Low self-esteem what to do. Low self-esteem: a variable that can be changed

Much in a person’s life depends on how he assesses his capabilities. Such an assessment is subjective, that is, it cannot be accurate and is largely based on faith. A person’s faith in himself, in his strengths and abilities. To a large extent it depends on upbringing.

In childhood, a person is poorly oriented in the world and relies on the opinions of authorities. The main authorities on whose opinion a person relies are parents. At the same time, parents also have self-esteem, which can be adequate, overestimated or underestimated.

Psychologists believe that most Russians have low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem convenient for others. It is convenient for others and easy to use. He demands less payment for his work than a person with adequate self-esteem. He does not seek to command, preferring to obey. He is compliant and flexible.

Often these are very qualified specialists. They tend to correct and burden themselves rather than demand from others.

They try to earn the respect and approval of others. When they receive praise, they rejoice, it’s important to them. But the praise doesn't last long. Often such a specialist works more for recognition than for material reward. He strives to show people how good he is.

What behavioral characteristics indicate low self-esteem?

Habit of making excuses
Tension arises among people because it is important that they like it.
Tendency to criticize oneself – skills, abilities, appearance. And blame yourself for failures. Fear of failure.
The habit of complaining about helplessness, inability to change the situation, about life in general.
Slouching, looking at the ground, stiffness in movements, slurred or quiet speech.

Low self-esteem makes a person feel bad and unworthy. Unworthy of recognition, security, expressing your opinion, attracting attention. Unworthy to be beautiful, noticeable, artistic, original, to attract attention.

A person is afraid that if the attention of others is drawn to him, they will see his shortcomings, “ugliness”. Which he attributes to himself, which may have been instilled in him in childhood. And which he tries with all his might to hide. Becoming invisible, appeasing those around you.

Lack of self-confidence prevents you from setting worthy goals. He believes that he cannot cope, that he needs teachers, mentors or partners. But he won’t be able to cope on his own. This often results in increased anxiety and various addictions. From alcohol, from people, etc.

I painted a bleak picture, didn't I?

But everything is not so bad, because people are usually normal, often very qualified and literate. And the whole problem lies in the subjective assessment of oneself.

What is an assessment?

Here I see an apple. Beautiful, ripe. I rate him highly. I start to eat, and inside I find a worm that has been living there for a long time.
My rating of this apple quickly changes to low.
What was the impetus? Experience.

But it is more difficult to evaluate a person, especially when you need to evaluate yourself. After all, I perceive myself from the inside, and I want to know exactly what kind of attitude I will evoke from others.

Yes, and I can be different, in different moods, with different energy, with different thoughts.
And the condition of others also depends on the situation, weather and time of day.

Or I meet a stranger. If I want to evaluate his attitude towards me by his reaction, then often nothing happens. Why?

And that person himself still doesn’t know how to treat me. He only collects information about me.

What will he focus on first? On my appearance, on my behavior. On my words, on how I treat myself. I tell him what attitude towards me he should have. That is, I myself shape his attitude towards me.

In articles by psychologists you can find a lot of advice on how to change your behavior and how to play. I won't give you this advice. They work poorly. It's important here complex work. Working with movements, emotions, thoughts. And all this at the same time.

Here, working with changing attitudes and beliefs that come from childhood can help. We were instilled with a lot of things in childhood, and often this prevents us from living and acting. Here the help of a psychologist is desirable. We must take this calmly. A psychologist is not a psychiatrist. We don't make diagnoses. We do not engage in intimidation.

It’s just that the changes that we want to achieve in ourselves often happen with a psychologist tens of times faster than with independent work above yourself. Which is also possible and necessary, of course. Both time and expense are more than worth it. So, working on your self-esteem is difficult, but possible. We wish you good luck on this journey!

What to do with low self-esteem?

Oh, how often we underestimate ourselves in our lives. We underestimate our contribution to any cause, we cannot accept deserved gratitude for it and we are embarrassed to ask for more, commensurate with our benefit. Unfortunately, he faces the problem of low self-esteem large number people. How do you understand that a person has problems with self-esteem, and how does this manifest itself?

