The common expression that men don’t cry is not true. They cry, and the reason is not always events or upsets in real life.

This is a condition in which tears flow for any reason - both from joy and from troubles.

Normal healthy person– both men and women – react with tears to significant emotions. The pain of losing a loved one, the birth of children or grandchildren, a declaration of love, a wedding, victory in a fight - all these are reasons. When men cry at these moments, it is not tearfulness, but normal reaction on what has true everyday value.

Crying and tears are a way of natural discharge of negative or too strong positive emotions. However, such a release rarely occurs, only during strong experiences. If a man constantly has “wet eyes,” then the condition is clearly pathological and it is necessary to look for its cause.

A change in character and behavior requires attention, when a man turns from a restrained, calm and reasonable person into a real crybaby, and all this gets worse every day. Relatives should come to the rescue, prompt and push the person to see a doctor.

The most common causes of male tearfulness

There are several of them, and all are related to a specific organic damage. This:

• male menopause or decreased levels of the main male hormone testosterone;
• other violations hormonal balance associated with a decrease in the amount of testosterone;
• dysfunction of the thyroid gland;

These causes are difficult to separate from one another; they merge together to form a syndrome hormonal deficiency in men. External manifestation This deficiency is tearfulness or tearfulness.

Such disorders are typical for men from 45 to 60 years old. For those who have crossed the 60-year mark, the cause of tearfulness is most often cerebral atherosclerosis or cerebrovascular disease, most often due to poorly treated arterial hypertension. For older men, caused by impaired blood flow and metabolic processes in brain tissue. These are tears and excessive sentimentality that arise for any reason. In old age, a condition develops such as chronic ischemia brain, and it is difficult to treat.

At the first manifestations of tearfulness, it is best to examine and find out the cause of changes in the emotional state.

Insidious testosterone

This is a hormone that is produced from cholesterol in both men and women. Place of production: adrenal cortex and testicles in men, ovaries in women. The difference in the amount determined by gender is large - in men it is 6-7 mg, in women it is no more than 1 mg.

The main production of testosterone in men occurs in the testicles. The synthesis of the pituitary hormone, which is called luteinizing hormone, commands the synthesis. The production of luteinizing hormone by the pituitary gland, in turn, is controlled by the hypothalamus.

The reference point for starting and stopping synthesis is the level free testosterone in the blood. When there is little of it, synthesis begins, and when there is enough or a lot, it ends.

The main purpose of testosterone is the formation of secondary sexual characteristics: a powerful skeleton, strong muscles, low voice, hair on the body and face, natural aggressiveness. Regulation of sexual behavior and sperm synthesis is also his job.

Maximum high level Testosterone levels in men are observed up to 45-50 years of age. After 45, the ratio of hormones changes: testosterone falls, and estrogen rises. As a result, masculinity melts: the body becomes swollen, slightly enlarged mammary glands, the phenomena of benign degeneration of the prostate join, begin cardiovascular problems. During this period, many men become tearful, although they deny it.

How can you influence the level of the main male hormone?

First of all, you need to know that the amount of free testosterone in the blood varies depending on the time of year and day.

Free testosterone is a hormone that is not bound by protein and circulates in the blood.

The amount of the hormone increases with the onset of spring warmth and increasing daylight hours. The seasonal peak is in July. Then the amount decreases, reaching a minimum in mid-September. Daily fluctuations are as follows: minimum from 0 to 3 a.m., maximum from 7 to 9 a.m.

Correction of hormonal status in men is carried out by an andrologist. It all starts with determining the level of hormones in the blood plasma, and if necessary, replacement treatment is prescribed.

Hormonal status is influenced by body weight, quality and quantity of night sleep, physical activity. These points can be adjusted independently.

Signs of hormonal imbalance

If, against the backdrop of a calm life without much stress, a man develops tearfulness, you need to look for the following signs:

• insomnia and fatigue, weakness;
• rapid increase in body weight;
• enlargement and swelling mammary glands;
• decreased sexual desire, including morning erection, duration and frequency of sexual intercourse;
• formation of deep wrinkles, sagging and dry skin.

