he is not lonely: you can put a large soft toy nearby.
2. At night, the baby can be placed in a crib located close to the bed of adults. In this regard, models of cribs with removable sides are very convenient - this allows you to combine sleeping places. If the baby tries to move closer to the mother, it should be shifted back. When the child gets used to this distance, the side can be returned to its place.
3. Gradually the bed moves away. It is necessary to increase the distance from the sleeping place of adults very slowly. This method may take several months, but the result is usually positive.
4. To help your child fall asleep better, read your favorite fairy tales or poems at night. Be gentle with him: if the baby comes to you in the middle of the night, calmly transfer him to a separate bed. But in no case do not scold the baby.

Co-sleeping with a child is a real miracle. The main thing is to learn to feel the rhythm of sleep and control it. And sleeping with a baby will be the most pleasant experience for you.

The existence of mental connections between people is an indisputable fact, which is known to almost everyone. Stories about a person’s ability to feel that someone close is in trouble will not be news to anyone, and everyone knows about a special telepathic connection between the closest relatives. However, few people know that one of the most simple ways telepathic communication with another person - a joint dream with him.

Co-sleeping can be defined as the combination of a lucid dream with a mental connection to another sleeping person; some researchers of pair and group dreams consider them one of the types of out-of-body travel. Which of these two theories is closer to the truth is a question that, unfortunately, has not yet been answered. However, the practice of shared dreams after appropriate training is available to every person who has already learned to be aware of dreams and manage them.

It is best to practice joint dreams with your friends or relatives - in order for two people to meet in one dream, there must be some kind of waking connection between them. Because double sleep is an highest level lucid dreams ideas, it is necessary that at least one of those who decide to meet in a dream is perfectly able to control their dreams, and the second has at least minimal skills in dream awareness.

The most simple technique, with which two people can see a joint dream, is as follows:

1. Dreamers must first agree on a group dream and try to fall asleep at about the same time on the appointed night, and both people must tune in to a lucid dream.

2. A person who is better able to manage his dreams should take on the role of "leader" - to find his own dream partner in a dream and start communicating with him. To achieve this goal, you need to enter the state of a lucid dream and call the person with whom it was decided to have a common dream by name, while feeling the desire and intention to see him.

3. As a rule, after the “leader” felt the presence of his partner in a dream and saw him, the dream environment would be alien; there is a high probability of losing your sleep partner. Therefore, the "leader" must approach the follower and "wake up" him - take his hand and, thus, introduce him into a joint dream.

4. When two people are in a dream together, they can begin to communicate. People who practice group dreams claim that in most cases, the conversation takes place in the form of an exchange of thoughts and emotions; Questions and answers are not spoken aloud. The dreamers' trust in each other is prerequisite stay and communication common dream: in case one of the dream partners does not have enough trust, a feeling of fear will push him out of sleep and make him wake up.

Unlike lucid dreams, co-dreaming environments and scenery usually do not have of great importance; they are constantly changing, as they depend on the will of not one, but two people. An interesting nuance of joint dreams is the fact that in meetings in a dream there is only the present time (or there is no concept of time at all) - it often happens that one of the partners will see a joint dream on the night allotted for the practice of a common dream, and the second person on the next night or even a few days later.

People who successfully practice group dreams can eventually reach significant heights in this skill - they are able to make contact with almost any of their acquaintances in a dream, and in a few moments of communication in a dream, transmit or receive a large amount of information. Joint dreams are a little-studied ability of the human subconscious, however, such dreams open up a new level in interpersonal communication for dreamers.

Hello dear readers and subscribers. The author of the blog Irina Gavrilik is with you again and recently I had new topic for a conversation. The fact is that the other day I overheard a conversation between two young mothers. Just don't be so quick to scold me. I honestly do not suffer from excessive curiosity. It was just that it was at a bus stop, where two girls were discussing co-sleeping with a child so vigorously that I was far from the only one who became an unwitting witness to their conversation.

It turns out that one of them was soon preparing to become a mother, and the other was already raising two small children and advised the first, immediately after birth, to put the baby to sleep in a separate bed, explaining that it is much easier to sleep on her own and safer for the baby.