The root of this problem is self-dislike and lack of acceptance. As a rule, this is due to “dislike” in childhood. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that the parents did not love their child, it was simply not customary in the family to show love, warmth, praise... Very often this is due to the same cold attitude on the part of our grandparents towards our parents, because it was the post-war period and the task there was only one - to survive, “what kind of love is there.”

As a result, we get a person who does not feel love for himself: for his body, talents, capabilities, intellect, and so on on the list. Without being filled with this love from childhood, such a person has no support, no foundation for building his own life in love and absolute acceptance of himself, faith in his strengths and capabilities. He simply doesn’t have that feeling of love that comes from within and fills him with inner strength.

Thus, low self-esteem is manifested by a person’s inability to accept praise, and more often than not he will respond “You’re welcome” instead of “You’re welcome” after you deservedly praise him for his help. He will be sincerely perplexed as to why you are thanking him, because in his eyes he has done nothing valuable and significant, moreover, his whole life does not represent anything valuable and significant.

It is also obvious that a person with low self-esteem is afraid to ask for anything for himself (a salary increase, or anything at all) because he subconsciously considers himself unworthy of something better, unworthy of distracting people over “his own trifles.”

Very often this form appears psychological protection, as “introjection”, when the boundary between a person’s “I” and the outside world is not clear, but is shifted inside the “I”. This manifests itself in the inability to clearly state one's point of view, instead accepting without criticism the opinion of another person who, for whatever reason, has authority. The most common case is forty-year-old mama's boys who are unable to say a word across. And this happens throughout life, and a person does not even realize that he constantly accepts someone else’s “authoritative opinion” as his own, without criticizing or defending his position.

From “dislike” grows the habit of “flying low” and not setting ambitious goals, and goals in general, most often it is “life with the flow” with the least resistance and low “competition”. Hence the dislike of competition and the habit of “giving up without a fight.” After all, competition and struggle presuppose the presence inner strength, leaving the comfort zone and the usual safe environment, in other words – with stress.

Over the years, such a life leads to a lack of vivid emotions and an inability to experience them. A person agrees that he lives as he deserves and does not deserve more. And all the dreams about better life, about the pleasure of doing something that inspires our subconscious, blocks it so as not to upset us. And as a result, we get people who live at a low level of energy, who are gloomy, whose eyes have not been “lighting up” for a long time and, unfortunately, there is no life in them. How long have you seen such people on the streets of your city?

As you can see, low self-esteem is a symptom of almost the main root of any psychological problem- self-dislike. And she ruined many aspirations for achievements, dreams, victories... And if you notice something familiar in the symptoms of low self-esteem in yourself or loved ones, it’s time to start acting!

Low self-esteem can manifest itself at any age, but its inclinations are formed by parents in childhood. IN modern society it is a common problem and is characterized by an individual’s inadequate vision of himself. This problem can seriously ruin an individual's life. The main “companions” of low self-esteem include embarrassment, fear of being rejected or rejected, indecisiveness, uncertainty about personal potential and one’s own attractiveness, jealousy, cowardice, shyness, excessive touchiness, and fear of appearing funny. People with low self-esteem may never become winners. They obviously occupy a disadvantageous position in society.

Causes of low self-esteem

The main reasons for low self-esteem include the assessment and influence of parents in childhood, accepting the evaluative opinions of surrounding people as an objective reality, attaching significance to some matter in which you were defeated, an inflated level of claims.

Personal self-esteem, like many other things, begins its formation with early childhood. In this period, the baby is not yet able to independently evaluate his actions and actions, so he forms an opinion about himself through suggestion from his immediate environment, mainly with the help of parental reactions to all his actions and actions. Without giving their children love, attention and affection, parents instill in them low self-esteem. Constant criticism of children and excessive demands on them necessarily affects their entire future life. Continuous criticism from significant figures for children leads to a very low degree of self-esteem. The child gets used to constant criticism and perceives it as the norm. Therefore, as he grows up, he will no longer demand better treatment.

