God! Where is he? I should have returned home half an hour ago! Didn't call, didn't warn. That's it!.. Something happened.

The heart shrinks, tears flow from the eyes, and the imagination helpfully draws scenes one more terrible than the other. Uncontrollable anxiety - constant worry for any reason, even the most insignificant, every time it covers us with a wave of fear and ruins the lives of us and our loved ones. Intellectually, we basically understand that everything will be fine, but we can’t help ourselves. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help you find out how to get rid of anxiety.

When anxiety gets in the way of life

In certain circumstances, we all feel a sense of anxiety and concern for loved ones. This is normal when there are real reasons - a serious illness, important events or life troubles. Once the reasons go away, we can easily get rid of anxiety and fears.

But what to do if there is no justified reason, and anxiety arises, and suddenly, out of nowhere. This state fills everything. We cannot think and communicate adequately, we cannot sleep and eat. Horrible scenarios appear in our heads as terrible images of misfortunes, disasters involving loved ones.

Anxiety and fear become our constant companions, poisoning the lives of not only us, but also the people about whom we worry. We try to somehow relieve stress - we try to get to the bottom of the cause of anxiety, we persuade ourselves not to worry, but to hope for the best. In general, we do everything to relieve anxiety and get rid of it forever, including visiting doctors and taking medications.

But nothing helps. The feeling of fear and anxiety comes from somewhere within, and we cannot do anything about it. Our nerves cannot withstand the constant stress created by our fantasies . We feel like we are completely losing control of our lives. Due to unreasonable anxiety states, we begin to live in a fictional reality, similar to horror films. Is it possible to get rid of this nightmare? Yes. So, everything in order...

Systematic substantiation of anxiety and its causes

In order to get rid of constant anxiety and related bad conditions First of all, you need to know what anxiety is. In the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan there is such a concept - a feeling of security and safety, which is vital for every person from childhood to old age. So, anxiety and its inherent fears are one of the forms of loss of a sense of security.

No matter what scenario our anxiety develops in, it is always associated with the presence of certain vectors - properties and qualities that we inherit from birth. For the owner of the anal vector, the super value is family - children, parents, spouses. He is terribly afraid that a tragedy will happen to them - someone will die, get sick or get into a disaster. This fear of losing one of the family members, of being left alone - even hypothetically, in fantasy - is the cause of constant uncontrollable anxiety. It is very difficult to get rid of such anxiety.

If a person, in addition to the anal vector, also has a visual one, then in order to feel protected and safe, he needs a strong emotional connection. When the owner of the visual vector is able to sincerely sympathize and empathize with his loved ones, the feeling causeless anxiety does not arise. He brings his emotions out - from fear for himself to love and compassion for other people.

But if such development does not occur, then the owner of the visual vector experiences such strong fear for yourself and your future, which begins to demand attention from others. Such people fantasize a lot and become very worried if they feel that no one loves them. They begin to pester loved ones with questions, demanding confirmation of their feelings.

Another option is overprotection. If there is no opportunity to realize one’s abilities and knowledge in society, then close people become the only object of their application. Parents are ready to “strangle” the child with their love, not letting them out of their influence for a minute. They are trying to emotionally tie him to themselves, coming up with more and more new rules that he must follow - arriving exactly on time, calling a hundred times a day and reporting where he is and what’s wrong with him.

Guardianship often develops into manipulation of a loved one. Anxiety in such cases can not only be a painful condition, but also turn into emotional blackmail.

Temporary relief and a feeling of calm occur in those short moments when everything goes according to the prescribed scenario, and those around you follow the established rules. However, practice shows that over time, close people begin to violate the established order and get rid of influence and guardianship. Then with new strength the feeling of fear and anxiety for your future returns.

All of these cases have one thing in common - a person in constant state anxiety, suffers a lot. Living day after day in states of fear and anxiety, he is deeply unhappy. Life filled with joy and pleasure passes by, leaving him only worry and disappointment. Neither the advice of friends and doctors, nor medications, nor changes in eating style and physical activity help. How then can you get rid of constant fear and anxiety?

There is only one answer - you need to become aware of yourself, understand the unconscious desires and abilities that are given to you from birth, and try to realize them. Handicrafts and drawing will help you bring your emotions out. You can create beautiful things that will bring joy to you and the people around you, pass on the experience and knowledge you have accumulated in various areas activities - from cooking to gardening.