I will say right away that I do not support separate sleep, especially with a baby, and there are enough reasons for that. But I did not interfere in the conversation of the girls, but decided to write about it here - on the blog. Therefore, read the article to the end and you will find out:

• what worries the baby
• How co-sleeping helps prevent sudden infant death syndrome
• All the benefits of sleeping in the same bed as your baby
• how to organize sleep so that the whole family is rested and joyful
• until what age should you sleep together and how to properly wean a child to sleep next to his mother
• dispel the myths, fears and dangers that you heard from relatives and friends

And in conclusion, I will tell you how my husband and I, through trial and error, came to the conclusion that sleeping together with two children is not only correct, but also useful.

Every woman, already in interesting position, not least of all mentally imagines a corner of his baby: a beautiful crib, decorated with a light, almost weightless canopy. Soft mattress, warm blanket and lots of plush toys. Nice, isn't it? But does the little one need it?

Just think, you carried your baby under your heart for 9 months. He listened to his knock, sucked his fist, felt your mood and emotions, played with the umbilical cord, swallowed amniotic fluid - he knew that mom was always there.

And now it's time for childbirth. And after all childbirth have each women pass differently. Someone attended special courses and knows in advance how to behave correctly, how to breathe and follow the recommendations of an obstetrician. Someone screams and panics, and someone is being taken to a caesarean.

But what about the child? He is also hurt and scared. He comes to this new world for him, so strange, alien and unfamiliar. He does not understand where the warmth and coziness, comfort and tranquility have disappeared - where is mom.

In the understanding of the baby, he and mother are a single whole. The baby needs bodily contact, because the world for him consists of touches. It is important for him to know that you are always there, to hear a familiar voice, to feel your smell and taste. mother's milk. Then everything falls into place. The kid understands that he is not alone and is completely safe - he calms down, gradually gets used to it and gains confidence.

Why can't the baby wake up?

If you have ever listened to a sleeping baby, you probably noticed that his breathing is uneven - as if sometimes he forgets to breathe. Experts confirm that during sleep, infants are characterized by periods of short-term respiratory arrest and heart rhythm disturbances - apnea. As a result, the child may simply suffocate if he is not awakened in time.

Syndrome sudden death babies is not a disease and is not treated in any way. This is a diagnosis that is made when an absolutely healthy child dies in a dream, for absolutely no reason.

This phenomenon has not been properly studied, and it is not possible to explain it, but it is known that in children from birth, respiratory and cardiac - vascular system, although fully developed, but not adapted to the new conditions. In other words, during deep sleep children's body just does not know how to behave and can fail.

Most dangerous period from birth to 6 months. The fact is that the sleep of a baby is very different from the sleep of an adult. Adults, falling asleep, can immediately fall into deep dream until morning. While it is natural for children to fall asleep through the phase restless sleep, then for a couple of hours they plunge into deep sleep and then stay in the active or superficial sleep, often applied to the chest, tossing and turning.

But due to the severe stress that a baby is left alone in a separate bed with himself, the mechanism of awakening from sleep can be disrupted. As a result, the child often and for a long time goes into a deep sleep, from where it may not return without outside help.

It is enough to wake the baby with a simple touch and his organs and systems will start working again.

Parents whose children sleep in a separate bed or even a room often note that their child’s nighttime sleep is stronger and longer than the sleep of children sleeping next to their mother.

And now, if someone asks: "What's wrong with that?" - You know what to answer.

Back in 1992, a study was conducted. Perfectly healthy baby hooked up to the sensors and laid at night in a separate bed. Mom took him in her arms only for feeding, and then put him back again. For six hours of separate sleep, the sensors recorded 53 cases of respiratory failure and heart rhythm failures. The next night, the child slept with his mother - the sensors did not note a single anomaly.

To be sure, the experiment was repeated. They put the child in a separate bed for several hours, and the child spent the rest of the night's sleep next to his mother. And again, during the time spent apart from the mother, the equipment caught 28 failures. And during the joint sleep, the indicators were perfect - no failures were recorded.

How to explain it?