At the same time, self-esteem may decrease, the desire for self-realization and career ambitions may decrease, and the assessment of life prospects may deteriorate. Tearfulness may be accompanied by irritability and increased sweating.

If at least 2-3 of the signs listed above appear, you should not delay visiting a doctor. Laboratory diagnostics the level of hormones - testosterone, estradiol, thyroid-stimulating, luteinizing, prolactin, adrenocortitropic and others - will help to quickly clarify the disorders that persistently exist in a person.

Hormonal status is quite accessible medicinal correction. The main condition is to visit a doctor every quarter for laboratory monitoring of treatment.

Male menopause can proceed gently and calmly if you do not let things take their course. Talking to your doctor will help you understand that the average and old age has a lot of its attractive sides. Enjoying the aesthetic side of life can sometimes bring more deep and conscious joy than simple physiological processes.

Beer alcoholism

One of the common causes of tearfulness in males with low educational qualifications. Unfortunately, the constant consumption of beer in many families is not considered something pathological.

Many people don’t think about the fact that beer is, first and foremost, a high-calorie drink. 100 ml of beer contains from 30 to 65 kcal. An ordinary half-liter glass contains more than 200 kcal, and together with snacks it reaches 300-400. “Too much” calories is not the most unpleasant thing, much worse for men are phytoestrogens or hormone-like substances plant origin, stimulating the restructuring of the body according to female type. A beer belly, fading sexual feelings, flabbiness, sweating and tearfulness are direct consequences of an addiction to a foamy drink.

Stress and psychological trauma

Men experience life's troubles completely differently than women. Normally, a man is dominant right hemisphere, and this is logic and rationality. If women mourn failures in life, then men look for and find the shortest way out of a traumatic situation.

However, this rationality contains a time bomb that can break the strongest man. The danger lies in the fact that a man cannot come to terms with objective changes in reality. When faced with a situation that a man cannot change - a career problem, separation from his beloved woman, deterioration social status– reactions that are destructive to the individual arise.

Relatives and friends of men must understand that his inner world fragile as a crystal vase. If a man is whiny at home, then you should be glad that he internal tension finds a way out.

Many dangers await men when a child is born into a family. The natural switching of the focus of attention to the baby is perceived by many infantile men as an annoying circumstance and becomes the trigger for scandals and subsequent cooling.

In all cases when a previously balanced man develops tearfulness, it is advisable to consult a doctor - or a psychotherapist. If necessary, the patient is redirected to an andrologist, but this is not always required.

Men cry too, and this is the harsh truth of life. Why not, after all? They are people just like us and have the right to express emotions. But, unfortunately, some men not only cry, but also whine. If this is a one-time spleen event, then it’s nothing - how can you not console your loved one! It’s much worse when a man is upset about (Manchester flew out of the Champions League) and without (you washed his lucky white T-shirt with a red sock on the chest). This is a professional whiner in front of you, and you will have to tinker with him if he...

Our expert: ANASTASIA UMANSKAYA,
psychologist, member of the professional psychotherapeutic league.
www.anastasiya-um.livejournal.com

SUFFERING
FROM LIFE IN GENERAL Prototype: donkey Eeyore
He can be recognized by the words: “Everything is going well, but it’s passing by” and the famous “I myself am so unhappy - without gifts and without a birthday cake, and generally forgotten and abandoned.”
If I were Vitya's wife, I would walk around with earplugs. Or she regularly called a psychiatric ambulance to her house. Anyone would be driven crazy by constant complaints about the roads, the neighbors, the neighbors' dog and the rest of the world. If it rains in the morning, it’s only so that Vitya gets wet on the way to work, gets sick and dies in agony. If the sun is shining, it’s only so that Vitya gets hot, he undresses, gets sick and... Well, you understand. But recently Vitya had a girlfriend, Nina, who is laughing and optimistic. Maybe she takes antidepressants or wears plugs, I don’t know. But even Vitya began to look at life more cheerfully and now says that not everyone will die in 2012: the chosen ones will still be saved.
Psychologist's explanation: It is difficult to help such people: there are many problems, but there are no ways to solve them all. The complainer does not understand that he himself creates his own mood. Deep in his view of the world may lie an internal “ban on joy” formed in childhood. For example, if parents saw only the dark side of life, the child adopts this attitude. Trying to re-educate a complainant is a utopian endeavor. If a person is comfortable living with such a mood, but you are not, that is your problem. Vita is lucky to have a girl: laughing Nina can inspire him with her example, because she does not seek to change him, but simply lives next to him differently.

