The feed contains several posts in a row from friends: cancer diagnosis themselves or those closest to them. The emotional tone of these posts is clear: this news knocks you off your feet.

And since after it turned out that I had this very diagnosis, all these feelings were fresh in my memory, it seemed important to me to write a few things - what if my personal experience is useful to someone?

I will not write about the necessary medical actions- there are countless cases, everyone has their own recipe, but I want to talk about something else, about something that, perhaps, does not occur to everyone, that is, about important rules the behavior of the person who has been diagnosed, and the rules of behavior of his loved ones.

For the person himself: remember, the most emotionally unpleasant thing has already happened, you learned about your diagnosis. It will be easier in the future, because we need to do this, select treatment, console loved ones - this is also a big and important work, they are worse off now than you. This is what is very important to remember about loved ones. They are your main support group and support; they must be protected and saved, otherwise you will have no one to count on in the upcoming difficult moments of treatment. Therefore, treat this resource soberly and store it without squandering it on trifles - it sounds a little cynical, but it’s true.

Turn on your sense of humor, look at yourself from the outside and realize that your situation is not the worst - after all, no one is immortal, and an oncological diagnosis is not the worst thing in the world, there are a lot of more unpleasant things. If you look at your bald self with healthy self-irony, you may discover that you are a typical ancient Roman. And this gives some sense of pride :). There is no one hundred percent certainty that laughter cures cancer, but it gives you strength to live with cancer, and strength is exactly what you need now, right?

Under no circumstances, to the extent possible, disconnect from normal life: if you can, continue to work remotely, do not give up your hobbies and interests, as much as possible, drag yourself outside by your ears, even if you have no strength after chemotherapy or radiation. Try to keep your “diary” of achievements - I remember it was very important for me that I walked two blocks on Tuesday, and already four on Thursday. It's encouraging and very supportive. Be proud of yourself!!

Try to find someone who can be helped, who is worse off than you. There was an aunt in my room who was very scared, and she talked about it all the time. I was also scared, but I tried to distract her.

And in the end I discovered that wow, I’m not scared anymore! At the same time, the aunties calmed down :))).

And for sure, for sure, after the first shock you will discover your own methods of fighting yourself - and the fight against cancer is precisely the fight with yourself! Share them then, okay? And the most important thing, in my opinion, is that it is not in our power to know our life span, but in our power to spend this time in such a way that those around us would also envy.

But if suddenly you feel that you cannot cope emotionally with the situation, you should not think that you are Batman. You have the right to weakness, and to tears, and to periods bad mood- just remember that, generally speaking, if you go too far, these are your main enemies, and if these guests become more frequent, it may make sense to talk to a psychologist. This often helps. And be sure to remember - your job is to hold out: time is on our side, new methods and methods of treatment appear that were not available to people before.

And now two words to those who are close to a sick loved one, and to those who are close to them.

Please remember that cancer these days is not a death sentence. Or rather, this is the same sentence as life in general, which can be both terrible and beautiful at the same time. It is possible that during the course of your loved one’s struggle with illness, such depths of love and tenderness will be revealed to you that you could not even suspect. And ultimately, this is about happiness, no matter how blasphemous it may sound. Of course, you will need a lot of strength, patience and endurance, and a lot of discipline, because treatment includes very strict discipline, and this is difficult for such idiots as our family, for example - but it is really necessary.

Please never hide from an adult important details- from what the doctor told you. Your patient will still guess that you have something on your mind, but will not have the opportunity to discuss this important thing with you. This incredibly pulls the rug out from under your feet.

It is very important to know that your patient is now as emotionally dependent on you as possible. This does not mean that you are required to constantly smile and say that everything is bullshit, it’s just no good - it just means that you don’t have to leave him alone, it’s much better to hug, cry together, and then say, “ Well, yes, it’s bad now, but it will be better, God willing!” And really try to think like that.

You will have to come to terms with the change in lifestyle, and a large number inconveniences, and with mood swings of your patient - but these are just circumstances, the same as many others.

It is very important - do not isolate yourself within the family. Write to friends on social networks, seek support from friends and acquaintances, speak out loud about your needs. People are usually happy to help, but they don’t always know how. Help those who help, they will be grateful to you. My husband and I would never have coped with the situation if it weren’t for real help from the whole world.

And forgive in advance those who will write to you - “hold on” and “everything will be fine.” These two phrases will infuriate you, but in a strange way, they will really create invisible but tangible support for you. A word is not a little, it is a lot. Verified :))

But nevertheless, to friends of relatives of sick people: if you can, try to offer effective assistance, because nothing demoralizes a patient’s relative more than the phrases “keep your tail up and don’t be sour!” He has the right to be sour. And the tail with a pistol may not work. But it’s just important for him to know that you’re nearby, without being too positive.

Long remission to all of us, and, if possible, complete victory. There are many of us, which means it’s not so scary anymore.

I'm not afraid of anything! [How to get rid of fears and start living freely] Pakhomova Anzhelika

Terrible diagnoses...

Terrible diagnoses...

But fear of getting the flu is one thing, and AIDS or cancer is another. Many people are subject to this fear, because previously it was customary to hush up terrible diagnoses. Now this has changed, and almost everyone knows that many of our favorite artists have passed away due to cancer. The newspapers are full of advertisements: “ Help raise money for the operation!»