The human heart generates the strongest electromagnetic field in the body. The generated energy is felt within a radius of more than half a meter. Therefore, mother and baby feel the presence of each other. Them heartbeat synchronized, they move together from one level of sleep to another - from deep to superficial and back. So the child learns to breathe correctly, and the mother wakes up with the baby.

Sudden death syndrome is a problem of a civilized society and separate sleep. Because only a mother subconsciously knows what is best for her baby. She will hug and warm, hug and protect her child, but a separate, even the best crib, will not.

Benefits of co-sleeping

• Ability to sleep well. Why healthy sleep the child largely depends on the maternal presence, we figured it out. And what about the mother herself? After all, she also needs a good rest. But just imagine, you can get enough sleep if you have to get up 5-10 times a night, get the little one out of the cradle, feed and try to put it back down without waking him up? And so every night. How soon will such a rest lead to the fact that you begin to rush at others? And if the baby is sleeping nearby, just get it and give him a breast. You may not even wake up completely. Yes, and you don’t need to be afraid that you will fall asleep while feeding, and the baby will roll off your hands. And over time, you will gain confidence, pick up a comfortable one and be able to completely relax and unwind.
• The period of lactation is increasing. Have you noticed that during breastfeeding a woman often gets sleepy? This does not happen by chance. The point is that the length of the period breastfeeding depends on the level of a special hormone - prolactin. He is responsible for the production of breast milk and its content in the body grows while the mother sleeps - no matter day or night. And it drops sharply if you rarely feed at night or do not feed at all. Plus, frequent night sucking is an additional stimulation of the breast, which also increases the volume of milk. Therefore, the desire to lie down to sleep with the baby for at least an hour is not a sign of fatigue, but a natural need.
• Mental and physical development child. What you need for full growth little man? Naturally good nutrition, mental development and a strong nervous system. All this is able to provide a sufficient amount of "hind" milk, which begins to flow to the child only after prolonged continuous sucking. It is rich in fats, which contributes to weight gain, and high content polyunsaturated acids pledge full development brain and nervous system. But sometimes the baby’s daily activity is constantly distracted by something from feeding - there are so many new, bright and unknown things around. But on the other hand, during sleep, he more than makes up for lost time, sucking his chest for a long time. It is also known that the baby's brain is actively developing not only during the day, when he learns the world around, but also during sleep. And the physical closeness of the mother at night helps to relieve daytime stress, relax and calm down. Personally, I have noticed more than once that if a child had an emotionally saturated day, then nighttime feedings noticeably become more frequent.
• Frequent feedings, including at night, contribute to the fastest reduction uterus and recovery of the body after childbirth. They also protect against pregnancy, since a lactating woman, as a rule, does not have a period for at least six months.

Dispelling myths, fears and dangers

• Fear of crushing the child. This is ruled out for two reasons. Firstly, with the birth of a baby, the mother's sleep becomes incredibly sensitive and responsive to his condition. A woman is able to catch the slightest fuss of a baby, but at the same time, extraneous loud noise does not interfere with her at all. Secondly, all babies are snub-nosed from birth, due to which air access to the small nose will always be ensured, no matter how hard the mother presses the baby to her chest.
• Fear that the child will be registered in the parent's bed for a long time. Co-sleeping is a natural childhood need that, if satisfied, will go away on its own with age. After about three years of age, children who slept with their parents want to have their own corner and consider sleeping in their own bed a privilege of age. On the contrary, there are cases when children, whom parents taught to sleep separately from infancy, grew up and began to ask for their parents' bed.
• The child will deprive the parents of an intimate life. Some spouses are afraid to wake up their child, it is unusual for them that another man is lying in bed with them. But here everything depends only on you. You can remember your youth, connect your imagination and not limit yourself to bed only.

How to arrange co-sleeping

Do you know what the situation with co-sleeping sometimes looks like? Mom read a ton of children's literature, and most sources advocate co-sleeping - this is good and useful. I ran through my friends and acquaintances - they also practice it, they say - it’s necessary and right. And mom decided - we will sleep together with the newborn. At the same time, she is afraid to sleep with a child, constantly worries and is nervous, does not get enough sleep and is angry. The child, feeling tension, behaves restlessly, does not sleep, screams and is naughty. Dad does not understand at all what is happening, because no one asked his opinion - he gets ready and goes to sleep on the sofa in the middle of the night. As a result, everyone is unhappy, but they continue to torment each other, because somewhere it is written that this is better and safer.

