Emotional abuse of women. Psychological violence in the family (in relationships). Consequences of domestic violence. Psychological assistance to survivors of domestic violence

Society has been concerned about the problem of physical violence in families for a long time. Unfortunately, the statistics of recorded cases of beating and humiliation of people (usually women and children) gives frightening figures. The problem of domestic violence has long been of interest to psychologists, social educators, and specialists in the protection of individual and child rights.

This article will discuss the manifestation of another form of violence - psychological violence.

So, psychological violence in the family Today it is gaining more and more “popularity” and is particularly sophisticated. It causes the same emotional damage to its victims as physical abuse. Increasingly, victims experiencing psychological violence, become women.

I was inspired to write this article by stories from the lives of my clients who long time experienced pressure and humiliation from men, and were forced to turn to me for psychological help.

What made sweet and confident women enter into an adventure, a rapidly developing relationship based on tyranny, the suppression of their personality?

Before moving on to an example from real life, I will focus on general characteristics men who were precisely the same tyrants who humiliated women.

Types of antisocial behavior in men

Narcissism. Representatives of this type are exclusively focused on themselves. They are not constant in relationships, always in search of love and admiration. Don Juans belong to this type. Men who are incapable of love.

Sociopaths. Aggressively minded individuals who subjugate the will of other people, exploiting everyone they come across in their path.

Misogyny effect

Misogynists - Misogynists! The personality type we're talking about we'll talk in this article, is something between narcissism and sociopath, since selfishness certainly plays a big role in relationships with women for this type of man. But for a misogynist, self-admiration is not the main point in a relationship with a woman; the main thing in this relationship is control over his partner.

Psychological domestic violence in mesogynistic relationships

Let me give you an example from the life of one woman who entered into a relationship with a misogynistic man.

The woman, let's call her Maria, has always been distinguished by her cheerful disposition and easy character. She was only 28 years old when she met Sergei. He was so gallant, he looked after her beautifully: he gave flowers and gifts. Everything seemed like a fairy tale at that time: a rapidly developing romance, wind in my head, feelings and love seemed to float in the air. He met her after work, and until the morning they wandered along the pavement together, throwing pebbles into the river, sat under the moon, counting the stars. He took her hand and spoke words of admiration to her: “You are the one I have been looking for all my life. I thought that my heart was no longer capable of loving anyone. How do you manage to be so tender and loving, dissolve in me, breathe me? My world was so lonely without you, but you brought back my happiness. I am now yours forever.”

Maria was a very cheerful, impressionable girl; by the time she met Sergei, she had achieved a lot in life. Maria had many friends who shared her interests. She fluttered like a butterfly that had tasted nectar. She moved through life with such ease that it seemed like she already had everything she could ever dream of. Maria was happy, she greeted every day with a smile. She received great pleasure from music, to which she previously devoted a lot of time and enjoyed her classes.

Sergei was very a closed person: I told Maria practically nothing about myself. Sergei devoted a lot of time to Maria, he took over her entire living space. He was interested in everything: her thoughts, friends and acquaintances, work, which at that time was very important for her. After a month of dating, Sergei increasingly started talking about the need to get married, rushing the already rapidly developing relationship. He said that he could not live without her for a day, he really needed her, and began to miss her endlessly as soon as they parted, and he accompanied her home.

Soon Sergei started talking about the fact that she needed to quit her job, since he earned good money and did not want his wife to work. All of Sergei’s actions in relation to Maria were veiled under concern for her; in each of his actions he emphasized that he did not want to see her tired and wanted to spend more time with her.

Maria suddenly discovered that this care for her on the part of Sergei was increasingly reminiscent of control over her life.

As soon as the relationship was registered, Maria, unnoticed by herself, gradually began to abandon her own desires, interests.

At first she didn't see anything wrong with it. She took over all the housework. It seemed that now she had nothing left in her life that had made her so happy 3 months ago.

Aggressive behavior

Sergei returned home and was often aggressive towards Maria. He explained his outbursts at her by her inability to lead household, because she herself is to blame for the fact that he behaves this way, that she has ceased to be interesting to him. She was afraid of such a reaction, and tried in every possible way to please her husband, so as not to cause a repetition of this outburst of anger. can often be carried out by aggressive behavior of one family member towards another or others.

Criticism and condemnation

Everything that Maria did was instantly criticized and condemned by Sergei, this applied to everything: appearance, mood, clothes that she ironed or washed incorrectly. Any desires of Maria to go out for a walk and meet with friends were perceived by him mockingly, he told her that she was not interesting to anyone except him. Sergei inspired Maria that she did not want to understand that he cared about her, and, criticizing, wanted only good.

“When I tell you that you have become fat, I don’t want to offend you, I just want to let you know that you have started to eat a lot, and I wish you happiness, because no one except me will tell you about this. Now your condition is interesting just me, how can you not understand this? I do everything for you, it’s not my fault that you became nervous and don’t want to hear me. it was, I work all day. I hope what you prepared today is edible,” - this is how he expressed all his complaints to her.

“You should be grateful to me for the fact that I married you, because you are no longer young, close to 30 years old. I protected you from unnecessary rubbish in your life! For example, your music lessons tired you, remember how you "I was tired, after work you still had to go to rehearsal. Do you really think that you could really make a good musician? If you want to play with the violin, I’ll buy you a violin, play at home," he told her.