You will enjoy helping people who need compassion and empathy. By bringing your emotions out, showing love and compassion for them, you won’t even notice how causeless anxiety and fears will disappear from your life.

Letting go of anxiety and starting to live

If you are already tired of all kinds of misfortunes that your imagination draws, then it’s time to part with anxiety and fears. System-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan gives you the opportunity to understand the causes of uncontrollable anxiety and say goodbye to it. The results of hundreds of people who have completed the training, who have gotten rid of anxiety and fears forever, leave no doubt about highest efficiency this knowledge.

“... For years I suffered from causeless anxiety, which often fell on me. Psychologists helped me, but it was as if one hundredth part went away, and then the fears came again. My rational mind gave a logical explanation for half of my fears. But what's the use of these explanations if not normal life. And causeless anxiety in the evenings. By the middle of the course, I began to notice that I began to breathe freely. The clamps are gone. And by the end of the course, I suddenly suddenly noticed that anxiety and fears had left me. No, sometimes, of course, these conditions pile up again, but somehow easily and superficially. And even bewilderment arises, why am I afraid of anything at all.”

Worry for no reason is a problem that people face, regardless of their gender, age, health status, or position in society. Many of us believe that the reason for this inexplicably arising fear lies in environmental factors, and few have the courage to admit to themselves that the problem lies within ourselves. Or rather, not even in us, but in how we perceive the events of our lives, how we react to the natural needs and demands of the psyche.

It often happens that a person lives for years with similar problems, which accumulate over time, causing much more serious difficulties and disruptions. Having realized as a result that he is not able to cope with the deep-rooted disorder on his own, the patient turns to a psychotherapist, who makes a diagnosis of “generalized anxiety disorder.” Read below about what this disease is, what causes it, and whether it can be overcome.

The first symptoms of causeless excitement

A person's reaction to danger (real or imagined) always includes both a mental and physiological response. That is why there are a number of bodily symptoms that accompany a vague feeling of fear. Signs of anxiety for no reason can be different, here are the most common ones:

• , rhythm disturbances, “fading” of the heart;
• convulsions, trembling of hands and feet, feeling of weak knees;
• increased sweating;
• chills, fever, trembling;
• lump in throat, dry mouth;
• pain and discomfort in the solar plexus area;
• dyspnea;
• nausea, vomiting, intestinal upset;
• increase/decrease in blood pressure.

The list of symptoms of causeless anxiety can be continued indefinitely.

Generalized anxiety disorder and “ordinary” anxiety: differences

However, we must not lose sight of the fact that there is normal condition anxiety, which is inherent in every person, and the so-called generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), which in no case should be confused. Unlike anxiety, which happens from time to time, obsessive symptoms GAD can accompany a person with enviable consistency.

Unlike “ordinary” anxiety, which does not interfere with your everyday life, work, communication with loved ones, GAD is capable of interfering in your personal life, rebuilding and radically changing your habits and the entire rhythm of everyday life. Also, generalized anxiety disorder differs from simple anxiety in that you are not able to control it; anxiety greatly depletes your emotional and even physical strength, anxiety does not leave you day after day ( minimum term- six months).

Symptoms of an anxiety disorder include:

• constant feeling of concern;
• inability to subordinate experiences to control;
• an obsessive desire to know how the situation will develop in the future, that is, to subordinate everything to personal control;
• increased fear and anxiety;
• obsessive thoughts that you or your loved ones will certainly get into trouble;
• inability to relax (especially when alone);
• absent-minded attention;
• mild excitability;
• irritability;
• a feeling of weakness or, conversely, excessive tension throughout the body;
• , feeling groggy in the morning, difficulty falling asleep and restless sleep.

If you observe at least a few of specified symptoms, who do not give up their positions for a long time, it is quite possible that you have an anxiety disorder.

Personal and social causes of anxiety disorder

The emotion of fear always has a source, while an incomprehensible feeling of anxiety overtakes a person as if for no reason. Reveal its fundamental principle without qualified assistance very difficult. An obsessive expectation of a catastrophe or failure, a feeling that soon something bad will happen to the person himself, his child or one of the family members - all this becomes familiar to a patient suffering from unreasonable anxiety.