SUFFERING
FROM MANIFESTATIONS OF REALITY
Prototype: Pierrot.
He can be recognized by his look filled with adoration and the words: “Malvina, my bride, has disappeared...” and “I’m sobbing, I don’t know where to go!”
Every girl should have a romance of chivalry in her life. Not necessarily Roman, for example, I had Seryozha. He fell in love instantly and monumentally. Apparently, it was due to the fact that Seryozha was an ardent fan role playing games and every Sunday, scaring away passers-by, he marched in armor to the park to represent one of the light elves in the battles for good. And who should you dedicate your military exploits to, if not the elf? The technological 21st century oppressed Seryozha, but he dodged as best he could: he gave flowers, surrounded me with tender care. This two-meter hen constantly clucked, no matter how I caught a cold in my neck or got my feet wet. True, we never went on dates to restaurants, because princesses don’t eat. I got tired of being a goddess and ran away. Seeing me with Igor, Seryozha was not surprised. Finally he had a worthy reason to suffer. And every week he sent me finely written notebooks, where my betrayal was glorified in the most sublime terms. I realized: you can’t just get off the pedestal.
Psychologist's explanation: The reason for this attitude may be the belief that love is associated with pain. Following his internal program, a person finds a reason to suffer. Also, the basis of “chivalry” may be the idealization of a woman and the feeling of being “unworthy” next to her. Many girls like it at first. But the further you go, the less satisfying the novel brings. After all, the “knight” sees in front of him not a living person, but a sublime ideal, the destruction of which means collapse. Such relationships often occur at a distance - the closer you get to the person, the more the imaginary image diverges from life. The other extreme is when the romance develops and the “knight” becomes a domestic tyrant, trying to reshape the woman to his ideal. Happy union is possible only if both have the same needs. For example, one will change, and the other will change. But, alas, this is rare.

SUFFERING
TO MANIPULATE
Prototype: Carlson, who lives on the roof.
He can be recognized by the words: “You would be lucky if I were in your place...” and the famous “You promised that you would be my own mother, but you are busy stuffing your mouth with sweets.”
I never liked this fairy tale: Carlson flew in, flew away, and the Kid took the rap! It’s good that I had a chance to miss such a character in my life. But my neighbor Lyuda was not lucky in life. “Oh, how he looked after me,” Luda recalls. “The Motherland statue would not have been able to stand it and would have fled with him to the ends of the earth.” A man with a romantic name Valentin beautifully seduced Lyudmila. Traces of his courtship were constantly found in the entrance: either a path of rose petals to the door, or a basket of dried orchids near the garbage chute. The girl couldn't resist. The boyfriend moved in with her, and it was all over before it began. Valya was fired. “It’s good for you,” he sighed from the sofa, “you’re busy, and I have to hang around at home.” Lyudochka rushed to console him, then went to the office with three changes, and after work she ran to prepare dinner. Valya said that the blues prevented him from doing housework, otherwise he would have made such a pasta - you'll lick your fingers. Luda listened and did not notice how the mythical paste settled like noodles on her ears. But one day, when Valya was recovering in a bubble bath, Lyuda returned home early and looked at the computer. On the email page Valya opened, an unfamiliar girl showed off her breasts and asked “Cupid Valentin” when they could meet in real life. “I prescribed him an antidepressant right on the spot,” Lyuda proudly shares and nods to the family cast-iron frying pan. I think the Motherland would be proud of her.
Psychologist's explanation: Everyone manipulates loved ones, but more often unconsciously. Having once seen that the method works, a person repeats attempts to achieve his goal in this way. Another thing is that the manipulator needs an object. The only way struggle - do not succumb to provocations. It is important to understand what is behind this behavior. Maybe a need for care or recognition?