May begin with criticism and condemnation.

Consultation with a family psychologist: working with psychological trauma

When the client recalled her life, her eyes filled with tears. The mental trauma and pain that she suffered and experienced then was comparable to the loss of her own dignity, she spoke about all this quietly, as if she was afraid that someone would hear her feelings and condemn them. When Maria came to me, she was already 32 years old, 4 years had passed since her meeting with Sergei. This young woman looked very depressed, she was tired and “worn out”, with every cell of her body she screamed about how bad she felt. Everything inside her was shaking. Over the course of 4 years, from a young, attractive and confident woman, she turned into an exhausted, aged, and downtrodden person.

I stopped respecting myself!

Women who have been subjected to psychological violence in the family are convinced of their helplessness, uselessness, and have completely lost respect for themselves as individuals. You can hear from them: “I no longer respect myself,” “I can’t look calmly at myself in the mirror,” “I seem ugly and fat,” “Nobody loves me. Nobody is interested in or needs me,” “I I’m already old, I’m not 25 years old,” “I’m a bad housewife,” “I’m hysterical,” “It’s all my fault!”

Depression. Or how to get out from under the press

Family psychologist about humiliation of personality and restoration of self-dignity

If you, like my client, are faced with similar situation in a relationship and have lost control own life, be sure to find the strength and opportunity to get out into the wild.

How to stop psychological violence in the family

Often women who become dependent on their husbands lose self-respect.

Never give up your interests for your husband.

A woman has her own world. A woman's world. A woman should meet with her friends, go to stores for all sorts of little things: cosmetics, clothes. Even a small cup of coffee in a cafe is a necessity in a woman’s life.

Clothes, hairstyle, various attributes women's restroom– all this exists to preserve and maintain a woman’s peace of mind. A woman is the decoration of the world. A woman is a holiday herself, it is important for a woman to shine like the sun and appear on the street.

Faithfully waiting for your husband, fulfilling all his inadequate instructions: jumping on one leg, speaking only when he allows and what he allows, smiling and having sex only at his behest - all this does not contribute to the preservation of youth, femininity, beauty and health.

Obsessing over her husband’s interests and having devotion in her eyes like a dog’s is a negative habit for a woman.

Defending your desires and interests is a necessary component in a woman’s life! For real men in a relationship with a woman, there is nothing strange in the fact that a woman has her own desires and interests. A real man He does everything to make her happy and helps her fulfill her desires.

Only a prisoner with a chain cannot escape

If you have grown accustomed to the role of a victim and do not know how to find the strength to break free from pressure, turn to your loved ones for help: parents and friends can provide you with the necessary support in this situation.

Often our loved ones do not know the whole truth, since in public misogynistic men often broadcast false behavior; they can be respectful and courteous towards their woman in front of others. They do everything to ensure that others do not suspect anything and do not interfere with snatching the victim from under their control.

Don't isolate yourself, call your loved ones and ask for help!

Don't hold on to relationships just because you feel like no one needs you. Of course, in a situation of depression, it is difficult to adequately assess the situation, since you have not felt comfortable for a long time, feelings of pity, guilt, fear and hope are mixed inside.

Let go of hope

Don’t expect your misogynist man to begin to behave with restraint and calm, the state of aggression is his normal environment. He will take a little rest and begin to have angry outbursts again.

Let go of fear and pity

It won't end if you don't let go of fear and pity! Don't justify bad behavior in men. Fear of loneliness and self-pity prevents many women from becoming happy. It may seem strange to some, but many women specifically choose similar men for themselves, since in moments of outbursts of jealousy and aggression in men, women act as calming good fairies. Without realizing it, they allow men to behave this way all the time. The woman inside feels that she is helping the man to calm down, that it is her, as his beloved woman, that the man trusts with his feelings. Women justify men, forgiving aggression, jealousy, and humiliation. Women believe that men will improve if women behave to please them.

Pity and guilt in a woman's life

Feeling sorry for herself, considering herself inferior, the woman herself develops a feeling of guilt. How does this happen? First, a woman gets used to the fact that she is to blame for something and behaves incorrectly. A woman’s attitude towards herself is ingrained in her relationship with her parents since childhood. From childhood, excessive reproaches and criticism from parents leave a woman with the belief that everything she does is wrong. Trying to please her parents and get their praise, she tries to earn their love and recognition by paying attention to their reactions and moods. We remember that the type of misogynist man I described controls the victim precisely with the help of mood and words.

A consultation with a family psychologist will help you get rid of the feelings of guilt, fear, and pity that have been ingrained in your subconscious since childhood. It's hard to deal with feelings on your own. With emotions and personal psychological trauma It is better to work under the guidance of a family psychologist.

How to tell if a misogynistic man is next to you

Ask yourself questions:

Are you accountable to a man for your behavior? How often does he control your life?

Do you give up your favorite activities and meetings with friends so as not to upset your man?

Does your man value your opinion, successes, feelings?

Does a man yell at you when you don't please him?

Are you wondering what to say without getting angry?

Does your man often change his mood and it throws you off track?

Are you familiar with the state of confusion and shock around him?

Does his jealousy bother you, and do you feel like he owns you?

Does a man blame you for all his problems?

If you answered “yes” to many questions, then there is a misogynist man next to you.