Another reason for low self-esteem, which originates from childhood, is the use of “battering rams of obligation” by parents in education. Excessive use this method education can give children a feeling of enormous responsibility, which subsequently leads to emotional stiffness. Adults often say: “Your father respected person, so you have to behave like him.” A reference model is formed in the child’s subconscious, embodying which he will become good and ideal, but because... it is not realized, a discrepancy appears between the ideal and the existing reality.

Childhood illnesses or physical defects can also make a negative contribution to the development of self-esteem. A sick child or a child with defects in appearance feels different from those around him. If in childhood his peers mocked his defects, constantly reminding him of their existence, then such a child will certainly have low self-esteem.

Regardless of whether a task is performed well or poorly, there are always people who will criticize. If a person takes all the statements of others without exception on faith, then this will certainly affect his self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem are characterized by persistently attaching great importance to certain events or consider themselves to be losers in comparison with others. This destroys their self-confidence and personal potential, leading to a loss of personal dignity, which ultimately leads to low self-esteem.

Often, individuals, out of ignorance, set for themselves, in order to achieve, such exaggerated goals and a very short period of time for implementation that their implementation is practically unrealistic. Once they fail to achieve these goals, their self-esteem suffers significantly. stops believing in personal potential, becomes disillusioned with own strength ah and stops making any attempts to make his dreams come true.

Signs of low self-esteem

The main sign by which one can conclude that an individual has a low level of self-esteem is the attitude of others towards his personality. After all, others intuitively perceive a person in accordance with her self-esteem. Therefore, if a person treats himself with respect and accepts his personality, then he will definitely be accepted and respected by the surrounding society. If a person does not love himself, then he should not expect love from the people around him. After all, when an individual lowers himself in his own eyes, then it is quite difficult for others to treat him and think differently about him.

In addition, an individual with low self-esteem will unconsciously choose for himself the same interaction partners, who will once again confirm such self-esteem. This behavior comes from the fact that each person involuntarily seeks to validate his self-esteem. This tendency is natural for individuals with internal uncertainty, indecision and low self-esteem.

The problem of low self-esteem is often accompanied by the habit of constantly complaining about life, circumstances, one’s helplessness, the inability to change anything in the current conditions, the desire to mentally call oneself unlucky, bad, imperfect, etc.

The feeling of self-pity comes from the inability to manage own life. People consciously surrender to the mercy of others or circumstances. Every now and then they are pushed in one direction or another. They allow others to upset them, hurt them, scold them, criticize them and make them angry because they have dependent nature and they love attention, they want to be good to everyone. Often many individuals are glad that they are sick. After all, strength lies in weakness - those around them begin to give them the desired attention to such an extent and are always ready to serve.

People tend to blame others and complain about them because they refuse to take responsibility for everything that happens to them. After all, it is much easier to shift the blame to other people or unfortunate circumstances than to realize that the problem lies in oneself. An individual who has the habit of complaining to others and blaming them for his own failures feels himself an inferior person and tries to consolidate his position by humiliating others. Quite often, individuals blame others for what they do not like about themselves or for which they blame themselves. They are eager to condemn in the individuals around them precisely those shortcomings and weaknesses that they themselves have.

The problem of low self-esteem also lies in focusing on your own shortcomings. People with low self-esteem usually look as follows: drooping head, sad facial expressions, corners of the mouth downturned, stiffness of movements, etc. A person with adequate self-esteem looks more physically relaxed.

The manner of dressing also indicates the adequacy of self-esteem. Hairstyle, clothing, makeup and grooming are a kind of self-presentation of an individual.

Individuals with low level self-esteem is characterized by inadequate reactions to criticism. They take any comments and statements personally. You need to understand that absolutely all people can make mistakes. Discussion and analysis of mistakes will be constructive if the conversation is conducted with an adequate person. An individual with a low level of self-esteem perceives analysis of mistakes as a personal insult, a kind of evidence of his own inferiority, and mental trauma.