SUFFERING
BECAUSE HE'S A GENIUS
Prototype: L. Tolstoy, S. Yesenin, A. Pushkin and many others.
He can be recognized by the words: “The muse has left me” and by the famous “I am languishing, I am dying, my fiery soul is extinguished.”
To tolerate a genius, you need to be at least Sofia Andreevna. The husband, in anguish, either gets ready to walk to America, or calls her “crazy,” and she responds meekly: “Poor Levochka.” Holy! My friend Anya followed in the footsteps of Countess Tolstoy, unable to resist the greatness of a potential genius. By the time he met the girl, the writer Igor had published two books about the life of aliens and was actively creating a third. He had neither the energy nor the time for courtship, so the second date ended with Anya moving to the genius. Igor had a unique talent for creating chaos around himself, constantly demanding attention and moping due to the lack of a muse. “You see, I need inspiration,” he explained to Anya, gathering with friends at nightclub. “Pushkin also constantly flirted with other women.” Anya didn’t dare remind her that Pushkin ended badly. But in the end, she could not stand the torment of her beloved and threatened to leave. Igor was afraid of the collapse of an established way of life and agreed to treat crises by other means. Now they are looking for inspiration in Indian ashrams, and Igor is going to write a new novel about yogis.
Psychologist's explanation: Genius is a rarity, and his companion really has to devote her whole life to him. More often there are creative people who are prone to mood swings. It is difficult to find support in such men. They strive for the type of relationship where the beloved replaces the mother. Often these families remain childless, because they already have one “child”. Basic method psychological work with such people - help them realize that they themselves are responsible for their mood. Although in the case of Igor, Anya achieved the effect by demonstrating to her lover possible consequences his behavior.
P.S. It also happens that, due to personal cataclysms, a man who yesterday was riding a cart around the supermarket cheerfully shouting “Get out, you little bastards!” today sadly wanders around the house and asks how the word “will” is spelled. “We are raised to believe that a man’s failure attracts more attention than a woman’s. In times of crisis, a man really needs faith in his strength,” says Anastasia Umanskaya. “But people understand support differently. Before you rush to save your loved one, ask him: “What can I do for you?” And on my own behalf I will say that girls’ joys such as a good comedy, a massage and meeting with friends help men too. The main thing is not to overdo it with wine and advice and remember that the phrase “You have problems, do you want to talk about them?” It sounds good only in cheap TV series. A simple confession will have a much greater effect: “You are the best, I love you!”

A crying man is a rather rare phenomenon, and tears still remain a purely female prerogative. If in movies we are already accustomed to seeing tears in the eyes of such courageous actors as Michael Fassbender, in life we ​​are still not quite ready for such male reactions. After all, the same film industry has been telling us for years that strong men do not cry, but look for a way out and fight to the end.

It’s hard to imagine that James Bond, getting into yet another scrape, would helplessly hang his head and burst into bitter tears. The most he can afford is a “stingy man’s tear,” but in general we expect him to grit his teeth and swallow the pain. Is this why such “impenetrable” men are prone to alcohol addiction and feel completely alone? But this is a woman’s view of the situation, because we are used to the fact that when we cry, it becomes easier for us. Male psychology structured differently, the best behavioral strategy for them is to find rational decision, blocking access to emotions. In this article you will find answers to why you shouldn’t encourage your husband to “cry it out” and “not keep everything to yourself,” as well as how to help a loved one cope with the surging emotions. After all, when a man cries, it is already serious and at this moment you need to provide him with all possible support.