Many people have the feeling that everyone will eventually die from incurable diseases... According to one survey by the Health publication, eight out of ten people answered the question “What are you afraid of?” This is exactly what they called – the fear of contracting an incurable disease.

Well what can I say? Instead of being afraid, let's think about how to live so that such a disease does not occur. If you do not have a hereditary predisposition, only psychological reasons. Doctors are increasingly talking about the psychological background of serious illnesses, and psychotherapists are simply screaming.

If you want to stay healthy, don't forget that any negative emotions have a detrimental effect not only on our mood and nervous system, but also on the body as a whole. If you think about it, you can even remember how it happens.

We think intensely about something unpleasant - and we get a headache. We are offended and feel pain in our chests, in our hearts.

We get angry and our hands begin to shake, a hot wave runs through our body... All these are physical reactions of our body to unwanted emotions. Experiencing them time after time, the body reacts with diseases. It seems to signal us: don’t torture me, master! Stop! But when a person gets sick, he has negative emotions it gets even bigger, and more often than not it doesn’t stop...

So, it turns out that if not everything, then a lot is in our hands! We have the power to protect ourselves from emotions that lead to illness! After all, we hope you don’t think that emotions are the result of the activities of others? No matter what happens, it is up to you to decide how to react to the situation. What emotions should you be afraid of? like fire, so that later you won’t be afraid of diseases?

Self-criticism. It’s not for nothing that psychotherapists working with cancer patients say: cancer cells are cells that are “offended” at us. Because the person carried negativity inside himself. Not sparing himself, he engaged in self-flagellation, analysis of his flights, in short, he ate himself from the inside. Therefore, if you have such a habit, know that it is very harmful! If, during attacks of self-flagellation, you experience gnawing melancholy, you have a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, and your stomach hurts, it means that undesirable processes are slowly but surely occurring in your body. Is it worth it? Change your tactics! Not only stop reproaching yourself, but, on the contrary, repeat seven times every morning: “I'm pleased with myself! I'm great! I’m starting everything from scratch, and I don’t regret the past!”

It is very important not to regret, even if you made a mistake. It is in this habit of punishing oneself for the past that lies the essence of self-criticism, which literally “corrodes” our soul.

Resentment. No less harmful than being offended by yourself is holding a grudge against others. When we are offended, we take on bad emotions, which we then “grind” within ourselves. It’s not for nothing that it seems to us that the offender “hit” us with a look, a word... A feeling arises in the chest. It's a dull pain, which seems to come from within. This is how resentment is experienced! And in exactly the same way - oddly enough - we experience a feeling of guilt when we have offended someone. Ask for forgiveness for your words or actions. Forgive the one who offended you. And you will immediately feel that discomfort left the body, you felt easy and good. Shouldn't you think about living like this forever? To prevent yourself from being offended at all?

Of course, only enlightened people and monks and holy people have achieved the ideal so far. But at least by getting rid of the habit of instantly reacting with offense to everything unwanted that happens, you will do a good deed for yourself.

Anger. Oh, what harmful emotions these are for health! They say, however, that there is a feeling of “healthy anger” that helps in work. But this seems to be the same phantom as “white envy” - no one knows for sure whether it exists or not. When we are angry, everything inside us bubbles and shakes. We, figuratively speaking, “lose our temper.” The result is stomach diseases, because the person does not seem to “digest” the situation, does not accept the events or people who surround him. As a result, his anger did not make anyone worse, only himself. Because the person caused energetic damage to his body and became ill. Avoid anger like fire! It is unproductive, meaningless and does not bring anything good. Avoid open conflict—screaming, swearing, accusing someone to your face—until the last moment. Because it will bring you nothing but harm.

As soon as you feel yourself getting excited, remember something good. Remember how good it is to just live!

And your offender or “circumstances” have nothing to do with this process. Remember self-preservation!

By the way, it was precisely those people who realized that the disease signals us about the need to change our lifestyle, who were ultimately cured.

For example, the famous writer Daria Dontsova, who, having heard the “verdict” (the fourth stage of breast cancer), did not bury herself, but was distracted by creativity. It was the illness that forced her to write books, including about what happened to her.

The writer Alexander Solzhenitsyn also defeated this disease and professed the same principle: “Don’t be offended by your illness! Don't complain! Think about what you need to change about yourself?”

TV presenter Yuri Nikolaev went to church before the operations and there he realized that he had treated his loved ones too cruelly. Having changed his behavior, he noticed that he no longer had anyone to be angry or offended with, he believed in his healing, and the disease receded...

In general, you shouldn't think too much about serious illnesses. But you should think about how to protect yourself from what could be their cause.

CONCLUSIONS:

No matter how afraid you are of getting sick, becoming infected, falling ill - don’t talk about it. Try to deceive the disease that in your mind is guarding the victim. She prefers people who are insecure.

When you get sick, think not about illness, but about recovery. If your environment is trying to make you sick, reassure

tell him that everything is fine with you. Don't be angry at your pain, but don't give it too much attention.

Do not take pills for every minor ailment. It’s better to think about why the problem arose and change something in your lifestyle.