Interestingly, personal and social upheaval often affects state of mind a person not at the very moment of their accomplishment, but after some time. In other words, when life returns to normal, the subconscious presents us with a problem that has already been experienced, but not processed, resulting in neurosis.

If we were wild animals who have to fight for survival every second, perhaps everything would be simpler - after all, animals are deprived neurotic disorders. But due to the fact that we have no use for the instinct of self-preservation in everyday routine, the guidelines shift, and we begin to transfer it to any minor trouble, inflating it to the size of a universal catastrophe.

Biological and genetic aspects of the problem

Interestingly, the nature of the mechanism of causeless anxiety is not fully known. However, recent research in this area proves that in addition to personal and social upheavals that can influence the appearance of obsessive anxiety, there are biological and genetic factors. For example, there is a possibility that a parent suffering from GAD will have a child who is also prone to this disorder.

Interesting information was obtained during latest research in this area: it has been proven that excessive stress can cause changes to occur in the brain. Yes, when very frightened Certain areas in the cerebral cortex are involved. When the feeling of fear passes, the activated neural networks return to normal functioning.

But it happens that a settlement never occurs. In this case, excessive stress causes the medial prefrontal cortex to “grow” new neural fibers that grow to the side. amygdala. They contain GABA inhibitory peptide, negative feature which is increased anxiety.

This mechanism can be considered evidence that human body tries to cope with an unresolved problem on his own, to “process” the stress that has settled deep inside him. The fact that there is a change in the functioning of neural networks proves that the brain is struggling with distress. It is unknown whether he will be able to cope with the problem on his own, since usually fear is firmly “stuck” in the head and flares up at the slightest reminder of a stressful situation.

What's going on in your head?

In the subconscious of every person live his personal fears, which have happened to others, and therefore, in his opinion, can happen to him or his loved ones. It is from here that our legs “grow” panic attacks and unfounded worries. The problem is that in case real danger, a person will most likely find a way out, but we don’t know how to deal with internal disturbing “cockroaches”.

As a result, we are faced not with the cause of anxiety, but with its replacement - a picture of this or that event chewed and digested by our perception and the instinct of self-preservation thirsting for activity. At the same time this picture deliberately dramatized to the limit - otherwise we are simply not interested.

An important role in this process Brain biochemistry also plays a role. During the development of the mechanisms of generalized anxiety disorder, changes in the level of neurotransmitters in the brain are observed. Main function of neurotransmitters (mediators) is to ensure “delivery” chemicals from one nerve cells to others. If there is an imbalance in the functioning of the mediators, delivery cannot occur properly. As a result, the brain begins to react to ordinary problems more vulnerable, which leads to the development of unreasonable anxieties.

Breaking Bad…

To somehow cope with an unreasonable feeling anxiety, a person usually chooses one of the most accessible paths:

• someone “copes” with anxiety with the help of drugs, alcohol or nicotine;
• others take the path of workaholics;
• Some people suffering from causeless anxiety focus on their social position;
• someone devotes their entire life to some scientific or religious idea;
• some “muffle” anxiety with an overly busy and often promiscuous sex life.

It is easy to guess that each of these paths obviously leads to failure. Therefore, instead of ruining the lives of yourself and those around you, it is better to follow much more promising scenarios.

How is generalized anxiety disorder diagnosed?

If symptoms of an anxiety disorder persist over a long period of time, your doctor will often recommend full examination patient. Since there are no tests that could help diagnose GAD, tests are usually used for this purpose - they help determine whether there is a particular physical ailment that could cause these symptoms.

The patient's stories and examination results, the timing and intensity of symptoms become the basis for making a diagnosis of GAD. As for the last two points, the signs of an anxiety disorder must be regular for six months and so strong that the patient’s usual rhythm of life is disrupted (even to the point of forcing him to miss work or school).

Searching for a way out

Usually at the root of the problem lies a complex lump of so-called dominants and stereotypes with which our subconscious is teeming. Of course, the easiest way is to attribute your own anxious reactions to certain life difficulties, to your personal failure, to your temperament, or even worse – to heredity.

However, as the experience of psychotherapy shows, a person is able to control the work of his consciousness, subconscious and the entire mental apparatus in such a way as to cope with generalized anxiety disorder. How can he do this?