The limits of misunderstanding

The difference in behavior between men and women truly comes into its own when it comes to emotional reactions on stressful situations. If the boss yells at us, he will betray us best friend If your purse is stolen, we, without thinking twice, will burst into life-saving tears. Afterwards we will call all our girlfriends and complain about what happened, savoring the details. A man in a similar situation will withdraw into himself and try to resolve the issue: he will develop a plan to take revenge on his boss, he will hit his ex-friend, he will write a statement to the police. When things are difficult for him, he withdraws into himself and becomes aloof. If he has difficulties at work, he withdraws into himself and solves the problems in his head.

What to do? Your task during this period is to support him, be there and not demand that he “talk about it.” Don't take his coldness and detachment personally: his brain is designed in such a way that while he solves a problem, his emotional centers are blocked.

Spectrum of feelings

Every person, regardless of gender, has a male and a female part. But due to the peculiarities of our upbringing, we get used to suppressing the traits inherent in the opposite sex. Thus, girls are taught to be modest and forbidden to openly show strength, and boys are scolded for showing weakness and with early years They teach “not to be a slob.” But we have the opportunity to be both strong and weak; another question is whether we manage to realize the potential inherent in us. Men can be roughly divided into following types, depending on whether they allow their feminine part of the soul to manifest or not.

iron man

Men of this type consider themselves to be those who never cry, don’t dance, don’t wear pink things, and generally don’t do anything that could cast a shadow of commitment to a non-traditional orientation on them. They don't accept theirs so much female part that any of its manifestations cause them to fear losing their masculinity. That is why their ban on tears is so strict. “If I cry, I’m a weakling and no longer a man” – this is approximately what their unconscious attitude sounds like. That is why, even having lost loved ones, having experienced a strong shock, they simply cannot cry, otherwise their world will collapse.

Strong man

This type is the most acceptable in society. In principle, tears in his eyes are rare, but if something sad, tragic or terrible happens, he will allow himself to show such weakness as tears. Although allowing himself to cry and admit his pain requires some courage from him.

Eternal romantic

Relatively new type, which appeared at a time when the demand for vulnerable and open men increased among women. They have replaced the brutal supermen and take on their sensitive nature, capable of being moved at the sight of beautiful sunset. “I’m so sincere, so open, I’m not afraid to show my feelings!” - he seems to be telling you. It may well be that this is just a ploy, because, as we discussed earlier, it is not common for men to open up when they feel vulnerable.

At peace with myself

Having established a connection with his feminine side, such a man can allow himself to express his feelings through tears. This does not mean that only gay men cry here. After all, only a holistic personality can accept their feminine side. Therefore, if you and your husband go to the cinema and he can cry at the moment that hooked him, he has established such contact.

Feedback

In fact, men do not like women's tears, they frighten them, they do not know what to do, and they are faced with their inability to fix something. How do we react to men’s tears, do they scare us? And what will you do if in response to your call, “Don’t keep everything to yourself, cry!” your chosen one suddenly bursts into tears? Here are the most common female reactions:

Fear

"What to do? If he is already crying, it means something terrible has happened. Nothing can be fixed. He’s exhausted” - approximately these associations come to the fore if your partner suddenly bursts into tears for the first time in five years of relationship. This reaction goes back a long way, for example, dad cried at your grandfather’s funeral or when he left you and your mom for another woman. In this case, men's tears are a signal of something terrible that will no longer be the same as before.

Disgust and anger

You want to break off relations with him, but instead of courageously taking the blow, he cries like a girl. Such emotions indicate that you unconsciously blame yourself and do not want to face the fact that you hurt another person. At this moment disgust appears defensive reaction, to once again confirm that you did the right thing by leaving such a whiner. Needless to say, this is often just an excuse for yourself?

Sadness and hope

You love this person, it hurts you that he feels so bad that he cries. This is his moment complete powerlessness when he really doesn't understand what to do next. But you can count on the tears being just a manifestation of momentary weakness and he will find a way out of the situation with renewed vigor.