Be happy and don't be offended. If you need advice from a family psychologist, sign up for an in-person consultation.

Kalugina Natalia Igorevna

What is psychological violence? This is pressure on a person in order to humiliate and destroy him morally. It’s especially scary when this happens in a family. Who needs this and why, and most importantly, how to get rid of psychological violence, read below.

Definition

What is psychological violence? This is a form of bullying when the tyrant daily lowers his victim's self-esteem, criticizes him and controls his every move. Most often, wives are subjected to psychological violence from their husbands, but it also happens the other way around. In this way, men try to assert themselves and feel more masculine. Physical and psychological abuse often go hand in hand.

Species

  • Imposing your own opinion. The tyrant tries to completely take possession of the soul of his victim. He inspires her with his own statements, and does it so cleverly and veiledly that it would never even occur to anyone that a suggestion had been made. In some ways, this type of psychological violence is similar to hypnosis.
  • Disregard for other people's opinions. This type of psychological violence can be seen as selfishness. The person does not want to help around the house, go to the store or to work. The tyrant sits on the victim's shoulders and dangles his legs.
  • Another type of psychological violence is criticism. The tyrant's eternal discontent may be unfounded. For example, a person may cling to the mess in the house, and immediately after general cleaning.
  • Blackmail. The tyrant tells the victim that if she does not comply with his demands, he will leave the family or use physical violence.
  • Control. Surveillance and reporting requests are signs that you are living with a tyrant. None normal person will not require you to tell you minute by minute how your day went.

over children

Domestic psychological violence is very often committed by parents against their children. And young creatures cannot even understand that something is going wrong. They have nothing to compare with. They sincerely think that in all families, parents treat their children poorly, demand too much and constantly humiliate them. Psychological violence against children is most often practiced by weak and downtrodden parents. No one from the outside would even think that this person could belittle his child. Everyone wants to be loved and respected. And, if a person is underestimated at work, and he does not want to spoil the relationship with his significant other, then the anger will take out on the child.

Children may suffer from psychological abuse from overactive parents. Adults can take their child to all the clubs, decide for the child what to do, where to go and what to wear, as well as what and where to say. And it seems normal when we're talking about about a 3-year-old child, but if a 10-year-old teenager finds himself in this situation, then we can safely say that something is going wrong.

Over my wife

Most often, men play the role of tyrants. They commit psychological violence against children and wives. How does this manifest itself? The man controls the family. Neither a child nor a woman can leave the house without permission. If a wife can go somewhere, she can only go with her man. The victim has no personal property at all. Accounts in social networks The couple has common things, so you can’t lock your phone. In such a situation, it is difficult to remain yourself, and the tyrant takes advantage of this. He inspires the victim with the idea that home is good and safe, and this is where he needs to stay. In this way, any opinions can be instilled, and the victim will consider them his own.

A man can humiliate a woman, tell her that she is scary, stupid, and has no talents. In this way, the tyrant rises in his own eyes, because his victim considers him smart and handsome.

Above my husband

Psychological violence in the family is, unfortunately, a common practice. Women who cannot self-actualize try to increase their self-esteem at the expense of others. They marry henpecked men and play with them as they please. How does psychological violence manifest itself in women? In reproaches and threats. A woman is always dissatisfied that her husband earns little, goes to visit friends or spends too much time in the garage. A wife can make scandals every day, break dishes and use various manipulations.

Why don’t men leave the family in this case? A tyrant can inspire her victim that all women are the same, and she is an angel in the flesh. And the man is to blame for all the scandals, because he is bad, inattentive and uncaring. A man can sincerely believe in this and even experience remorse, which is completely unjustified.

Above parents

Psychological violence in the family can also come from children. Any child is good at manipulation. Some parents can recognize them, others cannot. If the child is late and very desirable, the mother may dote on him and fulfill his every demand. And sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. Parents have to spend their last money on buying an expensive toy, otherwise the child will throw a scandal, refuse to eat, or deliberately give bad marks. Teenagers often manipulate their parents by telling them that if their wishes are not met, they may commit suicide or leave home.

Psychological violence against children can sometimes be very severe. If a child is spoiled, then he will grow up to be an egoist who will not, in general, take into account his parents. For example, he will take a pension from his elderly parents and spend it on entertainment, going to a club, and even on drugs.

How to recognize psychological abuse at an early stage

It is difficult to understand at first glance whether a person is a tyrant or not. When starting an affair, people can fall in love and put on rose-colored glasses. Any sins of your soulmate will be forgiven. Total control will be perceived as caring. Psychological violence against a lover begins only after the wedding. Tyrants believe that a stamp in a passport allows them to perform any action with their victim.

How can you avoid falling into the hands of a villain? You must always be aware of the actions of others. If a person doesn't give you free space- this should be the first a wake-up call. If criticism comes to you too often, and sometimes it is inadequate, this should also be a signal to escape. It is worth understanding that people do not change after marriage. You can only get to know a person better by living with him for some time. Therefore, there is no need to rush things. As they say: trust, but verify.

If in the early stages of a relationship a person demands that you choose between him and your friends, that should tell you something. Normal people will not restrict freedom of communication. If a person justifies his reluctance to communicate with your friends by saying that they are stupid and there is nothing to talk to them about, then it is worth parting with the tyrant, and not the close people who love and support you.