We present three options for the development of events. However, if the tips below do not help you, you should not bear the burden of unreasonable anxiety on your own: in this case, you should seek the help of qualified specialists.

Scenario No. 1: ignoring provocation

An inexplicable feeling of anxiety is often associated with irritation due to the fact that we cannot find the cause of fear. Thus, it turns out that this or that situation that causes us anxiety is a priori irritable. And in this case, the principle of refusing the provocation that your own subconscious gives you is effective: you need to try to redirect the irritation in another direction.

Scenario #2: Controlling Muscle Tension

Since emotions and muscles act interconnectedly, you can deal with causeless anxiety this way: as soon as you feel increasing signs of approaching fear (rapid heartbeat, sweating, and so on), you need to give yourself a mental order not to let them get out of control. Try to recognize them as the inevitable accompanying “baggage” of anxiety, but don’t let muscle tension take over you completely. You will see: negative bodily sensations in this case will not develop into something more serious.

Scenario #3: Negative emotions do not need to be justified

In a moment of causeless anxiety, you should not look for a logical justification for your negative psychological reaction. Of course, there is a justification for your fears, but in seconds emotional stress you most likely will not be able to soberly evaluate them. As a result, the subconscious will present you on a silver platter with something that is not at all what it should be.

Let's summarize and draw conclusions

So, anxiety for no reason is most often the result of our unreasonably inflated reaction to an event that, in fact, should have caused a much smaller flurry of emotions. As a result, a person's response to anxiety becomes irritability, apathy, or...

To cope with these negative aspects, it is advisable to contact an experienced psychotherapist who uses, will give good advice. Doing your best work on this problem on your own will also not be superfluous: in order to combat negative emotions and feel less anxious, try implementing the scenarios described above.

Worry for no reason

Why does anxiety arise? The feeling of anxiety is the body’s response to an external physical or psychological threat. Anxiety states usually appear before the onset of an important, significant or difficult event. When this event ends, the anxiety disappears. But some people are susceptible to this feeling; they feel anxious all the time, which makes their life very difficult. Psychotherapists call this condition chronic anxiety.

When a person is restless, constantly worried about something, experiencing fear, this does not allow him to live normally, the world around him is painted in gloomy tones. Pessimism negatively affects the psyche and general health, constant voltage has a debilitating effect on a person. At the same time, the anxiety that arises is often unfounded.

It is provoked primarily by fear of uncertainty. Feeling anxious is common to people of different ages, but those who forget that anxiety and fear are just their personal perception of events and the surrounding reality suffer especially greatly. At the same time, it is important for someone to remind you that you cannot live in such a state and tell you how to remove the feeling of constant anxiety.

Symptoms of Anxiety

Often those who are susceptible to this feeling explain the appearance of anxiety with a vague or, conversely, strong premonition of something bad. This condition is accompanied by very real physical symptoms.

Among them are stomach cramps and cramps, a feeling of dry mouth, sweating, and rapid heartbeat. Digestion and sleep disturbances may occur. When chronic anxiety worsens, many fall into unreasonable panic, for which there are no apparent reasons.

Anxiety may also be accompanied by a feeling of suffocation, chest pain, migraine, tingling in the arms and legs, general weakness and a feeling of impending horror. Sometimes the symptoms are so vivid and strong that they are mistaken for serious heart attack.

Causes of neurosis

The main causes of anxiety may be difficult relationships in the family, economic instability, events in the country and the world. Anxiety often appears before an important event, such as an exam, public speaking, trial, visiting a doctor, etc., when a person does not know how everything will go, what to expect from the situation.

People who often suffer from depression are very susceptible to anxiety. Those who have suffered any kind of psychological trauma are also at risk.

The main task of anxiety is to warn about some negative event in the future and prevent its occurrence. This feeling is similar to inner intuition, but is focused exclusively on negative events.

This feeling is sometimes even useful, as it makes a person think, analyze and look for the right solutions. But everything is good in moderation. If anxiety becomes too intrusive, it interferes with normal life. If you have excessive and chronic anxiety, you should consult a specialist.

Currently, modern methods medicine allows us to penetrate deep into this problem and find optimal solutions on her treatment. A painstaking study of the causes of anxiety led to the conclusion that this negative feeling is a consequence of a person’s uncertainty about his future.