But understand! The essence of joint sleep is to unite and rally the family, to make it even stronger and more reliable, and not to separate everyone into rooms. Do not go to extremes. You shouldn't look at others. Consult with your husband, discuss the pros and cons and find a convenient way out specifically for your situation.

• Place your baby to sleep on a flat, firm and clean surface. A water or air mattress is too mobile - the baby will constantly roll over.
• Do not place your child on the edge of the bed so that he does not roll onto the floor. Better move the bed close to the wall. If there is a gap between the wall and the bed, it must be filled with something so that the baby does not put a pen, leg or head in there.
• Do not put the baby next to dad or older child. They do not feel the baby so keenly. However, it has been noted that most fathers, after some time of co-sleeping, also acquire incredible sensitivity to the presence of the child.
• No soft pillows and fluffy blankets. Having buried his nose in them, the baby will not be able to breathe normally. And children under two years old should not sleep on a pillow at all.
• Do not dress or wrap your baby tightly. He will take some of the heat from you. And when overheated, prickly heat may appear, read more about what it is and how to deal with it.
• Avoid cosmetics and hygiene products with a strong aroma. It can overpower the familiar maternal scent and irritate the baby's nose.
• For washing clothes, it is better to use natural products.
• Ventilate and humidify the air in the room more often.
• Do not lie down next to the child if you are wildly tired, have drunk alcohol or have taken sedative drugs, as your sensitivity and self-control will be greatly dulled.
• It is also undesirable for the baby to sleep in the same room with smoking person, since statistics show that the risk of sudden death in a child in this setting increases.

And, if the width of your bed does not allow you to freely settle down with your child, then you can purchase attached baby cot(coslipper). It is closely attached to your bed and the child always sleeps nearby, albeit in his own bed.

How to move a child to your bed

Teaching a child to sleep separately is not difficult - you need to act gradually, but confidently. And in no case do not put pressure on the baby. It is unambiguous to say when it is impossible to do this better - all children are different and each child is individual in his own way. But you will understand for sure - after 3-4 years the baby will begin to show independence, say that he is already an adult and can do everything himself. That's when it's worth trying:

• Start with the second blanket. That is, the bed is still shared, but the baby has his own blanket.
• Together with the child, buy new bedding in a separate bed - it will be only his. Let him choose the color and pattern.
• It is better if at first it will not be a separate room, but a bed next to yours. Let the child know that he is not being persecuted - he is just growing up.
• Agree with the baby that he will sleep in his bed during the day, fall asleep next to you at night, and then you will transfer him to a separate bed, if he does not mind of course.

The child must be explained why this is necessary. Children at this age know how to hear and listen - they understand everything. And, if the baby comes to you to sleep in the morning, then do not scold him. Just praise for sleeping all night on your own like an adult - one praise is much better than ten reproaches.

My co-sleeping story

I, like many other young mothers, did not start practicing co-sleeping right away. Before going to bed, I bathed and swaddled our first child, Dominic (who are interested in swaddling methods, read here), fed and laid in a separate bed. At night, as soon as the baby starts groaning and scurrying around, my husband took it out and brought it to me. I will breastfeed, Dominic will smack a little and fall asleep. The husband will take him in his arms, hold him in a column and carefully put him back in the crib. And so many times a night. A month later, my husband once said that he was already used to not getting enough sleep. But we consoled ourselves with the thought that it was right to sacrifice sleep for the sake of a child and proudly considered ourselves good parents.

One incident changed everything. I wake up my husband and ask him to put the baby in the crib. He jumped up, ran up to me and froze - I was sitting on the bed, arms folded on my chest like a boat, as if feeding a baby, and Dominic was sleeping peacefully in his bed. My husband said that he woke up then in an instant from fear that I had dropped the child. From the next night we began to sleep all together and never regretted it.