You should not build a relationship with someone who is selfish and arrogant. Make sure that your significant other knows how to do noble deeds and does not expect rewards or other honors for them.

How to pacify an offender

A victim of psychological violence should not play by the rules established by the tyrant. If your husband criticizes you, you should not take his words for granted. You should think about whether he is right and ask the man to argue his position. You need to be able to distinguish real criticism from the desire to lower someone else's self-esteem.

If your lover is trying to control you, you need to loosen your iron grip. You should explain to her that you should have your own space and there is nothing wrong with spending time apart.

If baseless scandals occur in a family every day, you need to find a reason for them. There is no need to eliminate the investigation. Perhaps your significant other wants to hint at something, but is veiling it too much true goal. Try to ask directly what she or he needs, and if the desire is adequate, then it is worth fulfilling it.

It's difficult to live with a person who doesn't care about anything. But people marry by mutual consent. Therefore, if feelings have cooled down and your significant other is ignoring you, you need to bring more romance into the relationship. You should spend more time together and find a joint hobby. Any relationship is built on positive memories. If there are not very many of them, then it’s time to create them. Get busy active species sports This could be something ordinary, such as skiing, or something less trivial, such as horse riding. Tourism is another way to build relationships. After all, when going on a hike, people are forced to spend a lot of time together. Moreover, in extreme situations we have to support each other both physically and mentally. For example, you can go kayaking on the river, or just go fishing with friends for a week.

How to help someone who is being bullied

The victim of violence, first of all, must understand for herself what situation she is in. If your friend lives with a tyrant, but does not suspect it, you should open her eyes. We need to tell you that not all men belittle their lovers. After all, why are families created? So that people can enjoy each other's company and not be afraid to go home. It is not curtains or expensive furniture that creates coziness in an apartment. A good atmosphere is maintained by love.

A woman who is afraid of her husband should know that there is no shame in asking for help. Psychological violence is dangerous because it can drive a person crazy or lead him to suicide. The woman who got into difficult situation, it's my own fault. If a man puts pressure on her morally, it means she allows him to do it. Divorce will not be the best option. First you need to change yourself, and only then demand good treatment from others. After all, tyrants choose weak-spirited individuals as victims. You should become strong and confident. Yes, the tyrant in this situation will resist, but his own destiny is at stake, and one should live in pleasure. There is no need to be afraid of what people will say about you.

If in difficult situation A man has suffered psychological abuse, his friends need to help him. You should raise the person’s self-esteem, perhaps invite him to undergo psychological training on leadership. Women love strong men. Most likely, the wife will even be only glad when her husband takes the burden of responsibility into his own hands and definitely takes off his iron fists.

What to do as a preventive measure

There are different types of psychological violence, and accordingly, the same countermeasures should not be applied to them. But it is still better not to solve problems, rather than create them. How can you prevent a loved one from becoming a tyrant? Should always be left in people's lives free space. Don't be afraid that someone better than you might take it. Such a thought does not occur to a person with high self-esteem. If a person wants to cheat on you, he will find a way, even if you follow him. To prevent this, you should maintain romance in the relationship. Give flowers, have romantic dinners, spend time together, go to the cinema and skating rink. You can think of a lot of ways to bring into a relationship thrill without resorting to jealousy and betrayal.

To prevent a person from trying to assert himself at your expense, always maintain his self-esteem. high level. Not only girls love compliments, remember this. Men also want to know that they are wonderful and that their significant other loves them no matter what. You should respect the friends of your chosen one, because these are his close people. And, even if you don’t like them, try to reconcile with them. Under no circumstances should you insult the parents of your loved one. After all, relatives are support and support, you should understand this.

And the main thing that many people forget is that you should talk. Do not accumulate resentments, because otherwise they can break out in any slight disagreement. Solve problems as they arise. If you don't like something about your chosen one, don't hesitate to let them know. A person does not always see his own shortcomings, so an outside opinion can only be beneficial.

Or maybe he should leave?

Victims of psychological violence often ask this question, but cannot decide to take a responsible step. As stated above, and for good reason. After all, as you know, you can’t run away from yourself. You should understand that people treat you the way you allow them to. A person with low self-esteem may cry into his pillow over his difficult fate, but will do absolutely nothing to alleviate his fate. It’s worth thinking about, perhaps you were pushed around before marriage. Or maybe the problem comes from childhood? It often happens that a girl whose family was a tyrant believes that all men behave the same. In this case, she will simply force her chosen one to command her and belittle her dignity. You should have a good understanding of your feelings and understand where they come from. If you are not satisfied with something, change, no one will judge you.

Of course, there are situations when the victim is not to blame for anything, and she is tyrannized for no reason. In this case, it is simply necessary to leave. Why endure bullying? Yes, the tyrant will not want to simply part with you. He will sing songs about how he will definitely change, but he needs to be given the 150th chance. Remember, people don't change unless they have a good reason to do so. So walk away with your head held high and don't look back.

What to do if the tyrant does not want to stop communicating even after breaking up? He can call, come to your parents and cry to them. Don't believe it. Time changes people, but not in a month, and sometimes even a year is not enough. You can offer the tyrant friendship, but nothing more. Value yourself, your time and your life.

Unfortunately, problems often arise in families that cannot be resolved without the intervention of the court or the police. These are not only divorces and problems with alimony, but also cases of physical and psychological violence in the family.