When a person does not know what will happen next, does not feel the stability of his present and future, an anxious feeling appears. Alas, sometimes confidence in the future does not depend on us. Therefore, the main advice to get rid of this feeling is to cultivate optimism in yourself. Look at the world more positively and try to find something good in the bad.

How to relieve anxiety?

When the body is in a state of anxiety and stress, it burns nutrients With redoubled force than usual. If they are not replenished on time, the nervous system may become depleted and the feeling of anxiety will intensify. To get out of the vicious circle, you should adhere to a healthy lifestyle and eat well.

The diet should be enriched complex carbohydrates. They are found in whole grain bread, unrefined or brown rice. Never drink alcohol or drinks that contain caffeine. Drink plain clean water, still mineral water, freshly squeezed juices and soothing teas from medicinal plants. Such fees are sold in pharmacies.

A harmonious combination of relaxation, physical activity and entertainment will help you have a more positive outlook on the world around us. You can do something quiet. Such an activity, pleasant to you, will calm you down nervous system. Some find it helpful to sit on the shore of a pond with a fishing rod, while others calm down while doing cross stitch.

You can sign up for group relaxation and meditation classes. Yoga is a great way to get rid of negative thoughts.

You can remove the feeling of anxiety and improve your mood with a massage: Apply pressure thumb palms on active point, which is located on back side hands, in the place where the big and index fingers. The massage should be done three times for 10 - 15 seconds. This type of massage cannot be performed during pregnancy.

Try to direct your thoughts to positive aspects life and personality, not negative ones. Write short life-affirming phrases. For example: “I know how to do this job and will do it better than others. I will succeed."

Or “I sense it coming happy events" Repeat such phrases as often as possible. This will definitely help change natural or instinctive reactions from negative to positive.

Well, you know how to overcome anxiety. Use the knowledge you gain to help yourself. And they will definitely give you the results you need!

Feelings of anxiety and fear are familiar to every person. They usually occur when there is a reason. As soon as the circumstances that caused them disappear, the psycho-emotional state also stabilizes. However, there are times when constant fear and anxiety become commonplace, these feelings begin to haunt and become a habitual state.

Fear and anxiety as symptoms of the disease

Feelings of constant fear and anxiety can be symptoms of the most various diseases. Most of them are the area of ​​work of a psychotherapist. In any case, you need to listen to your own feelings and decide whether you should contact a specialist, or you can try to solve the problem yourself.

The most common diagnosis, the symptoms of which are fear and anxiety, is anxiety or fear neurosis. However, this can only be finally verified or refuted by seeking qualified help.

Causes of fear and anxiety

If not obvious reasons If you are afraid and worried, you should find out why a person experiences constant tension. In fact, the reasons lie in a combination of physiological and psychological factors. Huge value in solving the problem there is a connection between generations, that is, heredity. That is why, before diagnosing anxiety syndrome or another disease in a child, you need to find out whether parents and close relatives suffer from similar problems.

Psychological causes of constant fear and anxiety

Among psychological reasons, which cause constant fear and anxiety, can be distinguished:

1. strong emotional experiences, stress. For example, when changing place of residence, there is a fear of change and anxiety for the future;
2. suppression of one’s deepest desires and needs, restraining emotions.

Physical causes of constant fear and anxiety

The main cause of all nervous mental disorders usually lies in improper work thyroid gland. Violations in endocrine system causes failure hormonal levels, which leads to the fact that fear hormones begin to be actively produced. They are the ones who control a person’s mood, making them fear, worry and worry for no apparent reason.

Besides, great value has:

1. strong physical activity;
2. severe course of the underlying disease;
3. presence of withdrawal syndrome.

Constant fear and anxiety in pregnant women

Pregnant women, as well as those who have recently become mothers, experience severe hormonal changes. Related to this are discomfort anxiety and fears for your life, for the life and health of the baby. Added to this is a lot of new knowledge gleaned from medical literature and the stories of those who have already gone through this. As a result, fear and anxiety become permanent, and nervous stress to the expectant mother no use at all.

If this happens to you, then enlist the support of your loved ones, as well as an experienced doctor who is ready to advise you on any issues.