When Ivona was born with us, the issue of separate sleep was not even considered. We all sleep together. The only thing, in order to make everyone more comfortable, we removed one board from the crib and moved it close to ours. Yvona sleeps there, at arm's length from me. And he sleeps much calmer than Dominic slept in the first month. If they ask me how many times I feed a night, I will answer that I don’t remember. It’s like I wake up from sleep, breastfeed my baby and go back to sleep, with everyone getting enough sleep and feeling great.

Co-sleeping is great. After all, the baby will inevitably grow up, become an adult and independent. Only wonderful memories of those happy moments will remain when you could caress him, and he, smiling, sweetly fell asleep in your arms.

On that happy note, I think I'll end. And you, dear readers, I invite you to comments and groups in in social networks. Ask questions, get answers, and share your own sleep experiences with your child. Subscribe to updates - there is still a lot of interesting things ahead.

Co-sleeping with a small child is a controversial topic even among doctors. On the one hand, it is much easier for a nursing mother to establish breastfeeding if the baby sleeps nearby and she does not have to get up to him at night. The baby is calmer, cries less and allows parents to get enough sleep. But pediatricians often express the opposite opinion: sleeping with a child nearby is dangerous, harmful to the child's psyche and family relations. Whether to take the baby to the parent's bed is up to you. But if you feel calmer and more comfortable sleeping with your baby, you must first think about the safety of co-sleeping.

Benefits of co-sleeping

If you choose co-sleeping, this is a wonderful investment in your baby's mental well-being. Sleeping with parents is a biologically justified expectation of an infant who is weak, defenseless and cannot survive without adult care. Feeling maternal warmth nearby, the baby is calm and confident in the safety of the world around him.

Co-sleeping facilitates breastfeeding and ensures a sufficient number of nightly feedings. Babies sleeping in separate beds receive less milk at night than those who are put in their parents' bed. As a result, the turnover of lactation in the mother gradually decreases.

Yes, and it is definitely more convenient for mom to sleep with a child. She doesn't even have to wake up at night to feed her baby. Of course, some hyper-responsible mothers still feel uncomfortable next to the child, but this is rather an exception to the rule.

You can learn more about the benefits and nuances of co-sleeping from our article, and detailed information about the research of scientists on this topic is presented in the article

How to organize a joint dream with a child?

Co-sleeping with a baby is not at all difficult to organize. But all parents decide how to sleep with a child in different ways. Some do without a crib at all, putting the baby next to them from birth. Others practice co-sleeping only from the middle of the night, after the first nightly feeding. During the day and at night, the baby is left to sleep in his crib.

Co-sleeping can be understood as sleeping directly in the parent's bed, as well as in a baby crib with the board removed, moved up to the bed of adults.

There is also a "transitional" option for children older than one and a half to two years. The child will be organized sleeping place"for growth", usually a one-and-a-half bed, where one of the adults sleeps with the baby.

Co-sleeping with a newborn scares parents because the baby seems very small and fragile. This neighborhood of young dads is especially frightening. And for good reason: adults need to observe a number of conditions for healthy co-sleeping.

1. Both parents must not smoke.
2. Under the ban - alcohol, drugs, potent drugs, sleeping pills and psychotropic drugs.
3. Co-sleeping can be dangerous if you are sick or feel overly tired.
4. The child must be full-term and healthy.
5. After feeding, you need to put the baby to sleep on his back.
6. You can not swaddle and unnecessarily wrap the child - he can overheat. The best way- light pajamas Remember: the body temperature of the baby rises from the heat of the mother's body.
7. The temperature in the room should be approximately +22 if the baby is not yet 6 months old, and +18 ... +20 - for children from six months. The optimum humidity in the room is 50-60%. The room must be regularly ventilated.
8. Do not use or use a minimum of cosmetics and perfumes with pungent odor. They mask the natural smell of the mother, can make the baby's sleep restless and even make it difficult for him to breathe.
9. It is important that the bed of adults meets all the requirements for a place for a child to sleep (read more below).
10. Pets have no place in the bed where the baby sleeps.
11. You can not leave the baby on an adult bed unattended and put to sleep with older children who do not understand that Small child defenseless and can suffocate.
12. Possible danger for a child, sleep with parents who are extremely obese.
13. Breastfeed your baby. While feeding a baby up to 4-5 months, the mother should wake up to prevent possible suffocation of the crumbs or choking with milk.