Types of domestic violence

In general, it is usually divided into three types:

  • Physical. Most often found on the part of the father of the family - he can cause bodily harm to his wife and children. There are outbreaks of aggression on the part of the mother or adult children.
  • Sexual violence is any forced action of a sexual nature.
  • Psychological violence is moral pressure on relatives. It is this third type that will be discussed in more detail in this article.

Psychological (moral) violence leads to serious emotional trauma and mental disorders - depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, stress and so on. Typically, this type of violence is characteristic of individuals who want to assert themselves at the expense of others; they enjoy the process of humiliating more weak people. Also, such people often suffer mental illness- for example, personality disorder, schizophrenia, paranoia and so on.

What is considered psychological domestic violence?

Psychological violence includes: constant criticism, attempts to humiliate or ridicule a person, intimidation, blackmail, restriction of freedom, isolation from communication with the outside world. This type of violence generally falls into three main categories:

  1. Aggression is unfair statements made with the aim of insulting a person, causing a response or resentment.
  2. Dominance is the abuse of certain power: for example, imposing restrictions on communication with other people - friends, relatives.
  3. Jealousy - for example, accusing or suspecting a spouse of cheating, spying on him. This type is often relevant as psychological violence against a woman in the family, which is also complemented by physical impact.

The first two types of violence are much easier to prove and punish the perpetrator, but the third is quite vague - the offender can receive punishment if his actions are confirmed by a visible result. Also, a single manifestation is not enough - to call a person’s actions psychological violence, it is necessary that they be regular, and not in an isolated case (although for the first two types, once is enough).

What could be the causes of psychological violence in the family?

  • Alcoholism, drug addiction, mental disorders, jealousy.
  • The aggressor grew up in a similar environment and does not know how to behave differently.
  • A person takes out anger or resentment on defenseless relatives.

So, for those who are victims of psychological violence, it is not so easy to prove the guilt of their offender, because the “traces” of such treatment are invisible at first glance.

How to prove the fact of psychological bullying

However, there are still several options that will help substantiate the complaint. Here are some of them:

  1. Doctor's report. A psychologist can determine that family members have developed certain psychological problems- fears, resentments, low self-esteem and so on - and all this as a consequence of mistreatment by a relative. This method is especially relevant for children. This way, a school psychologist can immediately determine whether there is psychological violence among children in the family or whether everything is fine.
  2. Recorded moment of violence. You can audiotape your spouse/parent's systematic aggressive attacks. Most best option- if there is evidence in video format, it will be more specific.
  3. Witnesses. If your neighbors, friends, acquaintances have repeatedly witnessed scenes of psychological violence, they will be able to help you bring the offender to justice.
  4. Sometimes aggressors themselves admit that they emotionally oppress their loved ones. This usually happens when a person is sick, realizes his guilt and tries to improve.

So, if you have collected at least a little evidence, it’s time to contact the police to get protection from psychological violence. To do this, you need to fill out an application in which you should indicate information about yourself and the aggressor, describe the situation and attach evidence. After registering a statement, your case will be reviewed and the offender will be brought to justice.

Victims of psychological violence also have the right to file a lawsuit for compensation for moral damage. Statement of claim You can submit it yourself, or you can ask for help. However, it is important to know that such cases rarely go to court, so judicial practice there wasn't much in this area.

Responsibility for family psychological violence

For psychological violence you can be punished like:

  1. Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Art. 119 - threats.
  • up to 480 hours of compulsory work;
  • up to 2 years of forced labor;
  • up to 6 months of arrest;
  • up to 2 years of restriction of freedom;
  • up to 2 years of imprisonment.
  1. Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Art. 130 is an insult.
  • a fine of up to 40,000 or three months’ salary;
  • compulsory work - up to 120 hours;
  • forced labor - up to 6 months;
  • restriction of freedom - up to a year.
  1. Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Art. 128 - slander.
  • a fine of up to 500,000 rubles or 6 months’ salary;
  • compulsory work - up to 160 hours.
  1. Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Art. 110 - incitement to suicide.
  • forced labor - up to 5 years;
  • deprivation of the right to hold certain positions - up to 10 years;
  • imprisonment - up to 15 years.

Despite the prevalence of domestic psychological violence, it is possible to protect yourself. If you are experiencing psychological violence in the family, do not endure it - contact law enforcement now, before serious emotional trauma is caused to you and the rest of the family.

After you collect evidence and submit a statement, one of the articles of the criminal code may be applied to the offender Russian Federation, as a result of which he will suffer a well-deserved punishment.

By publication Klyotsina I. S."Psychological violence in gender interpersonal relationships: essence, causes and consequences" (Department of Human Psychology, Russian State Pedagogical University named after A. I. Herzen)

In ordinary consciousness, the phenomenon of violence is identified, as a rule, with aggressive actions, including the use physical strength. However, in a situation of violence as a type aggressive behavior, the purpose of which is to cause harm to another person, along with actions of a physical nature, there are also types of violence such as sexual, economic, and psychological.

Psychological violence is an influence aimed at loved one in order to establish their power over him. To achieve this, the following tools are systematically used:

Reproaches and abuse;
disdainful attitude;
intimidation;
insults and ridicule;
control over activities, daily routine, social circle;
coercion to perform humiliating acts.