There is a time for everything

We are not yet ready to accept a man who cries just like a woman. The stereotype that tears are a sign of weakness is quite firmly rooted in our heads, and it takes time to get rid of it. The more tolerant a society is, the more calmly men’s tears are accepted there. Therefore, first of all, we must strive to understand that men do not have to wear a mask of omnipotence and invulnerability. Then they won't need a special time and place to cry, such as a therapist's office or a dark movie theater. Or maybe there will be signs saying “A place for men’s tears”? With our help, it will become easier for men to express their feelings if we learn to cope with their tears. Then they definitely won’t have to keep their emotions inside themselves.

Ivetta decided to ask famous Ukrainian men, is it permissible stronger sex cry and in what cases they themselves do not hide their tears.

Andrey Domansky, presenter of the Inter TV channel

When does a man cry? I know for sure from my experience: when cutting an onion! Or when chef Andrei Dromov, my co-host in the “Cooking at Once” program, steps on his foot on air - that’s two. He doesn’t do this out of malice, but he can’t help but burst into tears! If the onion doesn’t hurt my eyes and Dromov doesn’t step on my foot, music can unsettle me and make my old eyes tear up. Or anything related to children. When I watch how my children of all ages are fussing over each other, it begins to touch me like an old man.

Andrey Kishe, singer, showman

Men should cry with joy. But in general, men's tears need a reason. We all have to lose loved ones, and such factors make even strong men. An outburst of emotions is sometimes forgivable. But it’s better to cry with joy for your family and children. I cry extremely rarely, but when loved ones leave, you give away a part of yourself, and the tears go away.

Vlad Yama, choreographer, jury member of the talent show “Everybody Dance!” (STB)

It seems to me that both men and women should not try too hard to constantly hide their feelings. We all experience emotions, and it is completely normal to show them to others. So I don’t see anything wrong with men’s tears - this is a completely natural manifestation of feelings. I won’t say that I cry often; I don’t even remember when and for what reason I cried for the last time. But sometimes tears come to my eyes. For example, I can be touched by a talented dance. This year at “Everybody Dance!” I often saw that the participants did not just perform a set of dance movements, but in an adult, thoughtful way they told a whole story. If the production carries a certain message and is also performed with talent, it definitely evokes emotions, including tears. In such cases, it seems to me that it is pointless to pretend that nothing bothers you, making excuses by saying that you are a man.

Photo: press service of TV channels “Inter” and STB, Facebook

Oddly enough, men cry too. What exactly is so strange about this? After all, men are people too and they tend to express their emotions. in various ways, including tears.

Dear ladies, have you ever wondered: “Why does a man cry?” Often women are sure that a man has no right to tears and only a woman is capable of worrying about the illness of her children or empathizing with other people. Have you ever wondered what a man feels like at these moments? How strong are his feelings and how difficult is it for him to keep everything to himself? That is why today we will talk about men's tears, which are often not so easy to see.

Do men cry?

Many women believe that if a man sheds a tear, it means he is a wuss. However, there are moments in a man’s life in which it is simply impossible to contain all the bitterness of what is happening around him. And in this case, the man’s tears show his strength. Only the strong cry, the weak are afraid of everyone’s opinion and therefore keep everything to themselves. It is for this reason that many men die from heart attacks in later life. Nervous system The emotions accumulated over many years cannot stand it, gradually tearing the heart into pieces and corroding the soul, but even then the man does not show his tears, considering that such behavior is beneath his dignity.

Tears don't suit men

Only the strongest experience can make a man shed a stingy tear or cry bitterly. The most terrible tragedy that makes a man cry is death. loved one. During this period, all worries fall on men's shoulders, and it is very difficult to bear such a burden. difficult task. However, the man remains adamant to life. And only when everything ends, a lion’s roar breaks out from within and the man sheds a tear from understanding the situation and hopelessness.

Another reason for men's tears is separation from the woman they love. The man cannot correct the situation and he no longer has the strength to fight, he does not see a way out of the situation and because of the surging emotions he begins to cry. Often women perceive this as weakness and leave them, thereby stabbing them directly in the heart.

A man cries only when his soul is overwhelmed with emotions. Never humiliate a man who decided to cry in front of you. Men's tears are different from women's - they are always sincere. And if a man cries in front of you, rest assured that he has opened up to you completely and that means a lot to him.