Treating persistent fear and anxiety

Self-treatment of anxiety and fears

If you have just recently begun to feel that you are constantly haunted by fear and anxiety, but you have no other symptoms and you have not experienced severe emotional distress, then you can take steps to self-treatment. The word “treatment” here is conditional. Try the following tips:

1. consider switching to healthy image life and right good nutrition. This will not only maintain good physical fitness, but also stabilize hormonal levels;
2. sleep and rest more;
3. combine mental stress with physical exercise, only in conditions of such a balance will you feel in good shape;
4. Find something to do that gives you maximum emotional satisfaction. It can be any hobby;
5. communicate with people you like and limit unwanted contacts;
6. try not to think about what bothers you, especially if these events are in the past. There is no point in imagining an unfavorable future by deliberately exaggerating;
7. Find a relaxation method that suits you. This could be auto-training, a relaxing bath, massage and much more.

Observation by a specialist for fears and anxiety

If you feel that it is becoming difficult for you to live with a feeling of constant fear and anxiety, that these sensations interfere and change your usual way of life, then seek help from a psychotherapist. An argument in favor of consulting a specialist will be the accompanying feeling of heaviness in the chest, pressure in the heart area, and difficulty breathing.

Treatment may involve a combination of psychotherapy and drug treatment. Only timely appeal will become the basis effective disposal from fears and anxieties. A psychiatrist or psychotherapist will determine how severe the stage of the disease or disorder is, based on the data obtained, he will prescribe an appropriate approach.

Not everyone who suffers from constant fear and anxiety needs pills. TO drug method resort only if you need to quickly relieve symptoms and achieve results. In such situations, tranquilizers and antidepressants are prescribed.

Psychotherapeutic treatment can be combined with examinations of the whole body, especially to identify disorders of the thyroid gland.

Pledge successful treatment- This attentive attitude to yourself and following the doctor’s recommendations.

Not all people clearly distinguish between the concepts of “anxiety” and “stress”. Therefore, assessing your mental state, it can be so easy to get confused. We are used to associating anxiety with stress, and this is what misleads us. And if stressful situation can only give rise to a short-term attack of panic, then anxiety is by no means a fleeting feeling.

How anxiety affects everyday life

There are actually several types of anxiety, each with their own symptoms. However, there are also general symptoms, among which we can note hot flashes and chills, increased heart rate, heaviness in the chest, obsessive thinking, irritability, and problems falling asleep. But this is far from full list manifestations of anxiety. In addition, people can manifest and develop specific social phobias, for example, fear of doctors or fear of flying on an airplane.

How to get rid of this condition

There are many ways to overcome anxiety. However, before you start fixing the problem, you need to get to know the roots. Knowing you have anxiety is not enough. Just as it is impossible to take tools and materials to build a house without having a drawing, it is impossible to get rid of anxiety without knowing the origin of the condition. If you can identify the anxiety, you can easily use our methods to eliminate it.

1. Take a deep breath

When you experience another bout of anxiety, you may notice how your breathing begins to change. And the first thing to do in this situation is to start breathing correctly. Take slow, deep breaths. If you change the way you breathe and stop gasping for air, the body's parasympathetic response will be stimulated. This will help you calm down faster.

If you can mistake a panic attack for simple anxiety, you will prevent fear from fueling your feelings. Believing in yourself, believing that this is just emotional reaction, you will no longer be helpless and will not let the situation escalate. Keep reminding yourself that this feeling comes and goes, it has nothing to do with your permanent reality. This is just a spontaneous feeling, and there is nothing terrible there.

3. Pay attention to your own thoughts.

Rapidly changing thoughts are side effect anxiety. Don't look into the future and predict everything possible options developments of events. There should not be any thoughts like “What if...” All these races in the head will only aggravate the situation. Psychologists say that it is a common characteristic of a person prone to panic to make things up. various kinds outlandish ideas, many of which are quite unrealistic. And when you understand this, your brain will rewind itself scary thoughts in reverse mode.

4. Use calming visualizations

Find a positive, calm place that makes you feel safe. Such a refuge will act as a counteract to the increased tension that has taken over you. In a calm environment, your wandering thoughts will also find peace.

5. Focus on good feelings

Ask yourself what will you do when the panic and anxiety attack passes? This way, you will redirect your attention from the bad to the good, and you will be motivated to start feeling good. If you are going to an event, think about how much positive emotions you could get there. Just think about how you feel at the moment, and not about what they might feel. Otherwise, the “what if...” attitude will pull you back.