Psychological violence is violence that consists of influencing a person’s psyche through intimidation and threats in order to break the victim’s will to resist, to defend their rights and interests. In addition to the term “psychological violence” in the scientific literature, one can also find such similar concepts as “ psychological aggression " And " emotional abuse».


Psychological abuse is present in almost all other cases of domestic violence, but it is difficult to diagnose. If all other forms of violence are easily identified because they have clear physiological consequences, That obvious signs The psychological effects are rarely visible, and the consequences can be extremely severe. The breadth and sophistication of forms of psychological violence makes their classification much more difficult. In addition, psychological violence quite often occurs not on its own, but together with other types of violence.

Indicators of the existence of psychological violence in relationships between men and women are often experienced by one of the partners in the process of communication, such as: tension, anxiety, self-doubt, powerlessness, dependence, hopelessness, guilt, fear, powerlessness, inferiority.

Forms of manifestation of psychological violence

In terms of its semantic content, psychological violence corresponds to the following: methods of psychological influence:

Explicit or direct dominance
- manipulation.

Domination- this is treating another person as a thing or a means of achieving one’s goals, ignoring his interests and intentions. The desire to possess, control, gain unlimited unilateral advantage. Open, without disguise, imperative influence - from violence, suppression to suggestion, order.

In this case, one subject of the relationship encourages the other to submit to himself and accept goals that are not consistent with his own aspirations and desires. A dominant position includes such manifestations of behavior as: self-confidence, independence, authority, demonstration of one’s own importance, and the ability to insist on one’s own. Such a person strives for competition, has contempt for weakness and expresses the need for strength for its own sake. In communication, he rarely supports his interlocutor, as a rule, uses an instrumental style of verbal communication, often ignores the interlocutor’s point of view, strives to find understanding only of his own problems, belittles the importance of his partner (for example: “You are talking nonsense!”), listens inattentively, and rushes to give him advice , evaluate his actions, encourages immediate and rash action.

Comparison of the characteristics of relationships in families of dominant-dependent and partner types

Dominant-dependent model of family relationships:
- uneven distribution of power, abuse of power;
- leadership that is based on strength;
- rigidity and rigidity of playing roles in the family;
- polytypical family responsibilities, segregation of interests of family members;
- destructive way of resolving conflicts;
- failures and mistakes are hidden, condemned, subject to obstruction, and often remembered;
- lack of respect for personal affairs, intimate aspects of life, total controllability of behavior;
- feelings of insecurity, loneliness, guilt, anxiety and depression;
- closedness family life, isolation from society;
- raising children in conditions of hypercontrol and subordination.

Partnership model of family relationships:
- cooperative option for using power;
- leadership based on authority;
- interchangeability of roles in the family;
- flexible distribution of family responsibilities and activities;
- a constructive way to resolve conflicts;
- failures and mistakes are not hidden, discussed without reproach, forgiven, forgotten;
- respect for personal affairs, intimate aspects of life, without encroaching on the individual sphere of life without permission;
- perception of the family as a safe haven, where self-confidence is acquired, doubts and anxiety disappear, and mood improves;
- openness of family life to society;
- education in conditions of expanding the child’s autonomy, his full participation in making collective decisions and self-expression.

In families of the dominant-dependent type, facts of psychological violence become the norm. Often in such families it is the man who plays the role of head of the family. He “takes care” of his wife, makes decisions and has the right to use force to punish his partner, who, in his opinion, does not behave as expected. In accordance with these views, women are assigned a passive role in the life support of the family. She is instilled with the idea that responsibility for all domestic troubles lies with her: if the wife were more flexible, everything would be in order, they point out that the wife should be able to please her husband, because... “There are no bad husbands, but only bad wives.”

Relationships in which violence is present are characterized by the following manifestations: the victim’s fear of the partner’s mood; fear of making decisions on your own so as not to anger your partner; feelings of depression and unhappiness, frequent tears of the victim; humiliating the victim in front of friends or family.

In a partnership type relationship, the other person is perceived as an equal subject who has the right to be who he is.

Another method of psychological influence in which psychological violence plays a large role is the phenomenon of manipulation in interpersonal relationships. If, during dominance, violence manifests itself in open form, then during manipulation violence is not expressed explicitly, it exists in a hidden, veiled form.

Manipulation– a type of psychological influence in which one participant (the manipulator) deliberately and covertly encourages another (the recipient of the manipulation) to make decisions, take actions and experience the emotions necessary for the manipulator to achieve his own goals. In manipulation, as in the case of dominance, one of the partners (manipulator or suppressor) subordinates the feelings and actions of the other partner to his goals, plans and desires. The other partner seems to voluntarily, without apparent coercion, perform certain actions and deeds, however psychological states, experienced by him, are close to the feelings and emotions experienced in situations of psychological dominance. These are such states as: state of anxiety; feeling of humiliation and resentment; the feeling of being controlled and used, i.e. treated you like a thing.

The secrecy of manipulative influence is ensured by the use of such psychological techniques (tricks) like:

Own exaltation or self-praise, which is an indirect method of belittling a partner;
unbalancing a partner; for this, ridicule and unfair accusations are used, and when the partner “flashes up,” attention is focused on his “unworthy” behavior and a feeling of guilt is produced with an urge to correct his behavior;
flattery and praise of a partner, a demonstration of the desire to please him and, as a result, the expectation of appropriate reciprocal actions;
withholding information that a person needs in order to cause him a state of nervousness, uncertainty, which leads to less thoughtful actions, etc.