Do not be afraid to infect your baby with any infections that are transmitted by airborne droplets. Co-sleeping in this respect is no more dangerous than kissing and hugging.

Requirements for the parent's bed

The main danger of joint sleep is connected with the fact that the baby is still completely helpless. He may fall off the parent's bed or suffocate in the bedding. It is important to remember: the bed of adults should be absolutely safe for the child.

Observe the following requirements for a place for children's sleep:

• Smooth, hard mattress. A soft sofa, a water mattress or a folding chair are not suitable for sharing sleep with a child - the baby may suffocate on their uneven surfaces.
• The bed should be wide enough to accommodate adults and the baby comfortably. A child needs at least 60-70 cm, and about the same for mom.
• Pure bedding which should be changed regularly. Children do not need a pillow, at least up to a year. Mom's pillow should not be soft, downy. Perfect option- latex, buckwheat husk, "memory" material.
• It is better not to use a blanket and too tight bed linen. Preferably - breathable, cotton fabrics. If you consider a blanket necessary, then mom and baby should definitely have separate blankets! Pillows of parents should be as far away from the child's face as possible. Do not leave unnecessary items and toys on the bed. It is better for mom to sleep in light clothes made from natural materials, without ribbons and ties longer than 20 cm.
• On the side where the child sleeps, it is necessary to install some kind of fence. You can move the bed close to the wall or purchase a special board for a children's bed. You can put a roller on the side and support it with the backs of chairs. As an option, put a purchased but not used crib with the side removed to the bed. Of course, it must be adjusted in height and be almost one piece with an adult bed.

Intimate life of young parents and joint sleep with a child

Opponents of co-sleeping scare young parents possible difficulties in sexual life if the whole family sleeps in one bed. In fact, the appearance of a child, one way or another, makes changes in the intimate sphere of life of newly minted moms and dads.

If you live in a separate apartment, it is quite possible to show love for each other in another room, in the kitchen or in the bathroom - as far as fantasy allows. Those who are limited by the walls of one room (for example, living with parents) in any case will have to decide for themselves how comfortable they will feel when making love near a sleeping child.

Be that as it may, psychologists consider it safe to have sex with a newborn and a baby up to one and a half years old. If the baby accidentally wakes up at the most interesting moment, he will not understand anything. But after a year and a half, you need to control so that the child does not accidentally witness the sexual actions of the parents. He can get psychological trauma, considering what he saw as a manifestation of cruelty and aggression.

Co-sleeping with a baby: safe positions

Co-sleeping takes practice. It can take from two weeks to one and a half months to adapt to the presence of a child next to the mother. Of course, if the baby is not the first, this will happen much faster, but for a mother of many children, co-sleeping is not at all a problem.

Normal joint sleep excludes the possibility of falling on the child in a dream and provides a comfortable position for the mother herself. Feeding while lying down should be comfortable for a woman.

A safe position for co-sleeping (when feeding) looks like in the following way. Mom is lying on her side, i.e. not on the side, but on the shoulder blade; her head lies on the pillow or on her own arm, and her shoulder on the bed. The baby's head should be slightly tilted away from the mother so that the baby's nose does not stick into her. See what this safe co-sleeping position looks like in the photo below:

After feeding, it is better for the baby to sleep on his back, and for the mother in a position that is comfortable for her - on her back or on her side.

Co-sleeping and pregnancy are also compatible. But here you need to take into account the convenience of the bed on which the whole family sleeps. If the bed is not too wide and you are afraid that the older child may kick you in the stomach at night, it may be time to gradually transfer him to a separate bed. However, some parents sleep wonderfully with their first baby for the entire new pregnancy, and then continue to sleep together for the four of us.

Co-sleeping bed

The modern industry offers products for children and their parents for every taste. Some cribs are made with the possibility of removing one of the sides. In addition, there are special beds for co-sleeping:

If you want to sleep with your baby from the first days of his life, also pay attention to such an interesting product as a changing bed, designed to sleep with parents from birth:

We hope that our article will help you organize a comfortable and convenient for all family members to sleep together with a baby. Peaceful and joyful nights to you!

P.S. And finally - a little humor on the topic of co-sleeping!