Low self-esteem prevents such a person from separating his personality from the problem, himself from the situation. Individuals who wear false masks think that they are worse than those around them. In an effort to counter this feeling, they are often familiar, boastful, they speak excessively loudly, laugh demonstratively, or try to impress with their material well-being. Such people do not want to demonstrate to the surrounding society a genuine attitude towards themselves. Artificial masks are intended to cover up one’s own insecurities and are an attempt to compensate for a lack of self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem are typically characterized by a lack of close friends. Feeling hostility towards their own personality, they either become “loners” who live separately from society, or adhere to the opposite behavior and turn into aggressive, assertive, overly critical, demanding people. None of these behaviors are conducive to friendships.

Low self-esteem can often be accompanied by a fear of making a mistake. Constantly doubting the ability to accomplish what others expect of him, the individual usually does nothing at all or may postpone action for more long term. A person refuses to make a decision because he believes that he will not be able to make the right choice. The result of low self-esteem of one partner or both spouses at the same time can be divorce. Basically, unions fall apart in which one of the partners feels a strong need to dominate, control, or completely own the spouse.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The emergence of inadequate self-evaluation is, in fact, a symbiosis of feelings of guilt, resentment, and shame, which most often are not realized by people.

High and low self-esteem are considered two sides of the same coin of not accepting one’s personality. Indeed, in the event of the slightest failure, an overestimated level of self-esteem instantly transforms into an underestimated one, and in the case of success, an underestimated degree of self-esteem quickly turns into an overestimated one, so it is never adequate. Therefore, high and low self-esteem can coexist in one person.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Initially, you should discover the reasons for its occurrence and rethink them.

Dealing with low self-esteem begins with recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses, ensuring that you have admirable qualities and strengths that are worthy of respect and appreciation. You can play quite a game with yourself simple game, which involves doing three things every day that bring you joy. You need to start living for yourself, so you should make the simplest plans and carry them out, live with good mood, a positive attitude, smile more often and regularly praise yourself.

Low self-esteem, what to do? First you need to love yourself with all the flaws, mistakes, defects and shortcomings. You should try to understand that you, like any other person, are made not only of shortcomings, but also have a lot of advantages and advantages.

You need to learn to look after yourself, your gait, demeanor, etc. If you notice that you are walking down the street, looking at your feet, then look forward, put a smile on your face, remember the pleasant moments of life and boldly go towards your dream.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Very simple! You just need to start appreciating yourself. And to do this, give yourself the opportunity to do what you are passionate about, start reading more. Maybe you need to change jobs? If this is not possible, then find yourself a favorite hobby.

Dealing with low self-esteem involves self-control and willpower training. Active leisure, physical exercise, daily workouts, contrast shower– ideally strengthen the body and spirit.

How to get rid of low self-esteem? The answer to this question lies in a good attitude towards others and love for your neighbor. Try to help people, don’t avoid asking for help if you can help. This will give you importance in your own eyes.

Change your views on the world around us and society. Get rid of constant depressing thoughts about the need to increase your self-esteem. Such thoughts will not lead to good result. The most important rule on the path to adequate self-esteem is faith in yourself, personal potential and your own strength.

In my practice, I constantly come across questions that clients ask me: “Why do people treat me this way, what’s wrong with my self-esteem?” First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is:

underestimated – underestimating one’s own strengths;
overestimated – overestimation of one’s own strengths;
normal – adequate assessment of oneself, one’s own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one’s goals and objectives, adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