The following are distinctive for manipulative influence: three signs:

Firstly, the characteristic that is invariably inherent in any manipulator is the desire to master the will of the partner A manipulator will always strive to put a person in a subordinate, dependent position. He will draw this dependence from the weaknesses of a person, i.e. his fears and worries (for example, worries about short stature in men and obesity in women), desires from which a person is not free (for example, a man’s desire for recognition and fame in accordance with the stereotype about the need for social success for a “real man” and the desire for love and well-being in family relationships among women in accordance with the stereotype about the high value of family self-realization for a “real woman”).

The second sign that distinguishes a manipulator is deception and hypocrisy in behavior. A person has a strong feeling that his partner is not telling him something, is being “obscure”, causing wariness, embarrassing ingratiation and a pronounced desire to please. Women, in order to get the behavior they want from a man, often exaggerately demonstrate their weakness, unhappiness, helplessness, inability and incompetence in any matter or issue. A manipulative technique is also common, according to which women extol the abilities and wealth of men in order to “spin” them into doing the right things and actions (for example, buying expensive gifts, paying for entertainment and trips: “If you love, prove it,” “A man must earn money, and the woman – to spend”).

The third difference between the manipulator is found in his judgments, where he will sound a call not for unification, but for separation. He will convince you to fight “for a place in the sun”, justify the need for a position of power - “the greater your strength and ability to control others, the higher you rise as the master of the position”, etc. For example, women who use psychological impact on their partners, in order to force them to make every effort to move up the career ladder, while for men this goal may not be significant.

Consequences for the individual of manifestations of psychological violence

Repeated violence leads to significant psychological distress, post-traumatic stress, depression, persistent feelings of fear, and sometimes even more serious consequences such as suicide attempts. The result of this type of violence can also be an exacerbation of chronic somatic diseases and appearance psychosomatic diseases. The short-term consequences of psychological violence are a complex of negative experiences (feelings of humiliation, resentment, guilt, fear; states of anxiety, self-doubt, dependence and lack of rights). Chronic depression, self-destructive tendencies, and difficulties functioning within marital and parental roles are all long-term consequences of psychological abuse.

Many practical psychologists and psychotherapists working with women who have suffered violence believe that the psychological consequences of domestic violence are much more serious than worries about aggression from, for example, a hooligan attack on the street.

A person subjected to systematic psychological violence develops a model of the victim’s lifestyle and forms a state of “readiness” to implement this model throughout his life. Characteristics victim's lifestyle are the following aspects:

Distortion of the self-image, blaming oneself for what is happening, decreased sense of self-worth and significance;
feelings of fear and helplessness as dominant feelings; at the same time, the world is perceived as ambiguous, uncertain and always dangerous;
openness, fragility and uncertainty of the boundaries of one’s own self, inability to identify in time various shapes violence; failure to set limits and restrictions;
deprivation basic needs(dissatisfaction of the need for love, acceptance, understanding, belonging);
pronounced desire for intimacy, emotional dependence syndrome (codependency): excessive need for love, fear of losing the object of affection, dependence, lack of confidence in oneself and in others, denial of one’s own needs;
suppression or devaluation of one’s own feelings and experiences, impaired ability to enjoy life, impaired ability to establish emotional intimacy, “affective dullness” syndrome (lack of a sense of community with other people, feeling unable to build relationships emotional attachment, rejection of oneself and others).

Causes of psychological violence

1. Personal-family model.
2. Sociocultural model.

1. Personal-family model, has several main varieties:

Theory innate instinct of aggressiveness. According to this theory, aggression and violence arise because human beings are genetically “programmed” to act in such a way.

- Psychoanalytic approach, according to which the lack of satisfaction of basic needs in early childhood manifests itself in problem behavior in adulthood. If in early age the child was constantly controlled, did not allow him to show his independence, did not satisfy his (her) need for recognition and emotional attachment, then adult life such a person will strive to dominate others, because the fear of losing a close adult partner will prompt the desire to subjugate him (her).

- Neo-behaviourist approach– “learned” incorrect behavior, in line with which there is a hypothesis about the intergenerational transmission of violence.

2. Sociocultural model and its varieties.

- Radical feminism approach. Feminist analysis of violence against women boils down to a critique of patriarchy, understood as the dominance of men over women. Male power is the main characteristic of social and interpersonal relationships in which women are suppressed. Violence against women is a consequence of male dominance in society and the family, the result of gender inequality. Psychological violence acts as a way of controlling women, keeping them in a subordinate position in accordance with the traditional system of views and ideas.

- Socialist feminism approach. The low social status of women is a reflection of the capitalist class system and the family structure that exists within that system. Socialist feminism argues that the repression of women is functional for capitalism, as it is supported by the unpaid labor of women, who also serve as a reserve force. labor force, used only when necessary. The family itself, in which the husband acts as the sole breadwinner of his wife and children, also contributes to the stabilization of capitalist society. Initially, the wife depends on her husband only economically, but soon this turns into emotional dependence and passivity. She is afraid of losing economic security, so he gains complete power over her. And men are afraid of losing their jobs, and the accumulated tension (stress and feelings of deprivation) “splash out” on their wives, trying to find a sense of inner balance.