The attitude of others as an indicator. How a person treats himself is how others treat him. If he does not love, respect and value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards him.
Inability to manage your own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all or shifts the responsibility for choice to others.
Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it is beneficial for them, they engage in self-flagellation so that they will be pitied. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
The desire to be good, to please, to be liked, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one’s personal desires.
Frequent complaints to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others and constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. It’s not without reason that they say that the best defense is an attack.
Focusing on your shortcomings rather than your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of one’s own appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.
Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure, criticism from others, a failed exam (interview), etc.
Loneliness or vice versa – fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: “You can’t love someone like me.”
The development of addictions and addictions as a way of temporarily escaping reality.
Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence/suppression of one's own desires.
Closedness, closedness from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. Persistent state victims. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.
Heightened sense of guilt. Critical situations he tries on himself, without sharing his guilt and the role of the current circumstances. He accepts any showdown in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the “best” confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: “I am better than them.” Constant competition as a way to prove this, “flaunting” one’s merits.
Closedness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are lower than him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
Confidence in one's own rightness and constant proof of this is the “salt” of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, those around him should dance to his tune.
Setting lofty goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, and oppresses himself.
Inability to admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, unsure of yourself.
The inability to ask for help is a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.
Focus only on yourself. Puts his own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the lives of others, to “poke” them into the mistakes they have made and show them how to do it by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
Predominance of the pronoun “I” in speech. In conversations he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can failures in self-esteem occur?

Childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any significant event for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Oedipal period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. At an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child’s self-esteem and how he or she will build a relationship scenario with the opposite sex in the future.

Adolescence. Age 13 to 17-18 years. A teenager searches for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: “Who am I?”

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parental behavior, which subsequently passes on to children and becomes their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem among the parents themselves, when the same projections are imposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment by parents of his abilities. This is where high self-esteem comes from, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an emphasis only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closedness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors and admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and scolding, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop anything.

Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their destiny on it, building on it projections of their goals that they could not achieve themselves. But behind this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, beginning to see only their projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: “For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be.” He forgets about his present self and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.

Comparison with other good children lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must be better than others.

Overprotection, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, right down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to develop the Self; he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate lack of independence in him and, as a result, low self-esteem(to the point of losing the meaning of life).

The desire to be like a parent, which can be either natural or forced, when the child is constantly told: “Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall flat on your face.” There is a fear of slipping up, making a mistake, or not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be low and initiative may be completely killed.

Above I have given some of the common reasons why problems with self-esteem arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two “poles” of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself may be a compensatory and protective function of underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.

As you might already understand, most problems are adult life stem from childhood. The child’s behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childhood behavior carries over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

Ultimately, entire life scenarios of adulthood are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not valued, it hurts and hurts us, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with loved ones, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, and society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot truly make you happy man. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it’s time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

Make a list of your qualities strengths, qualities that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of yourself as a person, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.
Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.
Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Playing sports gives you tone, lifts your spirits, and allows you to take quality care of your body, which you are so dissatisfied with. At the same time there is a release negative emotions, which were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to exit. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.
Keeping an achievement diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
Make a list of qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with help different techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.
Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, and from communication with whom “wings grow.” In parallel, minimize to possible level contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc.

Scheme of working with inflated self-esteem

First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone has the right to their own point of view.
Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.
When caring for others, do it based on their needs, and not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, but you think that tea would be healthier. Don't force your tastes and opinions on him.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
Stop arguing with others and proving that you are right. You may not know it yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
Don't get depressed if you couldn't achieve the desired result. It’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).
Stop competing with others on every issue. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
Stick out your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective merits of a person do not need to be clearly demonstrated - they are seen through actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:

Be. Do. Have

What does it mean?

“To have” is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

“Doing” means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

“Be” is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like?

In my practice, I like to work with the “being of a person,” with what happens inside him. Then “to do” and “to have” will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. Where work more efficiently with cause, not effect. Eliminating the root of the problem, what creates and attracts similar problems, not relief current state, allows you to really improve the situation.

In addition, the problem is not always and not everyone is aware of; it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason I believe the optimal way interaction between a person and himself is a therapy of “being”, not “doing”. This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

You were given two options: “do” and “be”, and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do this, I don’t know. But I am sure that you will find a way that will be better in your case. I found this in personal therapy and successfully apply it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid personality change and transformation. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Sincerely, psychologist-consultant
Drazhevskaya Irina