-Gender approach. The gender approach, developed in the study of intergender relations as a criticism of traditional ideas about the need and expediency of differentiating the roles, statuses, positions of men and women in the public and private spheres of people’s lives, is focused on the analysis of systems of dominance/subordination and proclaims the idea of ​​equality of men and women in the sphere of formal and informal relationships. Neither men nor women have any reason to suppress and subjugate each other, therefore any types of violence in intergender relations are unacceptable. Relations between men and women should be built on the basis of equality of positions, parity, consideration of each other's goals and interests.

Another very significant reason domestic violence by men are difficulties of social life, i.e. life circumstances (unemployment, low earnings, low-status activities) that do not allow them to establish themselves in their traditional male role in a socially acceptable way. When a man does not live up to one aspect of the traditional male role (professional success, decent social status, material well-being), he demonstrates exaggerated masculinity in another area, thereby compensating for his inadequacy.

So, psychological violence is a very common phenomenon in interpersonal relationships between men and women. Its consequences for the individual are no less traumatic than other types of violence, for example physical. The main goal of any violence is to gain power over another person, and psychological violence in close relationships is one of the ways to gain power over a partner.

Domestic violence can be physical and psychological. And if the topic of physical violence is quite discussed, many consider psychological pressure to be relatively harmless. But, according to experts, psychological violence is more dangerous than physical violence. It cripples the soul and destroys the personality of the victim.

What is psychological violence

Having been subjected to psychological violence in the family, a woman often does not realize that she has become a victim of a tyrant husband. Psychologists define moral or psychological violence as a way of putting pressure on emotional state person, which is carried out at four levels:

  • Control of behavior: a tyrant husband completely controls his wife’s social circle, does not tolerate being late or being absent from home, and always strictly asks where she has been and with whom.
  • Thought control: prohibition on experiences and one’s own opinion, imposition of a tyrant’s attitudes.
  • Emotional control: psychological manipulation, when the tyrant’s resentment and “sincere” grief makes the victim feel guilty or obligated to do what is expected of her.
  • Information control: the husband constantly controls what his wife reads, what films and programs she watches, and what events she attends.

Unlike temporary misunderstandings or quarrels, total control and constant nagging on the part of the tyrant become the norm in relationships. IN normal situation When a conflict arises, the parties strive to resolve it. But in the case of psychological violence, the tyrant does not want to end either the conflict or the relationship, because without a victim he will not be able to assert himself and compensate for his old traumas. And the victim, in turn, more often adapts to the situation and suffers humiliation without trying to change anything.

How to recognize a tyrant partner

Manifestations of psychological violence are not always clearly expressed. But from the very beginning of a relationship, you should be wary of some factors. The first sign is that even at the very beginning the relationship is very emotional.

The second sign is the rapidity of events. Through short time the relationship becomes serious, and you already hear passionate confessions and vows. And a little later you will hear how your partner criticizes your friends, hobbies and work, actions and even knowledge. The tyrant partner begins to prepare the ground to isolate you from your usual environment and take complete control of you.

Under the guise of care and love, the tyrant will strive to control your every action and even intention. The means can be very different: from malicious ridicule to showing offence, so that you create a feeling of guilt. The partner may act as a victim himself, but this is an emotional dependence into which you are drawn. It sounds something like this: “I will give everything for you - but you will always owe me everything.”

It is sometimes difficult to distinguish psychological tyranny from real care. Psychologists advise listening to your feelings. If you constantly feel guilty towards your partner, but do not understand what exactly is wrong, this is a sure sign of psychological pressure.

The danger of psychological violence

In practice, it is often difficult for a victim of moral violence to find support. From the outside, the tyrant seems to be a sweet and caring person, but the victim cannot clearly explain what does not suit him. If the victim begins to complain and look for a way out of the situation, then her relatives usually do not understand her. The tyrant husband, in turn, begins to assure his wife that everything is fine with them, as it should be in a good family. But it’s bad for the wife because of her own selfishness, inability to be happy, or for some other reason.

The danger is that the victim loses his common sense of the situation, stops trusting his feelings and begins to think that there is really something wrong with him. At this time, the partner continues to impose a false sense of guilt in order to continue to control the situation.

What to do

Recognize the problem. Don't convince yourself that everything is fine and it's your fault. Understand that the problem is not with you, but with your partner, who raises self-esteem through such relationships and seeks to instill in you a lot of complexes and a false sense of guilt. As soon as you realize that there is a tyrant next to you, leave. The longer you endure, the more your psyche will collapse, the boundaries of your personality will completely blur and you will not have the strength left to break off the relationship.

Find support. Think about whether there is a person in your environment who can help you and support your decision in any case. He will have to act as a guarantor and ensure the “point of no return.” If you start to doubt, your friend should remind you of the reasons for your decision. Without this, it will be difficult to withstand the pressure of the tyrant and the loved ones he will pit against you.

Get back to your old self. Remember how you lived before this relationship, what you were interested in, what you believed in, with whom you communicated. Were you satisfied with life and happy then? If yes, don’t stop and don’t think twice! Limit your relationships with ex-husband, restore old connections. You need to gain strength and get your self back. The tyrant will make every attempt to get you back, do not give in to persuasion or threats. Only when you return to your personality will you be able to fully understand how you were manipulated, soberly analyze all attempts at pressure and remove the attitudes imposed by the tyrant.